It Only Matters Who We Are
Title: It Only Matters Who We Are
Characters: Juliet, Amy.
Pairings: References to Juliet/Sawyer, Amy/Horace, Amy/Paul, Amy/Pierre.
Warnings: Spoilers for all DHARMA-era episodes.
Rating: PG
Summary: Written for lostfichallenge #106: friendship. Also, valhalla37, this was partly inspired by your answer to that meme which talked about Pierre in your personal canon. Juliet and Amy reflect on their friendship.
The first time Juliet met Amy, she hadn’t expected a friendship to develop between the two of them. For one thing, she hadn’t expected to remain on the island for long enough anyway. Horace had given them two weeks before they had to get on the sub, and much as James had tried to persuade her, Juliet had had no intention of staying at the time. She’d spent the last three years trying to leave the island, and now she finally had the chance, she’d been determined to take it, until James persuaded her to stay.
For another thing, even though Juliet and her friends had rescued Amy from the Others, it had been obvious to Juliet as soon as Amy removed the earplugs from her ears that Amy didn’t trust any of them. Juliet shouldn’t have been surprised. She should have been used to that by that time, after every other experience she’d had on the island. Harper’s hostility had been obvious even before Juliet’s affair with Goodwin had begun, and as time went by with the pregnant women continuing to die and Juliet unable to find the cause, the distrust in everyone’s eyes had grown. And from the moment she arrived at the beach camp, it had been clear that Juliet would find little in the way of friendship from the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815. Not that she’d cared at the time. Juliet had been determined to align herself with whoever could get her off the island, and Ben had promised to let her go home if she did what he wanted. It was only going to be a week, and then she’d never have to see them again.
As things had turned out, she’d ended up bonding with Sun after their trip to the Staff. But even then, Juliet had never been sure that Sun fully trusted her; the fact that Juliet had been an Other had been a source of tension from the start, and it hadn’t helped that Juliet had blurted out the truth of Sun’s affair to Jin.
For the first few months of their time with DHARMA, Juliet and Amy had been polite but distant. Initially, Juliet’s people had kept their distance from the other DHARMA people - “Don’t get too involved.” Daniel had said. “Whatever happened, happened.” But this was easier said than done when living among such a sociable community as the DHARMA Initiative, and besides, Daniel may have done better to heed his own advice, since Charlotte’s father had actually complained to James about his behaviour around Charlotte, leading to his departure on the next sub.
Amy, too, had her own reasons for keeping her distance from Juliet’s group; Juliet knew that every time she saw them, it must have reminded her of the day Paul died, and even though Amy had understood that the truce must be maintained, it had taken some time for Amy to forgive James for the fact that Paul’s body had had to be handed over to the Hostiles.
Yet it had been this that had prompted Amy to seek out Juliet as a confidante that day; Amy had said that she felt it would be easier to talk to someone who hadn’t known Paul about her growing feelings for Horace. Rosie and Casey, and Amy’s other friends, had all loved Paul; how could they tell her that it was okay, that she wasn’t betraying Paul, when Amy wasn’t sure herself?
“And we’ve been friends for such a long time, you know?” Amy had explained. “Was it as strange for you when you realised how you felt about Jim?”
Yes, it had been a surprise, Juliet considered. But she knew she couldn’t explain the circumstances of how they had really met, or how it had seemed sudden after she had believed she had feelings for Jack (although Juliet now acknowledged that that hadn’t been love on either of their parts).
So she just listened to her, told her that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, that if Amy and Horace wanted to be together then that was all that mattered. Juliet had missed all the opportunities to go home to Rachel and see Julian growing up, she thought; she didn’t want to see Amy missing her own opportunities.
And she talked a little of Goodwin, without the specifics, just told Amy that she’d been involved with someone not long before meeting James and that he had died. And yes, Juliet felt guilty that some days, she could barely remember what Goodwin looked like (although she didn’t mention that this guilt tended to fade every time she remembered Ben’s words about the woman named Ana Lucia Cortez).
