Ok. Regarding My Most Recent Freakout.
So, today I IM'd masterofmidgets in a sort of stressed out weirded out panicky state. This was a carryover from the night before; doubtless the crying hangover had something to do with it.
Basically, the situation was this. For the last month or so, I've been signed up to do sculpture modeling. Meaning, I'm the model. Unclothed. It sounded kind of fun and all, and although it probably wasn't the most sensible thing to do (found the ad on Craigslist), I had after all met the people and they seem perfectly nice and quite serious about the art, and not about my lack of clothing. I went last night for the first session, and it was perfectly fine. They were friendly and gentlemanly (it's all guys, another reason mum freaked out, although they are all /old/) and even walked me back to my car to protect me from the possible city evils. I called mum, and told her about it, because she knew that I was going to do this, and she totally freaked out. Only I didn't know it then.
Apparently her freak-out carried over to Karl, who was not supposed to know about this. After all, he's kind of - ok, really - pessimistic about the state of the world today, and had already forbidden me to consider such a thing. Anyway, he found out. He called me, and ranted for half an hour about a variety of things, mostly boiling down to 'you're an innocent girl but it's a slippery slope and you're going to end up a prostitute and/or divorced and/or nationally shamed over this. And on a porn site.' *blinks* Also, he told me that I should get a boyfriend if I was considering modeling. WTF? Modeling has nothing to do with boyfriends! It has something to do with the lack of clothes, maybe? I've only had trouble keeping my clothes on since forever. I don't like clothes, as any of my friends could tell you. I certainly don't need to explore a desire for nudity, hello...
I still don't know quite what he was getting at, but as it was doubtless unflattering and probably sick I don't think I'm going to think about it really hard. Oh! He also said that this would hurt my financial aid. HOW?! Tax forms. They look at your tax forms. How on earth could this hurt my financial aid? And he said that I'd end up splashed over the Internet by morning. So totally untrue. And etc. It was very stressful and upsetting and I ended up crying very hard for a while. Next time, I'm gonna hang up on him before he gets to that. I don't need that, especially on a school night when I have a quiz the next day!
Then mum called daddy, and he told me that she said that she didn't trust my judgement like she used to. Being a mama's girl, this made me very upset (still makes me very upset, actually, but I am putting it down to her being worried and forgiving her for this), and was still freaked out this morning and having no idea what to do.
I talked to mum tonight, though, and ended up deciding that I should stop doing this because it would make her happy because she's worried and upset. It's not a big deal on my end, anyway, except that it might encourage Karl to think he was effective. He was, if anything, counter-productive. I was seriously thinking about sticking to this despite Mama's upset because it would show him that I can't be intimidated by that and that he needs to back off and give me protection when I ask for it, not just any old time.
So, that is that. Now I just have to break my word, which is making me rather ill to think about, but then this whole business will be over with and I won't have to worry about it/argue over it anymore and it just doesn't feel worth it to do that. It's so small, you know? And yet, CERTAIN OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE seem to regard it as a huge, life-altering thing. I'm still stewing over the 'your husband will find out about this in ten years and divorce you over it, then you'll be sorry' bit of the lecture. I mean, really. If I marry someone that shallow, I hope I'd say 'fuck you, then' and walk off because no one like that is worth a second thought.
Basically, the situation was this. For the last month or so, I've been signed up to do sculpture modeling. Meaning, I'm the model. Unclothed. It sounded kind of fun and all, and although it probably wasn't the most sensible thing to do (found the ad on Craigslist), I had after all met the people and they seem perfectly nice and quite serious about the art, and not about my lack of clothing. I went last night for the first session, and it was perfectly fine. They were friendly and gentlemanly (it's all guys, another reason mum freaked out, although they are all /old/) and even walked me back to my car to protect me from the possible city evils. I called mum, and told her about it, because she knew that I was going to do this, and she totally freaked out. Only I didn't know it then.
Apparently her freak-out carried over to Karl, who was not supposed to know about this. After all, he's kind of - ok, really - pessimistic about the state of the world today, and had already forbidden me to consider such a thing. Anyway, he found out. He called me, and ranted for half an hour about a variety of things, mostly boiling down to 'you're an innocent girl but it's a slippery slope and you're going to end up a prostitute and/or divorced and/or nationally shamed over this. And on a porn site.' *blinks* Also, he told me that I should get a boyfriend if I was considering modeling. WTF? Modeling has nothing to do with boyfriends! It has something to do with the lack of clothes, maybe? I've only had trouble keeping my clothes on since forever. I don't like clothes, as any of my friends could tell you. I certainly don't need to explore a desire for nudity, hello...
I still don't know quite what he was getting at, but as it was doubtless unflattering and probably sick I don't think I'm going to think about it really hard. Oh! He also said that this would hurt my financial aid. HOW?! Tax forms. They look at your tax forms. How on earth could this hurt my financial aid? And he said that I'd end up splashed over the Internet by morning. So totally untrue. And etc. It was very stressful and upsetting and I ended up crying very hard for a while. Next time, I'm gonna hang up on him before he gets to that. I don't need that, especially on a school night when I have a quiz the next day!
Then mum called daddy, and he told me that she said that she didn't trust my judgement like she used to. Being a mama's girl, this made me very upset (still makes me very upset, actually, but I am putting it down to her being worried and forgiving her for this), and was still freaked out this morning and having no idea what to do.
I talked to mum tonight, though, and ended up deciding that I should stop doing this because it would make her happy because she's worried and upset. It's not a big deal on my end, anyway, except that it might encourage Karl to think he was effective. He was, if anything, counter-productive. I was seriously thinking about sticking to this despite Mama's upset because it would show him that I can't be intimidated by that and that he needs to back off and give me protection when I ask for it, not just any old time.
So, that is that. Now I just have to break my word, which is making me rather ill to think about, but then this whole business will be over with and I won't have to worry about it/argue over it anymore and it just doesn't feel worth it to do that. It's so small, you know? And yet, CERTAIN OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE seem to regard it as a huge, life-altering thing. I'm still stewing over the 'your husband will find out about this in ten years and divorce you over it, then you'll be sorry' bit of the lecture. I mean, really. If I marry someone that shallow, I hope I'd say 'fuck you, then' and walk off because no one like that is worth a second thought.