(no subject)
I finally think I am actually enjoying being student. It's strange because I always assumed I would just have to push through school but I realized I'm finally studying what I want to and am therefore finding my interest increasing, unfortunately though so is the amount of work I have to keep up with so I have been consistently putting in long hours at the library. It's nice sitting in a chair high above the bay and looking across at the downtown area and thinking that my life is leading to something worthwhile and that what I want to do has some kind of importance. It may be somewhat of a contrived feeling but it's much better than feeling anxious, confused and purposeless.
The other day Louie said something to me that stuck with me. We were talking about the Dark Tower and he said something to the effect of "Roland just has this absolute sense of purpose, I wish I had a tower," and it's true. Life would seem so much less meaningless if everyone just had something to chase after. I guess it could be different for everyone. I guess everything has something they want desperately whether it is just peace and quiet, or romance, or companionship etc. but it's nice for that something to be a specific and tangible thing like. "I want to live in New York City," or "I want to be a whale trainer." These days it seems as if everyone I know, not only my peers and friends and people in a similar age range, but even most adults I know, are focused on something right in front of them, like surviving to their next paycheck, being able to afford a place to live, or, not even economically in all cases, things like "I need to get out of this marriage."
Perhaps those are the times we live in. I guess looking at such milieux and being analytical about it is really the purpose of what I'm studying. I don't think I've really found my tower, but I think I'm on the path of discovering exactly what it is.
I just need to remind myself not to get distracted so easily by fleeting events in my romantic/social life. I mean, I'm not going to try to be Roland or Bruce Wayne or anything, but that has always been my achilles heal and I need to remember that.
The other day Louie said something to me that stuck with me. We were talking about the Dark Tower and he said something to the effect of "Roland just has this absolute sense of purpose, I wish I had a tower," and it's true. Life would seem so much less meaningless if everyone just had something to chase after. I guess it could be different for everyone. I guess everything has something they want desperately whether it is just peace and quiet, or romance, or companionship etc. but it's nice for that something to be a specific and tangible thing like. "I want to live in New York City," or "I want to be a whale trainer." These days it seems as if everyone I know, not only my peers and friends and people in a similar age range, but even most adults I know, are focused on something right in front of them, like surviving to their next paycheck, being able to afford a place to live, or, not even economically in all cases, things like "I need to get out of this marriage."
Perhaps those are the times we live in. I guess looking at such milieux and being analytical about it is really the purpose of what I'm studying. I don't think I've really found my tower, but I think I'm on the path of discovering exactly what it is.
I just need to remind myself not to get distracted so easily by fleeting events in my romantic/social life. I mean, I'm not going to try to be Roland or Bruce Wayne or anything, but that has always been my achilles heal and I need to remember that.