She’d been surprised that Amy had seemed to find this advice helpful. But from that moment, Amy’s mistrust of Juliet faded, and the two women had become friends.
When Amy and Horace found out they were expecting a baby, Juliet was the first person that they told.
Oh, God, Juliet had thought on hearing the news, not Amy. But she’d plastered a smile on her face for Amy and Horace, thinking as she did so that her panic was probably irrational anyway. Babies were always delivered on the mainland anyway, and whatever it had been that caused the mothers to die in their second trimester didn’t seem to be happening here - no pregnant woman had died yet during Juliet’s time with DHARMA.
And Juliet wasn’t even involved with the pregnancies any more; part of her agreement with James when she’d decided to stay was that she get to leave that part of her life behind her. Amy did know that Juliet had been a doctor once, but had been given a heavily edited version of why Juliet had left that field (something about struggling to deal with losing one patient), and it had never been spoken of with anyone else again. Even James didn’t know that Juliet had told Amy that.
So Juliet had been able to become excited along with Amy, to sit and discuss baby names (or Amy and Horace’s inability to agree on one) with her for hours at a time (oddly, Ethan had never been mentioned as a possibility), feeling safe in the knowledge that it wouldn’t be like all the other times when she would hold her friend’s life in her hands.
When it was all over, Amy confided in Juliet about the reason she and Horace had argued. And Juliet had to admit that there was a time when she would have seen Horace’s point of view. For the first few weeks of their time in DHARMA, James had talked of what could have happened if he’d stayed on the helicopter, or if on one of the time shifts, he’d somehow managed to warn Kate not to leave. And in the beginning of their relationship, Juliet had wondered what would happen if Kate were to somehow show up again. But she was secure in their relationship by that time. Kate was gone, she was back in her own time. The one time she had come up in conversation, James had said he barely remembered her face.
“It’ll be fine,” she said instead. “James is talking to him now. Everything’s going to be all right. Horace will come to understand that you’re never just going to forget Paul.”
The next day, Juliet was to wish that Amy would be able to reassure her in the same way.
The world Amy and baby Ethan returned to after the evacuation of the island wasn’t the one she had left behind.
Radzinsky had ordered that none of their names were to be spoken again. “You saw what they all did,” he’d ranted. “They set off the goddamn bomb, they killed some of our people. They were working with the man who shot Roger Linus’s son, for God’s sake. A kid. And look at what’s happened to us all since the Incident. And you still care?”
But Amy didn’t listen. Juliet had been her friend, the best friend she had had for the last three years, and Amy hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye to her. But it didn’t matter what had happened; Amy was still entitled to grieve for her.
Horace had confided in her that James had intended to propose to Juliet; Amy had planned to ask her to be little Ethan’s godmother. Now this was never going to happen.
Horace didn’t understand. If he ever spoke of it at all, it was only to agree with Radzinsky. But mostly, he was turning back towards the drink, just as he had that night they’d argued over Paul, and Amy found herself wishing it was Paul who was with her now, Paul who would have at least tried to understand. Amy remembered Horace’s words to her the night of Paul’s death: So this is completely your choice. If you don't want to give him to them, then we will suffer the consequences. At the time, Amy had believed he was actually giving her a choice. Now, she felt that he was pressuring her to hand over Paul’s body just for the sake of the truce.
Pierre understood. Amy didn’t really know why, but she knew it was something to do with Miles Straume, who was believed killed in the explosion. And she knew he was still dealing with the absence of Lara, who hadn’t returned on the sub with Amy. At first it had been the need for a friend that had prompted Amy to seek out Pierre; gradually it had become something more, although both knew that Pierre was always thinking Lara and Amy thinking Paul.
The world had changed for them all since the explosion, and Amy barely knew who anyone was any more. But she knew that Juliet had been her friend, and that she would never forget her.
