(no subject)
[Private]
Sometimes being incurably polite never pays. I should have made sure she was fine and then left. I shouldn't have spoken to her at all. Now she knows I was after a necklace. And what if somehow, unrealistically, it gets all pieced together? It would be like fate was conspiring against me, if that happened. I have to work quickly. She won't think of it again, but I will. I will think of it constantly. Assume somehow she ended up in His hands. And he saw it there.. there in her mind. That is much more likely. And he will wonder. Why I was in a Muggle area. Me, of all people. Why I wanted a locket. And then he will think of Kreacher. Such a thing is below his notice, I am well aware, but I cannot imagine he can be too careful with something like this. He would eventually remember it was my house elf he borrowed. And then the necklace he will understand. And then I will be dead.
I can't let that happen. It all depends on so many accidents of fate. No, I won't sit idly by. It will be soon. I will do it. I have a necklace now, it is a reasonable facsimile, Kreacher tells me. Though he looks at it with such fear. There is really only one thing left now.
Would it be like committing suicide? Is it even any better? To so willingly go to your death. I've never wanted to end my life. I cling to it more and more every day. It is such unfortunate timing, this. Things are almost seeming right in my life. Apart from the constant strain of this secret. I can almost pretend everything else is fine.
It's a foolish dream. And I will go willingly. I am no Gryffindor, but I am a Slytherin. Through and through. And there is nothing more that I would love than to be His downfall.
[/Private]
I think I will lie down, as I feel strange No one cares, so why do I b I have no vague ominous statements to share with you all, and nothing of consequence is going on I could possibly share, so I don't know why I even bother
Sometimes being incurably polite never pays. I should have made sure she was fine and then left. I shouldn't have spoken to her at all. Now she knows I was after a necklace. And what if somehow, unrealistically, it gets all pieced together? It would be like fate was conspiring against me, if that happened. I have to work quickly. She won't think of it again, but I will. I will think of it constantly. Assume somehow she ended up in His hands. And he saw it there.. there in her mind. That is much more likely. And he will wonder. Why I was in a Muggle area. Me, of all people. Why I wanted a locket. And then he will think of Kreacher. Such a thing is below his notice, I am well aware, but I cannot imagine he can be too careful with something like this. He would eventually remember it was my house elf he borrowed. And then the necklace he will understand. And then I will be dead.
I can't let that happen. It all depends on so many accidents of fate. No, I won't sit idly by. It will be soon. I will do it. I have a necklace now, it is a reasonable facsimile, Kreacher tells me. Though he looks at it with such fear. There is really only one thing left now.
Would it be like committing suicide? Is it even any better? To so willingly go to your death. I've never wanted to end my life. I cling to it more and more every day. It is such unfortunate timing, this. Things are almost seeming right in my life. Apart from the constant strain of this secret. I can almost pretend everything else is fine.
It's a foolish dream. And I will go willingly. I am no Gryffindor, but I am a Slytherin. Through and through. And there is nothing more that I would love than to be His downfall.
[/Private]
I think I will lie down, as I feel strange No one cares, so why do I b I have no vague ominous statements to share with you all, and nothing of consequence is going on I could possibly share, so I don't know why I even bother