Chapter one - Lady Black (Questions)
After Self Portrait…
I do not think that I would take anything away from my original self-portrait ( http://community.livejournal.com/templeoftwelve/7743.html ) but I added some things. Something seemed unfinished, and kept nagging at me, so here I am, starting over not only on this project, but on myself and my life.
I have added three things to my self portrait. I wrote on my shoulder “I apologize too much”. I put it up high because it is a REAL problem. Across from that I put again “Always feel guilty”, even though I had already put it on the bottom in green (“feel guilty”) and in the middle I wrote….
“A WORK IN PROGRESS”.
…because I feel that most of us aren’t EVER finished learning and growing. I’m certainly not.
To help myself with my apologizing constantly, and always feeling guilty, I got a book out of the library called “Why Do I Feel Guilty When I’ve Done Nothing Wrong?” byTy C. Colbert, PhD. It will also hopefully help me learn and grow.
Gifts….
I`ve Always Loved to draw, Color and Paint but when I was a child I drew a picture of a fawn…I colored it brown with White spots and a cute black nose and white tail, I was Proud of it and happy how it turned out just the way I`d envisioned it in my mind’s eye; and my teacher looked at my picture and said “THIS is all W r o n g". I was heartbroken and stopped drawing for a Long time.
My Grandmother (who was a Magnificent Artist using pastels) Enrolled me in a painting class to try to get me creating again, but as I was painting that teacher would put het her hands over mine and say "paint this, here & this, this way. I Stopped painting or drawing for years, until after I had been through breast cancer, and two mastectomies.
It`s Important to me to state here that I Never would Have wanted to do anything, or been here to do Anything If It Wasn’t for the Love and Support Of my Significant other and A Very, Very Dear Friend Whose Continued LOVE and Support Kept me Fighting & NOT Giving Up. That very special Lady, The Sister of (and In) My Heart was folkchick3.
After I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a friend I met online said "What Did You Used to like to do?" I mentioned I used to Paint, and had enjoyed Drawing and Simply Creating. Her Reply was to Send Me Boxes of Art Supplies; Paints (ALL KINDS), colored pencils, an easel, canvases, etc.
I Started Painting, and Folkchick3 would encourage me by painting with me & Telling me How Good I Was. From then on My Creativity Came Back & Grew.
You See When I was A School teacher I Used my Creativity With The Children I taught, with Music, Singing, Painting, Creating Art, Decorating Boxes , frames, Taking pictures, Teaching them songs and a Love for All Kinds of Music. I had to Quit teaching after 21 years because of my illness`s and was Devastated. That’s why my friend "D" sent me all the art supplies, and between “D” and folkchick3, I got my Creativity Back. Now I`m Making Cards for Chemo patients and Lonely Hospital Patients (about 12-16 every other Month or so. Lately it`s been when I’m able)So my talents are Making friends, Caring about and Helping Others, and Being As Good a Friend as Possible. Folkchick3 nicknamed me "Mama Bear" because of the way I take Care of My Friends in an Emergency. I Love to Paint All kinds - my Favorite is Water color. I also love coloring with colored pencils, decorating cigar boxes into jewelry or Keepsake Boxes, Decorating and painting Wood Frames to make Jewelry Holders, making necklaces for friends, Drawing, and Taking Pictures. I love Teaching Children about Loving Music, Singing, Playing, using their Imaginations, Believing In themselves, Being Nice and Caring about Others and Loving and Respecting Animals, as well as Cleaning Our Home (the Earth) up and Putting Trash in its proper place And Keeping it Clean for Us and the Animals. I also loved singing before my illness took my voice. I did some writing; I had one article published online, about how scrapbooking helped save me from giving up, and one song which folkchick3, M. and I performed. I've also written manuscripts for children's books (six) some of which folkchick3 will be illustrating for me. I acted in two plays, and sang in three different folk groups. In the last one it was my honor to sing with M. and with folkchick3 and her angelic voice. Last but not least, I received a teacher of the year award two or three years before I was forced to quit teaching due to illness.
I have so many many things I want to accomplish and try, both with my friends and on my own. So, all of the above are things that I feel are my talents.
Do You feel you have fully explored your talents?
I feel that there is so Much More I want To Try and Learn About Creating Art, Helping the Planet, Creating Jewelry, beauty… I want to learn more techniques of painting and creating all kinds of art and Beauty. Money and Feeling up to doing all I want to do are my main obstacles - that & wanting to “do it all!” I think "Black" would tell me to slow down, calm down and Take My Time. To Choose one thing to Work on First, And when I was Happy with that, go on to the Next thing, and to Take my Time, not Rush things and Not Be Too Hard on Myself.
Some people fear black...
I do not fear Black - I think I would feel No fear at All, She seemed Caring and Nice. Black cats are always said to be "Bad", but I Do Not agree with that at all! In fact I just got A Webkins Black Panther to sort of Represent Black while I am writing, because Panthers are Beautiful, sleek, quiet, silky, Wise & Powerful. My Panther is Like "Lady" Black herself, I Think.