(no subject)
First time I've made any post in quite a while. Life's changed quite a bit since then. Now a single man. Now considering for the first time in quite a while what my job might be in the future.
To be honest, in many moments I feel like a scared little boy all over again. In many many other moments, though, I feel ready to kick some serious ass. As soon as the new semester ends, I'm going to be sober a lot more, working out more frequently, and hopefully picking up another part-time job to supplement my one (which I recently found out I will be able to keep even with my sub-full-time-student number of credit hours).
Hardest three things of singlehood: 1.) Motivating myself to cook alone. That one's the hardest, especially when night falls as early as it does these days. Again, hoping semester will make this easier. 2.) Showering EVERY single day. Every other day is fine, I'm not that gross and it's a waste of water. 3.) Using a bar as a place to meet other single people. Really, who doesn't feel awkward about that?
I was hesitant to write up this entry, feel as if I should be "beyond" this medium by now in my maturation. In fact, quite the other thing. I feel a lot better for having composed this. In a way, these little blurbs seem a bit more like a contract crossed with a pep talk than what I worry they are (wallowing in self-pity, which they were for quite a many years). I also fear being generic, but I can't have everything, right? What matters is that my feet land in the right direction by the end of it.
Things I like:
- The sound of my own voice (working on this one, I promise)
- Loyalty that's deserved
- A genuine, open interest in people
- Honesty
- Indulgence in vice with a sense of restraint
- Dirty talk
- Mad Men
Things I don't like:
- Impatience (getting better, though it needs to not just be with most things; it needs to be with everything)
- Cruelty (getting better, except with the excessively drunk who cause problems; Bloomington is not yr goddamn playground, and I will happily make fun of you in front of yr friends if you think it's your place to stumble over and act chummy just because you want to sleep with any girl I'm sitting with...see, I need to work on it)
- Lack of consideration (in action and in word/sentiment, both of which I could work on plenty myself)
- Abject thumb-sucking: patience is important, yes, but life moves in only one direction; it's hard enough to keep up with as is without people who have all the facts that they can possibly have still diddling around. (Perhaps another good entry into the "Things I like (but am still working on)" category: trusting one's intuition without shucking the facts) I am perhaps less apologetic about my impatience with this than I should be. We'll see how that develops over the next decade.
To be honest, in many moments I feel like a scared little boy all over again. In many many other moments, though, I feel ready to kick some serious ass. As soon as the new semester ends, I'm going to be sober a lot more, working out more frequently, and hopefully picking up another part-time job to supplement my one (which I recently found out I will be able to keep even with my sub-full-time-student number of credit hours).
Hardest three things of singlehood: 1.) Motivating myself to cook alone. That one's the hardest, especially when night falls as early as it does these days. Again, hoping semester will make this easier. 2.) Showering EVERY single day. Every other day is fine, I'm not that gross and it's a waste of water. 3.) Using a bar as a place to meet other single people. Really, who doesn't feel awkward about that?
I was hesitant to write up this entry, feel as if I should be "beyond" this medium by now in my maturation. In fact, quite the other thing. I feel a lot better for having composed this. In a way, these little blurbs seem a bit more like a contract crossed with a pep talk than what I worry they are (wallowing in self-pity, which they were for quite a many years). I also fear being generic, but I can't have everything, right? What matters is that my feet land in the right direction by the end of it.
Things I like:
- The sound of my own voice (working on this one, I promise)
- Loyalty that's deserved
- A genuine, open interest in people
- Honesty
- Indulgence in vice with a sense of restraint
- Dirty talk
- Mad Men
Things I don't like:
- Impatience (getting better, though it needs to not just be with most things; it needs to be with everything)
- Cruelty (getting better, except with the excessively drunk who cause problems; Bloomington is not yr goddamn playground, and I will happily make fun of you in front of yr friends if you think it's your place to stumble over and act chummy just because you want to sleep with any girl I'm sitting with...see, I need to work on it)
- Lack of consideration (in action and in word/sentiment, both of which I could work on plenty myself)
- Abject thumb-sucking: patience is important, yes, but life moves in only one direction; it's hard enough to keep up with as is without people who have all the facts that they can possibly have still diddling around. (Perhaps another good entry into the "Things I like (but am still working on)" category: trusting one's intuition without shucking the facts) I am perhaps less apologetic about my impatience with this than I should be. We'll see how that develops over the next decade.