You Were My Hardest Goodbye
Title: You Were My Hardest Goodbye
Fandom: Elite
Characters: Guzman. Mentions of Polo
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers for S4, mention of character death
Summary: Once Guzman loved Polo, then he hated him. As he prepares to leave for his travels he feels that finally he once again understands him.
He’s not been here since the funeral, had always avoided it due to his complicated feelings towards Polo, yet Guzman knows that he has to make this one last stop before he and Ander leave town. At one time, Guzman, Ander and Polo had talked about doing a travel year all together after they finished at Las Encinas. Now Guzman and Ander will be living that dream alone, but Polo will be with them in spirit; Guzman and Ander have already agreed that they will be adding the stops that Polo had always suggested. Polo had been interested in visiting New Zealand, and also the US; Guzman and Ander have agreed they will go to the US, but maybe not New York (although it would be nice to catch up with Lu again, Guzman’s not sure he’s ready to see Nadia quite yet, and he and Ander are in agreement that they don’t want to see Malik. Still, he knows he doesn’t have to make the final decision about that at this stage; maybe once they’ve been travelling a while, he’ll feel better about the idea of going there.)
There was a time when Guzman had been sure he would never forgive Leopoldo Benavent Villada (he smiles to himself imagining Polo’s reaction to his full name being the one on his gravestone; Polo had always hated the name, and Guzman and Ander used to address him by it when they really wanted to piss him off as kids), and then a time when he’d felt he was able to make his peace with Polo, while a part of him still wasn’t sure he could ever fully forgive him. Now, Guzman feels for the first time in a long while that he actually understands him.
Maybe this new understanding and forgiveness had crept up on him gradually; he hadn’t thought of it in the moment when he was talking to Ari, yet when he thought about the conversation later, Guzman realised that he had referred to Polo as his best friend automatically in a way he hadn’t done in months. It wasn’t often that the subject came up at all; for obvious reasons, Guzman has tended to avoid the subject of Polo as far as possible around Samuel. Ander is the only person Guzman really talks to about Polo at all; he’s never felt that he could discuss him with anyone who didn’t know the history, anyone to whom he’d need to explain who Polo was, before that conversation with Ari. Now he wonders when exactly Polo had become his best friend again.
He’d made his peace with the guy in Polo’s final moments, even though he had been convinced earlier that same day that he could never forgive him for killing Marina, and even in the moment when he said “I forgive you”, Guzman had understood that there was a part of him that never entirely would. But now that Guzman wakes every night after nightmares of the night he killed Armando, he finds himself wondering if Polo had the same kind of nightmares about Marina, if he saw himself night after night swinging that trophy. He wonders if Polo had spent those last weeks watching over his shoulder, in case Ander said anything to anyone, or even Christian all the way in Switzerland; even though Guzman knows he can trust Samuel and Rebe, knows they have all gone through so much together and they would do anything to protect him, he still fears the day when Armando is discovered, when evidence is found tying him and his friends to the crime. He’s talked about it with Samuel, sure, and Samuel has tried to reassure him, but Guzman finds that the one person he really wants to talk to now, the person who will understand better than anyone, is Polo.
He raises his can and drinks to his friend, thinks of the trip he and Ander will be taking in his honour, and feels that even though he’d said it in the moment, now is the time he has truly made his peace with Polo.
Fandom: Elite
Characters: Guzman. Mentions of Polo
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers for S4, mention of character death
Summary: Once Guzman loved Polo, then he hated him. As he prepares to leave for his travels he feels that finally he once again understands him.
He’s not been here since the funeral, had always avoided it due to his complicated feelings towards Polo, yet Guzman knows that he has to make this one last stop before he and Ander leave town. At one time, Guzman, Ander and Polo had talked about doing a travel year all together after they finished at Las Encinas. Now Guzman and Ander will be living that dream alone, but Polo will be with them in spirit; Guzman and Ander have already agreed that they will be adding the stops that Polo had always suggested. Polo had been interested in visiting New Zealand, and also the US; Guzman and Ander have agreed they will go to the US, but maybe not New York (although it would be nice to catch up with Lu again, Guzman’s not sure he’s ready to see Nadia quite yet, and he and Ander are in agreement that they don’t want to see Malik. Still, he knows he doesn’t have to make the final decision about that at this stage; maybe once they’ve been travelling a while, he’ll feel better about the idea of going there.)
There was a time when Guzman had been sure he would never forgive Leopoldo Benavent Villada (he smiles to himself imagining Polo’s reaction to his full name being the one on his gravestone; Polo had always hated the name, and Guzman and Ander used to address him by it when they really wanted to piss him off as kids), and then a time when he’d felt he was able to make his peace with Polo, while a part of him still wasn’t sure he could ever fully forgive him. Now, Guzman feels for the first time in a long while that he actually understands him.
Maybe this new understanding and forgiveness had crept up on him gradually; he hadn’t thought of it in the moment when he was talking to Ari, yet when he thought about the conversation later, Guzman realised that he had referred to Polo as his best friend automatically in a way he hadn’t done in months. It wasn’t often that the subject came up at all; for obvious reasons, Guzman has tended to avoid the subject of Polo as far as possible around Samuel. Ander is the only person Guzman really talks to about Polo at all; he’s never felt that he could discuss him with anyone who didn’t know the history, anyone to whom he’d need to explain who Polo was, before that conversation with Ari. Now he wonders when exactly Polo had become his best friend again.
He’d made his peace with the guy in Polo’s final moments, even though he had been convinced earlier that same day that he could never forgive him for killing Marina, and even in the moment when he said “I forgive you”, Guzman had understood that there was a part of him that never entirely would. But now that Guzman wakes every night after nightmares of the night he killed Armando, he finds himself wondering if Polo had the same kind of nightmares about Marina, if he saw himself night after night swinging that trophy. He wonders if Polo had spent those last weeks watching over his shoulder, in case Ander said anything to anyone, or even Christian all the way in Switzerland; even though Guzman knows he can trust Samuel and Rebe, knows they have all gone through so much together and they would do anything to protect him, he still fears the day when Armando is discovered, when evidence is found tying him and his friends to the crime. He’s talked about it with Samuel, sure, and Samuel has tried to reassure him, but Guzman finds that the one person he really wants to talk to now, the person who will understand better than anyone, is Polo.
He raises his can and drinks to his friend, thinks of the trip he and Ander will be taking in his honour, and feels that even though he’d said it in the moment, now is the time he has truly made his peace with Polo.