(no subject)
Characters: Anakin Skywalker [ihasdarkside] and Padme Amidala [undone_royal]
Setting: Their, uh, house?
Time: Afternoon-ish.
Summary: Anakin is back to normal and going back home, after you know, sleeping on a park bench.
Warnings: These two have been cursed and can srsly, never be happy. Expect some sort of angst.
This is what it feels like to be Anakin Skywalker, right now, at this exact moment.
You’re confused. The past days are replaying in your head and they won’t stop, they’ll never stop, and you’ve accepted that you let your anger to out of control. You’ve done it in the past, but it’s never turned out like this. You’ve allowed your anger to consume you before and kill all those Tuskin Raiders. What you’re confused about is how did you go down the path of the dark side? It makes no sense, you’ve always believed that there is no way such a thing is possible. You even told your own wife, whom you hurt, that you wouldn’t and here it happened.
You feel guilty. During the course of a few days, you have broken the Jedi Code, over and over again. You killed unarmed teenagers, and for what? So the area would be safer because you felt that they would return and repeat their actions? You look at yourself and realize that you’re a danger, more than those kids were. You’ve hurt tons of people, complete strangers without caring if they were to die. You laughed at their pain. You even hurt the one you loved. In your anger, you didn’t want her to leave you and you knew she would and to stop that you tried killing her. To make her afraid of you so she wouldn’t leave. The guilt is eating away at your insides and the dragon is mocking your ability to save people. You don’t save them, you hurt them. It’s telling you that you’re a failure as a Jedi. They’re keepers of the peace and here you stood causing destruction and throwing fear inside of people. Maybe Obi-Wan was right. Maybe Qui-Gon should have left you back on Tatoonie with Watto as a slave.
Finally, you’re angry. You know you shouldn’t be but you’re mad at yourself for allowing everything to happen. It shouldn’t have happened and you know this. You try surprising this feeling but it doesn’t work. There is no way for you to control your feelings, no matter how much advice you get. You’re always angry, you’re always afraid and you’re always suffering in some way. You hold on to memories when Jedi don’t cling to the past. You’re always thinking about your mother, about past mistakes and this is just another thing you’ll never forget. It’s just another one of your failures. You’re walking down the path of the dark side and you can’t turn back. You don’t know how to turn back. There is no Jedi Masters here that can help you know, you're by yourself. No matter how badly you want to turn back, there is a hand that keeps forcing you to move forward. At this point, you’ve stopped walking, you're not going to give into it, but it doesn't help that you're afraid of what you may become.
---
Anakin let out a long sigh as he grabbed his Jedi cloak off of the bench and threw it on. He stretched, cracking his shoulder while doing so and making note to never sleep on a bench again, no matter the situation. He made his way down the sidewalk, looking at how much the scenery had changed. All this happened over night? It was a bit weird but, Anakin enjoyed the look. It gave the city a whole new look, after all. He stopped to look at the flowers, even bending down to get a closer look. Thoughts were racing in his head, like usual, ideas were forming. The next thing Anakin realized was that he was picking a few flowers, he maybe at most had a dozen and they all varied from the tulips to other kinds, all having different colors. The best part was that he didn't have to buy these and could still give them as a gift. He wasn't breaking any rules in his mind.
When he had more than enough, Anakin stood right back up and began walking back towards his house. No. It wasn't his home, his home was back on Coruscant, where the Jedi temple was. He normally stayed in his wife's apartment, but that was still his home. This was just a temporary place to stay. When he got to the door, Anakin would have normally walked right in but there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that told him he should just knock. The voice didn't explain why but nonetheless, Anakin still listened to it and knocked softly. The doors in this city were unusual. They were all made out of wood and you had to turn a handle to open them. They weren't like the ones he was used to, the one made out of metal and had the senors that when you got close to them they would just slide open. Anakin quickly got used to the change but he was more worried about his wife. He always was, no matter what it was about.
Setting: Their, uh, house?
Time: Afternoon-ish.
Summary: Anakin is back to normal and going back home, after you know, sleeping on a park bench.
Warnings: These two have been cursed and can srsly, never be happy. Expect some sort of angst.
This is what it feels like to be Anakin Skywalker, right now, at this exact moment.
You’re confused. The past days are replaying in your head and they won’t stop, they’ll never stop, and you’ve accepted that you let your anger to out of control. You’ve done it in the past, but it’s never turned out like this. You’ve allowed your anger to consume you before and kill all those Tuskin Raiders. What you’re confused about is how did you go down the path of the dark side? It makes no sense, you’ve always believed that there is no way such a thing is possible. You even told your own wife, whom you hurt, that you wouldn’t and here it happened.
You feel guilty. During the course of a few days, you have broken the Jedi Code, over and over again. You killed unarmed teenagers, and for what? So the area would be safer because you felt that they would return and repeat their actions? You look at yourself and realize that you’re a danger, more than those kids were. You’ve hurt tons of people, complete strangers without caring if they were to die. You laughed at their pain. You even hurt the one you loved. In your anger, you didn’t want her to leave you and you knew she would and to stop that you tried killing her. To make her afraid of you so she wouldn’t leave. The guilt is eating away at your insides and the dragon is mocking your ability to save people. You don’t save them, you hurt them. It’s telling you that you’re a failure as a Jedi. They’re keepers of the peace and here you stood causing destruction and throwing fear inside of people. Maybe Obi-Wan was right. Maybe Qui-Gon should have left you back on Tatoonie with Watto as a slave.
Finally, you’re angry. You know you shouldn’t be but you’re mad at yourself for allowing everything to happen. It shouldn’t have happened and you know this. You try surprising this feeling but it doesn’t work. There is no way for you to control your feelings, no matter how much advice you get. You’re always angry, you’re always afraid and you’re always suffering in some way. You hold on to memories when Jedi don’t cling to the past. You’re always thinking about your mother, about past mistakes and this is just another thing you’ll never forget. It’s just another one of your failures. You’re walking down the path of the dark side and you can’t turn back. You don’t know how to turn back. There is no Jedi Masters here that can help you know, you're by yourself. No matter how badly you want to turn back, there is a hand that keeps forcing you to move forward. At this point, you’ve stopped walking, you're not going to give into it, but it doesn't help that you're afraid of what you may become.
---
Anakin let out a long sigh as he grabbed his Jedi cloak off of the bench and threw it on. He stretched, cracking his shoulder while doing so and making note to never sleep on a bench again, no matter the situation. He made his way down the sidewalk, looking at how much the scenery had changed. All this happened over night? It was a bit weird but, Anakin enjoyed the look. It gave the city a whole new look, after all. He stopped to look at the flowers, even bending down to get a closer look. Thoughts were racing in his head, like usual, ideas were forming. The next thing Anakin realized was that he was picking a few flowers, he maybe at most had a dozen and they all varied from the tulips to other kinds, all having different colors. The best part was that he didn't have to buy these and could still give them as a gift. He wasn't breaking any rules in his mind.
When he had more than enough, Anakin stood right back up and began walking back towards his house. No. It wasn't his home, his home was back on Coruscant, where the Jedi temple was. He normally stayed in his wife's apartment, but that was still his home. This was just a temporary place to stay. When he got to the door, Anakin would have normally walked right in but there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that told him he should just knock. The voice didn't explain why but nonetheless, Anakin still listened to it and knocked softly. The doors in this city were unusual. They were all made out of wood and you had to turn a handle to open them. They weren't like the ones he was used to, the one made out of metal and had the senors that when you got close to them they would just slide open. Anakin quickly got used to the change but he was more worried about his wife. He always was, no matter what it was about.