Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Or as I like to call it "Superman Returns: Redux." Sigh.
Or you could call it: "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of WTF???"
Or, as Ron said, "I've lost two hours and my butt hurts. Either I've been abducted by aliens or I just saw the new Indy movie."
Double-sigh. For the record, Ron also says that "The Temple of Doom" is better than this one and he loathes that film. I liked "Temple" so I can heartily agree.
DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE IF YOU LIKED THE ORIGINAL THREE!!!!
That being said, spoilers ahead. Sigh
There are worse ways to spend two hours of one's life. At a drag race (four hours spent there were the most boring four of my life), reading a romance novel, going to church...
I saw this last night and already the details are starting to fade. Perhaps I'm just blocking it out.
This movie was not as bad as say, "Cutthroat Island," but in a way, it was worse. At least that one had a bunch of funny stuff that I could point to and say, "See this is why that's a bad film."
The latest Indy wasn't bad, per se, but it certainly wasn't memorable. It wasn't epic. The villain was lame. I mean LAME. A Soviet scientist interested in psychic phenomena as a possible weapon for the Motherland. Ho-hum.
This felt more like an epilogue than a movie.
He meets up with Marion again. Karen Allen has gained some weight, but it doesn't matter because of her obvious love of playing the character again. They have a love-child named "Mutt". He picked his own name, just like dear old Henry, Jr. Oh, and almost everyone in the film calls Indy "Henry" or "Dr. Jones," NOT Indiana. Oh, and Mutt never knew that Indy was his dad.
This movie wastes John Hurt more than "Spaceballs" did. Actually, one could say that "Spaceballs" didn't really *waste* John Hurt since the gag was a good one.
This movie couldn't suck as hard as it should have because the cast was great. That actually makes it worse for me. I can't even look back and laugh at Indy surviving a nuclear explosion by GETTING INTO A REFRIGERATOR!!!
That's the other unforgivable thing. Every Indiana Jones movie has moments where the audience says, "There is no fucking way that he survived that." (See: the scenes in "Temple" where they survive the plane crash or jump the gap in the mining car.) The trick is getting everyone so caught up in the film that it doesn't occur to them until much later.
This movie never caught me. It is filled with huge flying fluffy buffalo crapping pixie dust all over my head and the story was so weak, it gave me no umbrella.
Aliens. Inter-dimensional beings. Aliens who collect lots of artifacts from all over the world and then destroy them all by leaving. Who builds these friggin' lairs, anyway? Destruction Of Everything, Inc?
The bad guys were two feet from the friggin' "Lost Ark" and left it behind.
The magnetism only works sometimes. Not when the skull is covered with a cloth, but when it is surrounded by artifacts.
Harrison Ford is nowhere NEAR as viral as Sean Connery was and you only see Sean Connery in a picture.
No Marcus (for obvious reasons) and no Saul??? I thought that John Rhys-Davies was dead, but no, he JUST WASN'T IN THIS.
He survived a nuclear blast in a FUCKING REFRIGERATOR!!!!
Don't go see this movie. I don't care how much of a die-hard Indy fan you are. It sucks. And it could possibly spoil the others.
Oh, and Indy gets married to Marion at the end.
Bullshit.
Or you could call it: "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of WTF???"
Or, as Ron said, "I've lost two hours and my butt hurts. Either I've been abducted by aliens or I just saw the new Indy movie."
Double-sigh. For the record, Ron also says that "The Temple of Doom" is better than this one and he loathes that film. I liked "Temple" so I can heartily agree.
DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE IF YOU LIKED THE ORIGINAL THREE!!!!
That being said, spoilers ahead. Sigh
There are worse ways to spend two hours of one's life. At a drag race (four hours spent there were the most boring four of my life), reading a romance novel, going to church...
I saw this last night and already the details are starting to fade. Perhaps I'm just blocking it out.
This movie was not as bad as say, "Cutthroat Island," but in a way, it was worse. At least that one had a bunch of funny stuff that I could point to and say, "See this is why that's a bad film."
The latest Indy wasn't bad, per se, but it certainly wasn't memorable. It wasn't epic. The villain was lame. I mean LAME. A Soviet scientist interested in psychic phenomena as a possible weapon for the Motherland. Ho-hum.
This felt more like an epilogue than a movie.
He meets up with Marion again. Karen Allen has gained some weight, but it doesn't matter because of her obvious love of playing the character again. They have a love-child named "Mutt". He picked his own name, just like dear old Henry, Jr. Oh, and almost everyone in the film calls Indy "Henry" or "Dr. Jones," NOT Indiana. Oh, and Mutt never knew that Indy was his dad.
This movie wastes John Hurt more than "Spaceballs" did. Actually, one could say that "Spaceballs" didn't really *waste* John Hurt since the gag was a good one.
This movie couldn't suck as hard as it should have because the cast was great. That actually makes it worse for me. I can't even look back and laugh at Indy surviving a nuclear explosion by GETTING INTO A REFRIGERATOR!!!
That's the other unforgivable thing. Every Indiana Jones movie has moments where the audience says, "There is no fucking way that he survived that." (See: the scenes in "Temple" where they survive the plane crash or jump the gap in the mining car.) The trick is getting everyone so caught up in the film that it doesn't occur to them until much later.
This movie never caught me. It is filled with huge flying fluffy buffalo crapping pixie dust all over my head and the story was so weak, it gave me no umbrella.
Aliens. Inter-dimensional beings. Aliens who collect lots of artifacts from all over the world and then destroy them all by leaving. Who builds these friggin' lairs, anyway? Destruction Of Everything, Inc?
The bad guys were two feet from the friggin' "Lost Ark" and left it behind.
The magnetism only works sometimes. Not when the skull is covered with a cloth, but when it is surrounded by artifacts.
Harrison Ford is nowhere NEAR as viral as Sean Connery was and you only see Sean Connery in a picture.
No Marcus (for obvious reasons) and no Saul??? I thought that John Rhys-Davies was dead, but no, he JUST WASN'T IN THIS.
He survived a nuclear blast in a FUCKING REFRIGERATOR!!!!
Don't go see this movie. I don't care how much of a die-hard Indy fan you are. It sucks. And it could possibly spoil the others.
Oh, and Indy gets married to Marion at the end.
Bullshit.