(no subject)
I went out to Suffolk this morning around 3 a.m. to watch the meteors, pretty much froze my ass off, which is ridiculous seeing as it was only seventy degrees. But boy, they were amazing. I can't count the number of showers I've seen, but the massive incredible awe of it never really goes away.
Things are so quiet lately, winding down from something I didn't even know was happening. I mean, well, I don't know what I mean. It's this fall-like weather, it really fucks with a person's head. Everything starts dying and you realize that you're the only one left living. The only one left, and you still can't be a superhero.
I told my dad about the bookreading and he said I should go. Rose said "Why would you want to go all the way up there?" and I shrugged, and she rolled her eyes, and I swear to whoever I'll kill her next time she so much as looks at me. She pulled so many fucking strings trying to get me in trouble last week, and I just want to punch her in the head and ask why she's trying to ruin everything I've been trying so hard to fix. I don't really know what happened, but I'm guessing my dad just told her to leave it be, I'm a kid after all and prone to stupid decisions. In fact, I hope he told her how pretty much every decision I've ever made was stupid, that way I can always have the benefit of the doubt.
But I didn't go home this morning, I just drove for a bit in my pajamas and all the stars were out and some of them were flying and some of them were just radio beacons that looked like God's fine jewelry dangling from his Heaven, broadcasting to a sleeping world. I should probably just move out there so I can stop wasting so much gas ogling at fucking everything. It's just pretty, that's all.
I guess I shouldn't say anything's winding down just yet. I'm trying really hard to catch up with the rest of the twenty-year-olds in the world of art. I think 'catching up' is probably too big of a goal for me to shoot for, so maybe I'm just hoping to 'tag along'. Try to get a seat on the sidelines. I don't know. I just know that when it's all like this and I can sit upstairs and draw stupid things and spout nonsensical lectures to Disashi while he chews on a pencil, I'm usually happy. If that's all there was to life, (that and maybe my kitten), I think everything would be alright. He seems to be enamored with the fat pink one for some reason.
Anyway. I'm pretty much just bored, at the front desk dying, and trying to think of something else to say. I have a stalker from SS, and if he keeps up I'm going to seriously ask Brian if he can shake the guy up, tell him to lay off. He would probably do it, too. But he's been so down lately, it's really sad to see. If I were more polite or straightforward or just plain nice, I'd ask what's up. But I'm not that nice, and I don't like to pry. Even Brian needs his lone moments of emo.
I'm trying very hard to screw up the balls to ask my boss if I can come in late tomorrow. It normally would only piss her of a little, but being as how I'm on desk duty all week, I know shell breathe fire and smoke over it. I'll ask later I guess. Once I get Disashi to the vet and get him all cured (again, goddamit), I'm going to look into finding the boys their new forever home. I just hope it won't be too hard, and whoever takes them is nice to rats but not people, that way they'll never bother to e-mail pictures. I don't want pictures, pictures just make you sad before they get lost in your desk. The world just doesn't need me to be that kind of superhero. Makes sense if I can't even take care of myself. How the hell am I supposed to take care of others? All's well that ends, I suppose. I miss them already.