You, between (Wild Adapter, PG, Kubota x Tokitoh, yaoi)

[kickinpants]

Title- You, between
Author- Kickinpants
Fandom- Wild Adapter
Genre- Yaoi
Rating- PG
Notes- For the deadlines challenge. Lost in the spin, I went over the 45 by a good ten, and then editing. I'm sorry. I hope what's come out of it can be still enjoyed. Feedback is always appreciated and thank you. ^_^

Comments

[jennifier_d]

Ohhgod. I really like this. The touch of darkness that fitted perfectly fine for WA-timeline Kubo-chan and Tokitoh-kun. ;_;;; You've got it all down in a pat.

This is what I really like about your writing-- the ability to captaure what was important and you don't write in acess. No extra lines to pull up the word count. ^____________^

I'm looking forward to more wonderful EC/WA works from you. :D

[kickinpants]

Thank you so much for your comment. ^_^ As for the word-count, I've always thought that I never write concisely enough. (Although I do tend to bypass visual details, so that definitely keeps things shorter. ^_^;) I'm very glad you liked it. :D

[ayatsujik]

I rabu you so much. I keep harping about my <3 for yout Tokitoh, but Kubota is every bit as good, just so you know. The situation, resolution and the movement are wonderful, with one tiny nitpick: IMHO if you cut this line - He asked this to the back of the head that was slowly turning around. that paragraph connects better with the "...Kubo-chan?" one immediately below it. I personally found having that extra line, while giving symmetry, dragged the pace down, which was a little irritating when we *know* Kubota's almost-panicking and desperate for Tokitoh to *respond*.

Was also a teensy bit confused as to who Sanada was going to shoot initially, but I'm a dork. It was Tokitoh, yes?

In any case, it was lovely, *lovely*, with that razor-edge of grittiness that distinguishes the WA universe from the EC one, and I really enjoyed it. Write more WA stuff, do! Make us happy! XD

[kickinpants]

Thank you for the rabu and your comments. ^_^ I'm very glad you liked it. And thank you also for your advice. Cutting out that line is a great idea and definitely will tighten that section up more. (You're right, I was stressing the synchronicity of the paragraph, but one shouldn't lose the mood while doing so. Definitely a good point.)

As for who the gun is aiming at, it was meant to be a little ambiguous. Sanada may have been aiming at Tokitoh, but his meaning was to hit two people. "What's stopping me from pulling the trigger and ending his/your life?" Kubota's response though is that his aim was actually pointed at three, T, K, and Sanada himself. "Because if you do, you will never be surprised again." That idea may not have translated well to paper though, since not all things that float around in the head do.

[juin]

I loved the prologue, the way you set up the deadline at the beginning before we even knew the situation, and then inserted it into the story as it went on. I loved your Kubota, the way he was cool and yet not, and the thoughts he had as he stood behind Tokitoh; I can just imagine him standing there willingly between Tokitoh and a bullet. ♥

Just to be anal, though... 'passed' is the past tense of 'to pass', but 'past' is the adjective you're looking for here [pushing passed the others that were standing] and [passed the food court].

[kickinpants]

Thank you so much for your comments. I'm very happy this went over well. And your advice isn't anal at all. It's hugely helpful. (I'm almost embarrassingly bad as a self-editor so any help in that department is very much welcome.) So thank you. ^_^

[angelamori]

I love this piece, especially the ending. I can't say anything more, really. Just love your muses to bits. n_n

[kickinpants]

I'm very happy you liked it. :D There's not much to love, muse-wise though. It's mostly just Dr. Pepper and T_M's neat-o challenges that push it all. Mmmmmmmm...Dr. Pepper...

[angelamori]

Hahahahah. (never understood why people like Dr Peper to begin with, but... *shrugs* )