Phases speeding up.
Hmm, once more I'm in a bit of a weird place. This is quicker than normal. A hasty scan of my posts leads one to believe I have a bit of an existential break-down every few months..and this one is a couple of months ahead of schedule. I'm actually in a pretty good mood at the moment though. (This could be due to the couple of drinks or the fine entertainment (Grindhouse...so sort of), it may also have much to do with other things in my life. I am not so good at discerning things within my own life. Job-wise...I'm still enjoying what I'm doing, even though it really is the job portion of things (working at a comics/game store is nice, but I'm actually working, which is less so ;) But I have no idea what's going on there. My bosses don't communicate much and what little I glean is Not generally to be placed in the good news category. So I don't know if I'll have a job next month, three months, or if it'll be there until I decide to leave or screw up badly. If it does stick around, it doesn't make all of my school loan payments, so I need to figure that one out anyway. I don't have the funds to move elsewhere and I need to at least cover the rent through July. If the job goes away I don't think I shall be long for Manhattan, I love it, but I feel I've already overstayed. I'd stop back by the parents and try and pick up a job that would help cover moving expenses and take off for the coast, Seattle or San Francisco would seem to fit the bill. I'm still betting that the best way to deal with the loans is to enter a grad school of some sort. It'd be a refinancing with the side effect of learning something fun or interesting (not an MBA). My personal life is no cleaner than my professional. I've been messing about with mood swings and depression within the last month or so much more than I remember dealing with before. I'm in an up-swing for the last week or so and I hope it continues. I had thought my outlook relationship-wise wasn't bad...now it is not good. Not awful, but not good. I think I miss the chance for kisses the most. I seem to be coming to peace with giving up on the here and now and waiting for a chance to leave. To try again somewhere and somehow different. I don't know. I don't want this to be the case. I like where I am and who I am. But I've tried that.
It's been recommended that I try out new things here in Manhattan, get involved with a church, a community service group or some such. These things don't really appeal to me. I like helping people, but I like to do so on an individual basis. I know that it is suggested as a way to help me meet new people, this runs into the problem that Manhattan is not really that big of a place, I don't really believe that there are people that I would find of interest and they would find me of interest outside of my circle of knowledge/friends/experience.
So I don't know what I'm going to do or what I should do. But I don't feel too bad about it right now. Perhaps that acceptance of powerlessness and being in the wrong place are all that's needed for things to start working themselves out. But that acceptance hurts.
It's been recommended that I try out new things here in Manhattan, get involved with a church, a community service group or some such. These things don't really appeal to me. I like helping people, but I like to do so on an individual basis. I know that it is suggested as a way to help me meet new people, this runs into the problem that Manhattan is not really that big of a place, I don't really believe that there are people that I would find of interest and they would find me of interest outside of my circle of knowledge/friends/experience.
So I don't know what I'm going to do or what I should do. But I don't feel too bad about it right now. Perhaps that acceptance of powerlessness and being in the wrong place are all that's needed for things to start working themselves out. But that acceptance hurts.