My speech to you, whoever you are.
Adapted from the film 100 Girls:
Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even though I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days watching football and playing video games together. I swear, I'll never criticize you for trying to be helpful. I will strike the phrases "Does this make me look fat?" and "How much do you love me?" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if the way you chew is disgusting. I won't nag. Hell, I won't get mad at you for leaving your socks on the floor. I won't even criticize you if you have bad taste in music. And I won't complain if you buy one of those red sports cars during your mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week if you want, even if your mom is a total bitch with a capital B. I declare, I'll never get jealous of your female friends. I'll never huff and puff if you want to spend a night out with the guys. I would never compare you to my exes. I will give you enough space that you'll never feel suffocated, but I'll always be there to rub your shoulders when you've had a rough day. I'll baby you when you are sick. I'll never act like your mother or try to get you to eat awful tasting vegetables just because they are good for you. I'll get to know your friends, and never dictate who you should hang out with. Of course you can have poker night with the guys at my place; I'll even stop by the store and pick up some beers. I promise not to drag you to a movie you really don't want to see, I'll go with my girl friends instead. I would never expect you to remember the anniversary of our first kiss or what outfit I wore on our first date. I will never refer to any part of you as "small" or "tiny." I'll respect you; I would never try to demean or belittle you, especially in front of your friends. I will purchase whatever lingerie you want me to wear. With me, you'll always find my legs shaven and silky smooth. I vow to never pry when you respond with "nothing" to the question, "What are you thinking about?" I'll want do what it takes you please you. We'll make the most passionate, intimate love you've ever had. I will like you exactly as you are. I declare now, I will give my life for you.
Even with all of the lessons I learned in relationships, nothing has helped me understand men more than putting this together. I can't take full credit for the final product; I had a lot of help from some very patient friends. :)
Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even though I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days watching football and playing video games together. I swear, I'll never criticize you for trying to be helpful. I will strike the phrases "Does this make me look fat?" and "How much do you love me?" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if the way you chew is disgusting. I won't nag. Hell, I won't get mad at you for leaving your socks on the floor. I won't even criticize you if you have bad taste in music. And I won't complain if you buy one of those red sports cars during your mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week if you want, even if your mom is a total bitch with a capital B. I declare, I'll never get jealous of your female friends. I'll never huff and puff if you want to spend a night out with the guys. I would never compare you to my exes. I will give you enough space that you'll never feel suffocated, but I'll always be there to rub your shoulders when you've had a rough day. I'll baby you when you are sick. I'll never act like your mother or try to get you to eat awful tasting vegetables just because they are good for you. I'll get to know your friends, and never dictate who you should hang out with. Of course you can have poker night with the guys at my place; I'll even stop by the store and pick up some beers. I promise not to drag you to a movie you really don't want to see, I'll go with my girl friends instead. I would never expect you to remember the anniversary of our first kiss or what outfit I wore on our first date. I will never refer to any part of you as "small" or "tiny." I'll respect you; I would never try to demean or belittle you, especially in front of your friends. I will purchase whatever lingerie you want me to wear. With me, you'll always find my legs shaven and silky smooth. I vow to never pry when you respond with "nothing" to the question, "What are you thinking about?" I'll want do what it takes you please you. We'll make the most passionate, intimate love you've ever had. I will like you exactly as you are. I declare now, I will give my life for you.
Even with all of the lessons I learned in relationships, nothing has helped me understand men more than putting this together. I can't take full credit for the final product; I had a lot of help from some very patient friends. :)