illicit romance and piracy have never been so dull

[tempestsarekind]

Why did no one tell me that Elizabeth: The Golden Age was actually really boring? No one seemed to have a personality, which is unexpected with so many larger-than-life characters on screen. Occasionally Raleigh would utter some pirate koan like "Why fear tomorrow when today is all we have?" or something, but that was about it. And the filmmakers did that annoying thing that filmmakers do, which is to forget that people who are supposed to be in love actually have to be shown, like, *interacting* with each other and stuff. In more than an "oh, your Catholic relatives just got executed, let me kiss you and make it better" kind of way. (And just where did these Catholic relatives come from, anyway? I know Bess Throckmorton had Catholics in the family, but I don't recall that any of them were executed. And just who was doing the executing, since Elizabeth was such an Icon of Tolerance [TM] in contrast to Mr. Holy War, Philip of Spain? I'm not asking for historical fidelity, necessarily, but invented stuff should make sense. Make sure we know where people are and who they are. Maybe give people names, every now and again.)

So yeah, nothing made any sense. Not that I should be surprised, given what they did to Robert Dudley in the first film, but still. And did the name "Babington" actually ever pass anyone's lips?

In conclusion, bah. And also humbug.