(no subject)
i'm having one of the roughest days today. i think i've cried a total of maybe 5 times today. i feel like my world is crashing around me and i'm being crushed by it all. life was going well...but in the last 3 weeks everything has changed...and it's all hit me today. nicki (probably my very best friend) and aaron are moving to nashville in less than 2 weeks. owsley moved out to her own apartment and i'll probably never see her again what with our work schedules, school schedules and her having a boyfriend. denis is also moving off campus and although i don't see much of her now...i'll see even less of her. i feel like i'm alone in my house all the time and i know that maybe to some people that's cool...and it was for me too...at first...but now i hate it. i don't do anything. i don't go anywhere. nobody comes to visit. i am essentially here by myself all the time. and i can't sleep at night because of it. and i am so completely and utterly exhausted that all i want to do is sleep...but i can't. and physically, well, i'm just a mess. and tonight when i was walking back to my house from the car with tears in my eyes...i almost ran into a branch that nearly poked my eye out. and then i freaked out and thought my house was filling with carbon monoxide because it was too early to be tired. i really think i was just thinking of something else that could go wrong for me.
o great...now i'm crying again. i just feel like my life as i knew it is over and i can't do anything about it. it reminds me of this one time that i made (painted) the best piggy bank ever for my mom...only to have it shatter into a million peices...and i couldn't do anything about it. i just stood there and watched it fall to the ground and then i cried.
i'm going home tomorrow. and i don't ever want to come back. it seems like there's nothing here for me anymore. i told mom on the phone that i didn't want to come back. and i told her about not being able to get the medical records. she wasn't mad. she told me to have faith but i told her that it was hard and she said, "no one ever said it was going to be easy." ...but did anybody ever say it was going to be this hard??? i feel like i can't survive this. and i know that i sound ridiculous...but it's how i feel. if anybody reads this can you please pray for me...cause i'd really appreciate it...and i really need it. thanks
o great...now i'm crying again. i just feel like my life as i knew it is over and i can't do anything about it. it reminds me of this one time that i made (painted) the best piggy bank ever for my mom...only to have it shatter into a million peices...and i couldn't do anything about it. i just stood there and watched it fall to the ground and then i cried.
i'm going home tomorrow. and i don't ever want to come back. it seems like there's nothing here for me anymore. i told mom on the phone that i didn't want to come back. and i told her about not being able to get the medical records. she wasn't mad. she told me to have faith but i told her that it was hard and she said, "no one ever said it was going to be easy." ...but did anybody ever say it was going to be this hard??? i feel like i can't survive this. and i know that i sound ridiculous...but it's how i feel. if anybody reads this can you please pray for me...cause i'd really appreciate it...and i really need it. thanks