Prompt 19
Title: Remedy
Author: telwyndubois
Word Count: ~ 1350
Prompt: Nineteen for dogdaysofsummer
Rating: G for language
Summary: “So all of this…green stuff,” Remus says, waving an arm to take in everything, “is aloe?” Silly! Fic. Set in the same place as #5 and #18.
My other prompt entries are here: Five, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Seventeen, Eighteen
I’ll have to finish that catalogue and have that inventory list on Mr. Smith’s desk by tomorrow morning, so I really ought to - Remus blinks, unsure of what he’s seeing as he Apparates into the flat. Then, his eyes widen, and his mouth opens. “Oh my Merlin!” His bag slides off his shoulder as he strides into the living room, all thoughts of work forgotten. “What have you lot been doing?”
Sirius lifts his head and grins sheepishly, and Remus knows that he’s trying to soften the blow.
It isn’t going to work, Remus thinks to himself firmly, taking in his surroundings. The kitchen appears to have been attacked by, well, something - there are knives and bowls and food everywhere, from counter to sink to floor, and the refrigerator seems to be ajar, and James is on his back, while Sirius and Peter are laying on their stomachs in front of the fireplace, in their boxers, with gunk everywhere, and it’s all making his neurotic sensibilities twitch.
He really doesn’t want to have to clean this up.
“Shouldn’t you guys be at work?” Remus says, wondering what he’s come home to.
Peter snorts. “It’s St. Mungo’s Day, or have you forgotten?”
“Oh,” Remus says quietly. But of course he still had work - he isn’t in a wizarding job.
He brushes that thought away. I’ve come to terms with that, he thinks firmly. Aloud, he mutters, “Fall asleep outside, did you?”
James nods, and for a moment Remus knows that James has seen everything that Remus is thinking, and in that nod is a sincere apology for Peter’s tactlessness. “We took a quick trip to the park, and then fell asleep, and, well…” He gestures helplessly.
“Found that book of your gran’s, Moony,” Sirius chimes in, pointing at the kitchen table.
Remus walks over and peers at the open page, wincing at the stains that are everywhere. Hopefully he can get them out later. “’Home remedies for sunburn,’” he reads aloud, his fingers trailing along the words. “Apply aloe vera or vinegar on the affected skin; it will stop inflammation and pain. Rub mustard oil on the affected skin and allow to it dry…” he stops, his mind slowly whirring to try and figure out what’s happened. “So all of this…green stuff,” he says, waving an arm to take in everything, “is aloe?” But it’s not just green, he thinks. There’s something orange on the counter, and are those potatoes over there?
“Anyway, we’ve been here for about half an hour, and I don’t know if this stuff is working,” James says, peering down at his stomach.
Then Remus gets it. Picking up his gran’s book, a gift she left in her will, he turns around slowly, trying to figure out what to tell them. Nothing for it but the truth, right? “You daft sods know that this is a list of multiple different remedies, right?”
James moans. “I told you that, Padfoot! There were periods after every sentence! And it said remedies! Plural!!” The exclamation marks practically materialize over his body.
Ah, for once in his life, Remus thinks, Prongs remembers his grammar. He turns the page and walks over to sit on the couch, wondering if there’s some sort of amazing antidote.
Sirius turns red, so that his cheeks now match the patches of his back that are visible through the gunk. Remus spies a bit of that trail of hair that leads beneath his boxers, and he remembers exploring that with his fingers. “Erm…sorry? Prongs? Wormtail?”
“Never mind,” Remus sighs, settling into his role as the One Who Fixes Things. Wait a minute - there’s someone else for that, now. “Where’s Lily, anyway?”
“Oh, you know how Evans is,” Sirius says lazily. “On the one Wizarding holiday when everybody takes a break - even Voldemort - of course she goes in anyway to finish up a report.”
“I see,” Remus says absentmindedly. There doesn’t seem to be any remedy in the book for a combination of aloe vera, vinegar, apple cider vinegar, mustard oil, cucumber slices, baking powder, lavender and peppermint oil (it looks like a bottle from Lily), Epsom salt, and potatoes. He hopes no one’s allergic to anything.
“Erm…Moony?” Peter’s voice quavers. “Is this supposed to be happening?”
Remus looks up in time to see James and Sirius crane their necks at Peter, who is sporting spots and a panicked look on his face.
“Maybe you’re allergic?” Sirius says thoughtfully, his lips turning up at the ends.
Remus cringes, wishing he’d stayed late at the library. Sometimes, he wonders if he secretly lives in the loony bin.
“Yeah, it seems to be working for us.” James grins, his flesh a burnished pink. Remus isn’t sure, but the stag-boy might be glowing. “How long are we supposed to be like this, anyway?”
“Until we feel better, right?” Sirius groans. “It hurrrrrrrrrrts, Moony. Make it stop!”
“I can’t believe you all got sunburned,” Remus says, still turning pages in the book. “And I’m sorry it hurts, Pads,” he adds as an afterthought.
“Moony?” This time it’s James, his glasses askew, hazel eyes crinkled. “I can’t move my arm, I think.”
Oh, Merlin. Remus peers over the top of the book to find James struggling to lift his arm, the whole thing encased by the dried white-yellow-green mixture that Remus can smell from the couch. You don’t need a werewolf’s ability to smell in order to know that lavender and peppermint and apple cider vinegar don’t mix well together.
“Moony!” Now he’s panicking. Remus sighs, his eyes roving from one of his best mates to the next, all three of them in various states of pain. Never mind the sunburn, Remus muses. It’s the remedy that kills you.
Then, he turns the next page, and spies the answer to all of his problems. Of course his gran had an “End-All Be-All Remedy.” “Ladies and gents, we have an answer to all of your problems.”
Sirius stares at him. “We’re all blokes here.”
Remus cocks an eyebrow at him. “Really, Pads, really?” He gets up and can’t help but gingerly prod Sirius’ ankle with one shoe. “You’re being silly.”
“How long will this take?” Sirius moans, and Remus wonders if he’s exaggerating. Probably.
“I don’t know.” Remus walks with grim satisfaction to the kitchen. “All I need are ingredients from our fridge, but it looks like I’m going to have to clean up first or else I can’t really function. So, in conclusion, it might take awhile.”
When he opens the fridge and ducks his head inside, Remus hears, with some small satisfaction, three voices yell in chorus, “Mooooooooooooooooooooonyyyy!”
Oh, yeah. They owe him big time.
ooo
When Lily finally finishes her report around ten, she puts it down and Apparates into her boyfriend’s flat, thinking about the fact that she’ll probably have to make dinner for the lot of them tonight. She wonders about the fact that they’ve probably done nothing today - well, except for Remus, she amends. But the other three…the beach, maybe? Or running around in the park as their furry little animal selves. That’s probably more likely, she thinks. Now, let’s see…pesto or tomato sauce?
“Hi, Evans!”
“Erm…hello!” she says cautiously, inching her way across the room. She blinks, just to make sure that what she’s seeing is correct. “It’s…so clean! What happened?” The kitchen counters positively sparkle, the carpet is its original beige color, there aren’t any holes or burn marks in the walls…
Remus grins from where he’s sitting on the couch. (Behind him, Sirius is diligently dusting the bookshelves, while James and Peter alphabetize their magazines.) “Meet my new personal slaves, Lily.” He winks as she makes her way over to the couch, staring in wonder. “For the next three days.” Oh, the things he’ll do to Sirius Black…
She smiles, not quite sure what’s happening, but going along with it anyway (over the years, she’s gotten good at that). “Can they be mine too?”
ooo
A/n: Meh. It's silly. Comment?