+None+
I have become incresingly bothered about potential relationships of late. I seem to be hurting alot more than usual lately. After being so emotionally infected then becoming completely numb i have been blown back by more intense emotions than i have ever felt. This isnt just due to potential relationships, its also due to events that have occured recently. Those fucked up events that ruined everything and dragged me deep below the surface and under. Im just scared that im falling hard for something. And that if i do i will either lose it by the exposure of my flaws, or i will never have it more than i want. After not believing in things like love, and honesty and devotion and commitment in so long, its hard to comprehend that im considering that an alternate believe exists, and that maybe i could love, and maybe the concept of love does actually exist.
All these questions and i have no answers. Not yet. But it would be so so nice just to be able to answer one of the questions i have been striving for. I dont want to keep reaching out to potential things if im never gonna really obtain. Not because im lazy, but because i have only elarnt so well that half the time, trying never gets me anywhere. I use up all my energy and all my grief to be able to shot down and bleed once again. Im so scared, so sceptical. And all i want to do is scream. But i am silent, and lost for words, and reaching is hurting my shoulders. I just dotn think i can be bothered to make the effort with people anymore, potential or obligatory.
All these questions and i have no answers. Not yet. But it would be so so nice just to be able to answer one of the questions i have been striving for. I dont want to keep reaching out to potential things if im never gonna really obtain. Not because im lazy, but because i have only elarnt so well that half the time, trying never gets me anywhere. I use up all my energy and all my grief to be able to shot down and bleed once again. Im so scared, so sceptical. And all i want to do is scream. But i am silent, and lost for words, and reaching is hurting my shoulders. I just dotn think i can be bothered to make the effort with people anymore, potential or obligatory.