sad

[tempistrage]

I only felt the full strength of my attachment when i no longer saw her. When i saw her, I was only content; but during her absence, my restlessness became painful. The need of living with her caused me ourbreaks of tenderness which often ended in tears. I will never forget my heart full of her image and burning desire to spend my life with her. I had sense enough to see that at the present this was impossible, and that the happiness which i enjoyed so deeply could only be short.
It happened all at once that I came to the grim realization; that there would be no life with her. There would be no old colonial house, there would be Sunday mornings sleeping in enjoying the warmth of each others body’s, there wouldn’t be any trips to tropical islands, no trips on my sailboat. There wouldn’t be any stormy nights cuddling by the fire with a bottle of wine. There wouldn’t be any chrisms mornings opening presents with the children. We wouldn’t build a fortune together, and we wouldn’t have those fancy cars, or those nice cozy couches. No swimming in the lake together on the warm summer afternoons. There would be no happiness. My life as I had planed it was completely changed, and I didn’t have a backup plan. It didn’t seem like life had much purpose anymore.