After Effects
While going through her effects after her death, I found this in Reesa's email:
Nathan's mom might contact you guys by email just to get a second perspective on his behavior, per the conversation we all had up here the other day about something in Nathan being broken and him unwilling to fix it. She seems to think an intervention would work; I think that he doesn't trust anyone enough for an intervention to have any effect from any of us. After getting her perspective, it sounds like he's had this bullying behavior for quite a long time and just managed to hide it fairly well from most people.
For the sake of a peaceful memorial, I kept my mouth shut about this. It cost me a solid month of lost sleep and shouting at empty air during commutes. The memorial has past, and with it my interest in silence.
Holly Eliot:
I cannot trust you in my life anymore. You slandered me as a bully to my dying wife, an accusation which would be laugable, save that you waited until we were arguing, and that she (sick, heavily drugged, and worried) believed you. I will not rehash those arguments: a bully would have easily won them all, because he could have easily pushed around a woman in a hospital bed, strong-willed or no. That you transmuted my treatment of my dying wife as an equal (even in arguments) into this slander is vile.
I also cannot trust this to private conversation, because you were always better at whispering nasty doubts in quiet corners. This is the third major time you have attempted to pull the rug from under me, and always you have excused such behavior as well-intentioned. This time I leave no room for doubt or excuse. If your intentions are as good as you claim, they are so ill-executed as to be indistinguisable from raw malice. Far more believable is that you are a sad control-freak, who bent her own nose out of shape running into ever firmer boundaries of mine, and who would rather think her son evil than herself at fault.
I will not exclude you from the lives of your grandchildren, but I also feel no urge to foster those relationships. Your shitty behavior leading up to the memorial impressed nobody, and left Dylan uninterested (of his own accord) in visiting with you further. Iliana is too young to know what you've done here, but it will be your responsibility to work through the layers of distrust you have engendered, in arranging any further visits.
I am utterly disinterested in any other interaction with you.
I am sure you will, sometime in the future, try to apologize for this. Know that I have heard your apologies many times, and their sincerity has only been rivaled by their inability to prevent this (or other intervening wrongs). There may come a time when I trust you once more, but I cannot see how you could get there from here. You have backed yourself into a corner, and I've got no sympathy left to help you get out again.
Everyone Else:
Holly Eliot doesn't know me: she has simply played the part, based on a years-old acquaintance. She has slandered my good name repeatedly, causing others and myself many times to doubt that I am the strong, capable, hard-working, honorable, and kind man that years of proof have shown me to be. Reesa spoke passionately against this mistreatment in its earlier instances, and while I'm sad that she finally got tricked by it, I am not convinced.
If you consider yourself my friend, know fully and completely that Holly Eliot isn't, and act accordingly when she next attempts to "intervene" in my life.
In Sadness and Anger,
Nathaniel Eliot
Nathan's mom might contact you guys by email just to get a second perspective on his behavior, per the conversation we all had up here the other day about something in Nathan being broken and him unwilling to fix it. She seems to think an intervention would work; I think that he doesn't trust anyone enough for an intervention to have any effect from any of us. After getting her perspective, it sounds like he's had this bullying behavior for quite a long time and just managed to hide it fairly well from most people.
For the sake of a peaceful memorial, I kept my mouth shut about this. It cost me a solid month of lost sleep and shouting at empty air during commutes. The memorial has past, and with it my interest in silence.
Holly Eliot:
I cannot trust you in my life anymore. You slandered me as a bully to my dying wife, an accusation which would be laugable, save that you waited until we were arguing, and that she (sick, heavily drugged, and worried) believed you. I will not rehash those arguments: a bully would have easily won them all, because he could have easily pushed around a woman in a hospital bed, strong-willed or no. That you transmuted my treatment of my dying wife as an equal (even in arguments) into this slander is vile.
I also cannot trust this to private conversation, because you were always better at whispering nasty doubts in quiet corners. This is the third major time you have attempted to pull the rug from under me, and always you have excused such behavior as well-intentioned. This time I leave no room for doubt or excuse. If your intentions are as good as you claim, they are so ill-executed as to be indistinguisable from raw malice. Far more believable is that you are a sad control-freak, who bent her own nose out of shape running into ever firmer boundaries of mine, and who would rather think her son evil than herself at fault.
I will not exclude you from the lives of your grandchildren, but I also feel no urge to foster those relationships. Your shitty behavior leading up to the memorial impressed nobody, and left Dylan uninterested (of his own accord) in visiting with you further. Iliana is too young to know what you've done here, but it will be your responsibility to work through the layers of distrust you have engendered, in arranging any further visits.
I am utterly disinterested in any other interaction with you.
I am sure you will, sometime in the future, try to apologize for this. Know that I have heard your apologies many times, and their sincerity has only been rivaled by their inability to prevent this (or other intervening wrongs). There may come a time when I trust you once more, but I cannot see how you could get there from here. You have backed yourself into a corner, and I've got no sympathy left to help you get out again.
Everyone Else:
Holly Eliot doesn't know me: she has simply played the part, based on a years-old acquaintance. She has slandered my good name repeatedly, causing others and myself many times to doubt that I am the strong, capable, hard-working, honorable, and kind man that years of proof have shown me to be. Reesa spoke passionately against this mistreatment in its earlier instances, and while I'm sad that she finally got tricked by it, I am not convinced.
If you consider yourself my friend, know fully and completely that Holly Eliot isn't, and act accordingly when she next attempts to "intervene" in my life.
In Sadness and Anger,
Nathaniel Eliot