(no subject)
i finished my first scarf yesterday, i felt very artsy fartsy for knitting my own scarf.... then i got to school and looked around. i do hate manual sometimes, it can make one feel like such a no-talent underachiever.... or maybe just me. but i still love my scarf. i love this song, too, "... and i'll steal you something pretty, and you'll say man, aren't i lucky? i've gone and found myself a crooked lady... and we drove like bandits on the queensway, we held hands like in the movies, i did my best to drive you crazy, and you just captured me ..." she has that ethereal sounding yodle-y voice, like shakira, but not like country music, i dislike that comparison.... anyway, i hate feeling unmotivated, i almost wish i could get back into "stress out, do everything on time, prepared and under control eileen" mode from first semester, but that wasn't any fun, and i'm kind of getting used to this neutral lack-of-feeling feeling. it's like permenant emotional constipation, but only when i'm alone. when i'm with people i don't think about how i'm feeling, i'm just happy. unless i'm getting that vibe that they don't really like me or want me to be around, which i've actually gotten a lot lately. maybe i'm just paranoid, i just hope that if people hate me they'll tell me. i feel very grateful to my friends, i don't know if they realize how much i appreciate their presence. i swear, without them, i'd become completly numb to everything. patrick said he didn't feel like patrick anymore, and i know exactly what he's talking about. i hardly recognize myself when i pass a mirror anymore, and as for my "inner self" i've never known who that was. now i feel like crying for some reason. this is so weird. ah well, i have to make myself finish my homework now, at least that's a constant. then i can sleep, which is also very nice.