Characters: Juliet, Amy.
Pairings: References to Juliet/Sawyer, Amy/Horace, Amy/Paul, Amy/Pierre.
Warnings: Spoilers for all DHARMA-era episodes.
Rating: PG
Summary: Written for lostfichallenge #106: friendship. Also, valhalla37, this was partly inspired by your answer to that meme which talked about Pierre in your personal canon. Juliet and Amy reflect on their friendship.
The first time Juliet met Amy, she hadn’t expected a friendship to develop between the two of them. For one thing, she hadn’t expected to remain on the island for long enough anyway. Horace had given them two weeks before they had to get on the sub, and much as James had tried to persuade her, Juliet had had no intention of staying at the time. She’d spent the last three years trying to leave the island, and now she finally had the chance, she’d been determined to take it, until James persuaded her to stay.
For another thing, even though Juliet and her friends had rescued Amy from the Others, it had been obvious to Juliet as soon as Amy removed the earplugs from her ears that Amy didn’t trust any of them. Juliet shouldn’t have been surprised. She should have been used to that by that time, after every other experience she’d had on the island. Harper’s hostility had been obvious even before Juliet’s affair with Goodwin had begun, and as time went by with the pregnant women continuing to die and Juliet unable to find the cause, the distrust in everyone’s eyes had grown. And from the moment she arrived at the beach camp, it had been clear that Juliet would find little in the way of friendship from the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815. Not that she’d cared at the time. Juliet had been determined to align herself with whoever could get her off the island, and Ben had promised to let her go home if she did what he wanted. It was only going to be a week, and then she’d never have to see them again.
As things had turned out, she’d ended up bonding with Sun after their trip to the Staff. But even then, Juliet had never been sure that Sun fully trusted her; the fact that Juliet had been an Other had been a source of tension from the start, and it hadn’t helped that Juliet had blurted out the truth of Sun’s affair to Jin.
For the first few months of their time with DHARMA, Juliet and Amy had been polite but distant. Initially, Juliet’s people had kept their distance from the other DHARMA people - “Don’t get too involved.” Daniel had said. “Whatever happened, happened.” But this was easier said than done when living among such a sociable community as the DHARMA Initiative, and besides, Daniel may have done better to heed his own advice, since Charlotte’s father had actually complained to James about his behaviour around Charlotte, leading to his departure on the next sub.
Amy, too, had her own reasons for keeping her distance from Juliet’s group; Juliet knew that every time she saw them, it must have reminded her of the day Paul died, and even though Amy had understood that the truce must be maintained, it had taken some time for Amy to forgive James for the fact that Paul’s body had had to be handed over to the Hostiles.
Yet it had been this that had prompted Amy to seek out Juliet as a confidante that day; Amy had said that she felt it would be easier to talk to someone who hadn’t known Paul about her growing feelings for Horace. Rosie and Casey, and Amy’s other friends, had all loved Paul; how could they tell her that it was okay, that she wasn’t betraying Paul, when Amy wasn’t sure herself?
“And we’ve been friends for such a long time, you know?” Amy had explained. “Was it as strange for you when you realised how you felt about Jim?”
Yes, it had been a surprise, Juliet considered. But she knew she couldn’t explain the circumstances of how they had really met, or how it had seemed sudden after she had believed she had feelings for Jack (although Juliet now acknowledged that that hadn’t been love on either of their parts).
So she just listened to her, told her that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, that if Amy and Horace wanted to be together then that was all that mattered. Juliet had missed all the opportunities to go home to Rachel and see Julian growing up, she thought; she didn’t want to see Amy missing her own opportunities.
And she talked a little of Goodwin, without the specifics, just told Amy that she’d been involved with someone not long before meeting James and that he had died. And yes, Juliet felt guilty that some days, she could barely remember what Goodwin looked like (although she didn’t mention that this guilt tended to fade every time she remembered Ben’s words about the woman named Ana Lucia Cortez).
