"Fuck you and everyone in this god-damn city."
Adventures in shaving: So I finally bought this super nice, top of the line electric razor and after two days of using it, my face is all fucked up; covered in in-grown hairs and razor burn. I look like I'm in high school again. Actually, I never had any skin problems until i had to start shaving everyday. Fuck this. Oh and so I specifically told myself to hold itno the receipt becuase the entire idea of an electric razor, which I had a bad experience with when I was 18, was a gamble and so I was gonna return it immediately unless I was 100% satisfied. Yeah well, I think I threw it away anyway.
The weekend was for the most part un-eventful as I went out "big time" on Thursday and was supposed to be in volunteer training all weekend. What actually happpened was my car tire exploded on the highway, I didn't go out on friday cuz i was too hung-over and from thursday and not mentally prepared to go out and instead watched seinfeld dvd's til like 11:30 and went to bed like a loser. I then spent most of Saturday getting my tires re-done, rotated, having my oil changed, and cleaning my apartment. Saturday night was decent. we went to WetBar and I got wasted. Not only did I get wasted but I was in asshole mode. I've decided I hate Jenny, Kyle's roommate, and if she gives me any more psuedo-shit about me not letting her give me a blow-job then I'm gonna punch her. Also, my neighbors all must think I'm a pervert cuz when we got home Kyle put on one of my porn DVD's and we watched it with the volume up rather high. Did we have an orgy or anything like that? No. we sipped on rolling rock, watched porn and Jenny bitched about it. bla bla bla.
However, as one consolation of the weekend going wrong was that I worked more on my movie script on computer than I had done thus far. If it's not typed out to me it doesn't count as accomplished becuase if it's still in my hand-writing it's as good as useless. If i died tomorrow, no one would ever have any idea what I had down on paper... also, I just this morning thought of another movie-script idea that would seem very solid as long as some of the more cliched ideas (the use of comas, and amnesia) are done well. I wonder if I'll ever get any of this stuff done. I wonder what it would be like to sell it and see it produced. I suppose I'll just keep plugging away based off of compulsion, the "what if" factor and nothing better to do with my time.
I'm also just right now calming down after having been in a lethal mood, which if you've read any of my last entries, should not be that much of a surprise. What am I pissed off about you ask? Well I'll tell you:
- I have alienated more people than I can count based on arrogance, inability to keep in touch, selfishness, jealousy, and some other elements I'm sure will present themselves as I continue this list.
- I'm pretty much failing with every one of my new year's resolutions, even the one that should have been the easiest to accomplish for any normal person. And I made these resolutions out of actual interest, need, and desire, not to appease someone else. On one hand I've thought the new year has started out well. It feels like the most of a "new beginning" as one's gonna get in this life; new city, new job, the opportunity to make new friends, etc. One would have thought that some of the baggage would be alleviated, but my mind is constantly racing and I fight the urge to make a phone call that wouldn't be answered or returned anyway on a daily basis. and in moments like these you say "stay strong" but you don't even know what that is. Is being strong admitting everything you've done wrong or just forgetting about it and cruising on down the road? well either i've done the first, would love to do it again, and after that I'll happy move on to option number 2.
- It's occurred to me that nearly every major decision I've made in the past three years has been wrong and stupid.
there was a bunch more I was gonna put, but now my head really hurts.
"No, fuck you Mike. You had everything and you threw it away you stupid fuck."
p.s. hitting that moment when you realize you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself really sucks.
The weekend was for the most part un-eventful as I went out "big time" on Thursday and was supposed to be in volunteer training all weekend. What actually happpened was my car tire exploded on the highway, I didn't go out on friday cuz i was too hung-over and from thursday and not mentally prepared to go out and instead watched seinfeld dvd's til like 11:30 and went to bed like a loser. I then spent most of Saturday getting my tires re-done, rotated, having my oil changed, and cleaning my apartment. Saturday night was decent. we went to WetBar and I got wasted. Not only did I get wasted but I was in asshole mode. I've decided I hate Jenny, Kyle's roommate, and if she gives me any more psuedo-shit about me not letting her give me a blow-job then I'm gonna punch her. Also, my neighbors all must think I'm a pervert cuz when we got home Kyle put on one of my porn DVD's and we watched it with the volume up rather high. Did we have an orgy or anything like that? No. we sipped on rolling rock, watched porn and Jenny bitched about it. bla bla bla.
However, as one consolation of the weekend going wrong was that I worked more on my movie script on computer than I had done thus far. If it's not typed out to me it doesn't count as accomplished becuase if it's still in my hand-writing it's as good as useless. If i died tomorrow, no one would ever have any idea what I had down on paper... also, I just this morning thought of another movie-script idea that would seem very solid as long as some of the more cliched ideas (the use of comas, and amnesia) are done well. I wonder if I'll ever get any of this stuff done. I wonder what it would be like to sell it and see it produced. I suppose I'll just keep plugging away based off of compulsion, the "what if" factor and nothing better to do with my time.
I'm also just right now calming down after having been in a lethal mood, which if you've read any of my last entries, should not be that much of a surprise. What am I pissed off about you ask? Well I'll tell you:
- I have alienated more people than I can count based on arrogance, inability to keep in touch, selfishness, jealousy, and some other elements I'm sure will present themselves as I continue this list.
- I'm pretty much failing with every one of my new year's resolutions, even the one that should have been the easiest to accomplish for any normal person. And I made these resolutions out of actual interest, need, and desire, not to appease someone else. On one hand I've thought the new year has started out well. It feels like the most of a "new beginning" as one's gonna get in this life; new city, new job, the opportunity to make new friends, etc. One would have thought that some of the baggage would be alleviated, but my mind is constantly racing and I fight the urge to make a phone call that wouldn't be answered or returned anyway on a daily basis. and in moments like these you say "stay strong" but you don't even know what that is. Is being strong admitting everything you've done wrong or just forgetting about it and cruising on down the road? well either i've done the first, would love to do it again, and after that I'll happy move on to option number 2.
- It's occurred to me that nearly every major decision I've made in the past three years has been wrong and stupid.
there was a bunch more I was gonna put, but now my head really hurts.
"No, fuck you Mike. You had everything and you threw it away you stupid fuck."
p.s. hitting that moment when you realize you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself really sucks.