(no subject)
my grams got taken into rehabilitation for reporting herself as being dizzy and falling down. they tested her motor and cognitive skills and she failed miserably. for one, she didn't know what year it was and didn't understand the importance of knowing what year it is, and that's just the beginning. she is in temporary housing right now but is being moved to a 24 hr assisted living facility. all this went down behind my back after i had already explained to my mother and aunt that i wanted badly to be part of the decision-making process about her. i was the first person in the family to go to see her there. her bottom teeth were out, her mouth was hanging open, her eyes weren't focusing, she hasn't been eating, they've upped her meds, she lays in bed, get dizzy when standing up and hates her roommate. she looks absolutely nothing like the woman i grew up with, even the woman i saw 3 months ago. i hate her in that place i don't care how good of a reputation avery heights has. that was the first time in my life i even stepped in her apartment without her there, it creeped me out.
my mother, too, seems to have gone off her rocker. she blindly moved to missouri to follow her sister to her retirement place, where my uncle is originally from. she missed my college graduation to move into her new apartment, and i didn't find out until later she didn't end up moving into it. the place, run by my aunt's brother-in-law, ended up being a dump. my mother and aunt lived between campgrounds and hotels until finding another place for my mom and making a family member into an enemy in a small missouri town before they even moved in. she didn't even tell my grams that she moved out of north carolina, and i don't know who in the family even knows she doesn't work at the biltmore estate anymore.
i don't wear a suit, but i do have a 40-hour job now and have to look at my watch all the time. i think this is what i wanted? it's hard for me to adjust to all this shit. people just talk to me at the gas station like i'm an adult or something and i have a dentist appointment on monday.
lately i can't believe how much wally tolerates me. i don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't let themselves be happy. i don't want to be upset when i fuck up the coffeemaker in the morning. i know i have it good and i've done this to myself before. it's transitions. fucking transitions. i don't know how to deal with them? it took me two years to get used to college. i don't know what i want out of life? i stare my grams in the face knowing her skin used to look like mine does.
my mother, too, seems to have gone off her rocker. she blindly moved to missouri to follow her sister to her retirement place, where my uncle is originally from. she missed my college graduation to move into her new apartment, and i didn't find out until later she didn't end up moving into it. the place, run by my aunt's brother-in-law, ended up being a dump. my mother and aunt lived between campgrounds and hotels until finding another place for my mom and making a family member into an enemy in a small missouri town before they even moved in. she didn't even tell my grams that she moved out of north carolina, and i don't know who in the family even knows she doesn't work at the biltmore estate anymore.
i don't wear a suit, but i do have a 40-hour job now and have to look at my watch all the time. i think this is what i wanted? it's hard for me to adjust to all this shit. people just talk to me at the gas station like i'm an adult or something and i have a dentist appointment on monday.
lately i can't believe how much wally tolerates me. i don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't let themselves be happy. i don't want to be upset when i fuck up the coffeemaker in the morning. i know i have it good and i've done this to myself before. it's transitions. fucking transitions. i don't know how to deal with them? it took me two years to get used to college. i don't know what i want out of life? i stare my grams in the face knowing her skin used to look like mine does.