She’d been surprised that Amy had seemed to find this advice helpful. But from that moment, Amy’s mistrust of Juliet faded, and the two women had become friends.
When Amy and Horace found out they were expecting a baby, Juliet was the first person that they told.
Oh, God, Juliet had thought on hearing the news, not Amy. But she’d plastered a smile on her face for Amy and Horace, thinking as she did so that her panic was probably irrational anyway. Babies were always delivered on the mainland anyway, and whatever it had been that caused the mothers to die in their second trimester didn’t seem to be happening here - no pregnant woman had died yet during Juliet’s time with DHARMA.
And Juliet wasn’t even involved with the pregnancies any more; part of her agreement with James when she’d decided to stay was that she get to leave that part of her life behind her. Amy did know that Juliet had been a doctor once, but had been given a heavily edited version of why Juliet had left that field (something about struggling to deal with losing one patient), and it had never been spoken of with anyone else again. Even James didn’t know that Juliet had told Amy that.
So Juliet had been able to become excited along with Amy, to sit and discuss baby names (or Amy and Horace’s inability to agree on one) with her for hours at a time (oddly, Ethan had never been mentioned as a possibility), feeling safe in the knowledge that it wouldn’t be like all the other times when she would hold her friend’s life in her hands.
When it was all over, Amy confided in Juliet about the reason she and Horace had argued. And Juliet had to admit that there was a time when she would have seen Horace’s point of view. For the first few weeks of their time in DHARMA, James had talked of what could have happened if he’d stayed on the helicopter, or if on one of the time shifts, he’d somehow managed to warn Kate not to leave. And in the beginning of their relationship, Juliet had wondered what would happen if Kate were to somehow show up again. But she was secure in their relationship by that time. Kate was gone, she was back in her own time. The one time she had come up in conversation, James had said he barely remembered her face.
“It’ll be fine,” she said instead. “James is talking to him now. Everything’s going to be all right. Horace will come to understand that you’re never just going to forget Paul.”
The next day, Juliet was to wish that Amy would be able to reassure her in the same way.
The world Amy and baby Ethan returned to after the evacuation of the island wasn’t the one she had left behind.
Radzinsky had ordered that none of their names were to be spoken again. “You saw what they all did,” he’d ranted. “They set off the goddamn bomb, they killed some of our people. They were working with the man who shot Roger Linus’s son, for God’s sake. A kid. And look at what’s happened to us all since the Incident. And you still care?”
But Amy didn’t listen. Juliet had been her friend, the best friend she had had for the last three years, and Amy hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye to her. But it didn’t matter what had happened; Amy was still entitled to grieve for her.
Horace had confided in her that James had intended to propose to Juliet; Amy had planned to ask her to be little Ethan’s godmother. Now this was never going to happen.
Horace didn’t understand. If he ever spoke of it at all, it was only to agree with Radzinsky. But mostly, he was turning back towards the drink, just as he had that night they’d argued over Paul, and Amy found herself wishing it was Paul who was with her now, Paul who would have at least tried to understand. Amy remembered Horace’s words to her the night of Paul’s death: So this is completely your choice. If you don't want to give him to them, then we will suffer the consequences. At the time, Amy had believed he was actually giving her a choice. Now, she felt that he was pressuring her to hand over Paul’s body just for the sake of the truce.
Pierre understood. Amy didn’t really know why, but she knew it was something to do with Miles Straume, who was believed killed in the explosion. And she knew he was still dealing with the absence of Lara, who hadn’t returned on the sub with Amy. At first it had been the need for a friend that had prompted Amy to seek out Pierre; gradually it had become something more, although both knew that Pierre was always thinking Lara and Amy thinking Paul.
The world had changed for them all since the explosion, and Amy barely knew who anyone was any more. But she knew that Juliet had been her friend, and that she would never forget her.