apparently it does matter

[tenacubus]

Recent events have led me to believe that as much as I analyze other people and the goings on around me I never seem to think anything I say will have much of an effect anything. Even though to me it makes sense to say whatever I want because I am joking its not always interpreted as such. I think the reason I do this is because if I didnt say outrageous/distasteful/horrible things then people will have no reason to listen to what I say. This probably comes from my irrational fear that no one cares about, ever listens, or values anything that I may say and even crazier than that my fear that none of my friends like my presence any longer and really wish I would just go away. Apparently I come off as an ass a lot yet that couldnt be from what I'm trying to do. I really do need to work on the thinking before speaking instead of the other way around especially when, in retrospect, the things I say even I find wrong and nowhere near amusing.
Overanalyzing the situation? Rambling because I'm half alseep? Thinking too deeply too often? probably, but now its time to enjoy peaceful sleep.