How could I think I could do that...
After I posted in the journal I sat and cried as I heard Joe in the kitchen putting up groceries. It took alot of courage... maybe cowardace to walk in there and give him his ring back. Joe held me and told me no and "dont do this..." I told him that he would be better off without me because he could sell the ring back maybe even the car and then he would have less bills... with just the ring he would have over half a months paycheck back for himself so that he doesnt have to worry as much about the bills and getting a job for another half a month. He kept holding me close to him and I couldnt help but cry and then he told me that if I left he couldnt promise he would be ok... "Im not going to hurt myself, but I cant say that I wouldnt die. Id die inside without you" is what he said to me. He kept telling me to put the ring back on and even once tried and I kept my hand closed so that he couldnt. But when he told me that without me he would die inside I couldnt bear that. I wanted to leave because I love him. Because I thought if he didnt have to worry about me that things would be better for him. I was so stupid. Of course he wouldnt be ok without me... neither would I. Without him I would die too. I dont care how broke we get. I cant live without him. Without his love. I wake up every morning and see his face and think to myself "Today is a blessing because there is my angel right here and I am in his arms"
I clung to him crying and slipped the ring back on. He told me later before we went to bed that it was scary because Id NEVER taken it off since he gave it to me. Its never going to happen again.
We laid in bed in each others arms last night and talked a little but mostly held each other. We made love like nothing else in the world mattered but each other. He kissed me and told me he loved me and how much I meant to him. He was beautiful. Hes always beautiful. Why I ever thought I might have been ok with leaving...
I could never leave him. I love him too much...
So we get on each others nerves sometimes. Sometimes he pisses me off. Sometimes I piss him off. Sometimes things arent going to be easy or the best time off my life I guess. But... We love each other. And whether I like it or not I need him. And he needs me too. So I think no matter how hard it gets and Im sure sometimes Im gunna want things to be different and "easier" or something but life without him... wont be easier and wont be better. So from now on... Im not leaving unless he pushes me away, and even then Im still fighting for him.
I clung to him crying and slipped the ring back on. He told me later before we went to bed that it was scary because Id NEVER taken it off since he gave it to me. Its never going to happen again.
We laid in bed in each others arms last night and talked a little but mostly held each other. We made love like nothing else in the world mattered but each other. He kissed me and told me he loved me and how much I meant to him. He was beautiful. Hes always beautiful. Why I ever thought I might have been ok with leaving...
I could never leave him. I love him too much...
So we get on each others nerves sometimes. Sometimes he pisses me off. Sometimes I piss him off. Sometimes things arent going to be easy or the best time off my life I guess. But... We love each other. And whether I like it or not I need him. And he needs me too. So I think no matter how hard it gets and Im sure sometimes Im gunna want things to be different and "easier" or something but life without him... wont be easier and wont be better. So from now on... Im not leaving unless he pushes me away, and even then Im still fighting for him.