On Sleep--or Lack Thereof
I've had a tumultuous relationship with sleep my entire adult life. I don't recall having issues falling asleep when I was younger, or even in high school, besides the occasional sleepless night from playing endless hours of Sims 2--but what self-respecting teenage nerd-chick doesn't? I had regular night-terrors, but didn't consciously find my quality of sleep, or amount of sleep, to be lacking.
I am always tired. I had my thyroid levels checked about five years ago, but everything was fine. My exhaustion stems from an inability to lay quietly and invite sleep into my body. My mind races over the millions of things I haven't done/should've done/need to do tomorrow, so I developed the annoying habit of getting back up if I can't fall asleep in about 5, maybe 10 minutes. My differential diagnosis stems from three primary contributing factors: 1)lack of daily physical exercise rigorous enough to burn excess energy, 2)lack of self-control in ensuring I stay in bed for a reasonable period of time to allow my mind and body time to relax and enter a state conducive to sleep, and 3)poor time management during regular "awake" hours so I feel I can go to bed guilt-free of the shoulda-woulda-coulda's. As a product of this, I function regularly on 2-6 hours of sleep. I've gotten slightly better lately, but I had been taking a 5 mg melatonin--a hormone our body secretes naturally to induce sleep--to ensure I get a full 8+ hours a night. However, they leave me mildly groggy for the majority of the day, causing much the same effect as the original sleep deprivation. Crystal, knowing of my dependency on sleep aids previously in college, was not impressed with this regular practice. After an argument about it (and the anti-depressant I'm currently taking for which insomnia is a side effect; a major contributing factor I proooobably should've included above. Meh.), I haven't taken one since. Not that she said I couldn't, but I recognize the practice to be a byproduct of my reluctant sleep schedule, perhaps better modified by other lifestyle changes. I suppose I should probably mention the copious amounts of diet pepsi I drink daily as well. It's such a ridiculously expensive habit, so I'm trying really hard not to buy any more cases from the store. I end up drink 5-6 cans a day, or more sometimes. Not good for your teeth, not good for your health... ya know. I gave up drinking coffee when I started my medication, knowing insomnia was a common side effect, which resulted in regular mild-headaches (I've noticed a resurgence of these since drastically cutting back on diet pepsi as well).
Currently, I've been up for 36 hours, due to today being Black Friday and my intense need to SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOP. I'm exhausted in every way. But instead of coming home and resting/sleeping like my oh-so-wise better half, suddenly deep cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the whole apartment and cleaning the stove was VITALANDIHAVETODOITNOOOOOW. Even now, sitting quietly in the living room alone, I feel my inner, horrible voice calling to watchnetflixreadabookstudyforfinals?nah...readabooksurfthenetreadabook! Anything but sleep.
Stupid inner voice.
I promise a happy update soon. I don't want this to simply be an outlet for negativity. I am blessed, and gorrammit, at least I have a bed in which I can not-sleep in, right?
I am always tired. I had my thyroid levels checked about five years ago, but everything was fine. My exhaustion stems from an inability to lay quietly and invite sleep into my body. My mind races over the millions of things I haven't done/should've done/need to do tomorrow, so I developed the annoying habit of getting back up if I can't fall asleep in about 5, maybe 10 minutes. My differential diagnosis stems from three primary contributing factors: 1)lack of daily physical exercise rigorous enough to burn excess energy, 2)lack of self-control in ensuring I stay in bed for a reasonable period of time to allow my mind and body time to relax and enter a state conducive to sleep, and 3)poor time management during regular "awake" hours so I feel I can go to bed guilt-free of the shoulda-woulda-coulda's. As a product of this, I function regularly on 2-6 hours of sleep. I've gotten slightly better lately, but I had been taking a 5 mg melatonin--a hormone our body secretes naturally to induce sleep--to ensure I get a full 8+ hours a night. However, they leave me mildly groggy for the majority of the day, causing much the same effect as the original sleep deprivation. Crystal, knowing of my dependency on sleep aids previously in college, was not impressed with this regular practice. After an argument about it (and the anti-depressant I'm currently taking for which insomnia is a side effect; a major contributing factor I proooobably should've included above. Meh.), I haven't taken one since. Not that she said I couldn't, but I recognize the practice to be a byproduct of my reluctant sleep schedule, perhaps better modified by other lifestyle changes. I suppose I should probably mention the copious amounts of diet pepsi I drink daily as well. It's such a ridiculously expensive habit, so I'm trying really hard not to buy any more cases from the store. I end up drink 5-6 cans a day, or more sometimes. Not good for your teeth, not good for your health... ya know. I gave up drinking coffee when I started my medication, knowing insomnia was a common side effect, which resulted in regular mild-headaches (I've noticed a resurgence of these since drastically cutting back on diet pepsi as well).
Currently, I've been up for 36 hours, due to today being Black Friday and my intense need to SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOP. I'm exhausted in every way. But instead of coming home and resting/sleeping like my oh-so-wise better half, suddenly deep cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the whole apartment and cleaning the stove was VITALANDIHAVETODOITNOOOOOW. Even now, sitting quietly in the living room alone, I feel my inner, horrible voice calling to watchnetflixreadabookstudyforfinals?nah...readabooksurfthenetreadabook! Anything but sleep.
Stupid inner voice.
I promise a happy update soon. I don't want this to simply be an outlet for negativity. I am blessed, and gorrammit, at least I have a bed in which I can not-sleep in, right?