Procrastination Pains
I need to suck up my fear tomorrow and actually start making some progress on the "applying to med school" front. I need to solidify my list of where I'm applying, actually do some work on my personal statement, email professors requesting letters of recommendation, and email/hunt down potential people for volunteer and shadowing stuff. I've been increasingly plagued by this sort of existential terror over the past week or so. What's worst is that I'm afraid to be around my parents too long lest one of them bring it up. My mother got very fierce with me back in March because of my lack of movement towards my future. I have a full-time job with benefits and whatnot now that's kind of medically-based, so I'm at least doing something. However, there is much more I need to do.
And I just need to do it.
This is exactly how I felt every time I procrastinated a major project in school. I spent the better part of seventh grade terrified they'd ask about my science project. The same happened throughout most of this past year in regards to my thesis. And, every time, the surest way to fix this sickening feeling of paralyzing terror is to make a list of what needs to be done and start. Once I have started, then I have some momentum and can keep going. I have something to show for myself. I'm not sitting and watching the world go by as I want, more and more, to curl in a corner and hide for a hundred years. For some reason, though, I have the most difficult time starting. I've pondered this for over a decade, and I still have absolutely no idea why I can't make myself begin something big and long term until the very last possible minute, and then only because I recognize that I truly cannot put it off any longer if I want it finished in time. I'm like some sort of immensely heavy round object -- it's almost impossible to begin moving me without some great force/impetus, but I can continue more easily once I've been given the initial great shove.
A rolling stone gathers no moss, but first it has to start rolling.
And I just need to do it.
This is exactly how I felt every time I procrastinated a major project in school. I spent the better part of seventh grade terrified they'd ask about my science project. The same happened throughout most of this past year in regards to my thesis. And, every time, the surest way to fix this sickening feeling of paralyzing terror is to make a list of what needs to be done and start. Once I have started, then I have some momentum and can keep going. I have something to show for myself. I'm not sitting and watching the world go by as I want, more and more, to curl in a corner and hide for a hundred years. For some reason, though, I have the most difficult time starting. I've pondered this for over a decade, and I still have absolutely no idea why I can't make myself begin something big and long term until the very last possible minute, and then only because I recognize that I truly cannot put it off any longer if I want it finished in time. I'm like some sort of immensely heavy round object -- it's almost impossible to begin moving me without some great force/impetus, but I can continue more easily once I've been given the initial great shove.
A rolling stone gathers no moss, but first it has to start rolling.