Goldilocks should have been here
So, the new owners of my house came by with their architect. Was supposed to be for half an hour. The house is filled to the rafters with boxes and...boxes and I wondered how they could even measure anything when they couldn't even get into the rooms...but, hey, that was their problem.
It was raining, raining, raining, and more raining. It was cold, cold, and...you get the picture. So new owners come in. Few minutes later, architect comes in. Then real estate agent walks in. Then, Edison walks in; he's the one whose going to paint everything. Then the floor man walks in. Then Ron Galant walks in. He's the central air conditioning dude. I was thinking to myself that it was turning out to be A Night at the Opera thing. Then I took a real good look at Ron Galant. He was wearing shorts, tee shirt, and sandals. It was very cold outside. And, as I mentioned, very wet.
Me: Umm. Aren't you cold? You're dressed for summer and it's...not.
Ron: Oh! I always wear shorts. Right, guys?
Guys: Yeah. He always does. Never have seen him in long pants.
Me: Never?
Ron: Never.
Guys: Never.
Ron: I was 17 years old when I decided that I was never gonna wear long pants again.
This mystified me.
Me *amused*: Oh, you and Peter Jackson have something in common.
Ron *smiling broadly*: Who?
Me: Uh. Peter Jackson. The director from New Zealand. Lord of the Rings? King Kong? He always wears shorts, even in winter.
Ron: Well, if he's been wearing shorts for more than 30 years, then I am copying him. But if he's been wearing shorts less than 30 years, he's copying me!
Me *couldn't let it go*: Are you married?
Ron *looking at me as if I was coming on to him*: Not anymore!
Me *needing to disabuse him of that thought*: Well, when you got married, did you wear long pants?
Ron: Oh. Well. Yeah. I wear them only in front of priests, rabbis, judges and..well, that's about it. But my second wife had a pair of tuxedo pants made into shorts, so after the ceremony, I wore them for the reception.
He then proceeded to tell me that wearing shorts was also good luck because it saved his life.
Me: Oh?
Ron: Yeah. Once I was in Israel and my group was going touring and we were told we had to wear long pants because it got very cold at night where we were going.
Me: So, naturally, you arrived wearing...shorts.
Ron *winking*: You know it, baby!
Me: And this saved you, how?
Ron: Well, the group did not let me go with them. I was left at the hotel. It ended well, but the group was accosted, taken hostage--no deaths--but it was harrowing.
Us: What!
Ron *smiling*: Yeah, so my shorts kept me from that life and death situation.
Me: Well.
Ron *going upstairs*: Say are you married?
Didn't answer because the doorbell rang and more people came in. The new owners of the house looked at me and said that they hoped that I didn't mind that they invited all these people. Of course not, I thought bitterly, this is just what I need. A billion people climbing over everything!
The real estate lady looked at me apologetically. She told me that she felt like all of them should help me in some way.
Hmm. 10 minutes later, Ron/Peter had finished walking the dog, floor guy had moved some boxes for me downstairs, new owner had made coffee, architect had packed a box with books, and Edison...he just walked around shaking his head and telling me that the house was very large and it would take him and his three helpers a really long time to do the paint job.
I stood back and smiled. Me and my little family. Spending four hours together. Now it would be great if they..went home. Eventually, they did. Before Ron left he told me not to worry about him because he's never too hot, or too cold. He's always just right. Oh, did I forget to mention that Ron is...bowlegged? Yeah.
It was raining, raining, raining, and more raining. It was cold, cold, and...you get the picture. So new owners come in. Few minutes later, architect comes in. Then real estate agent walks in. Then, Edison walks in; he's the one whose going to paint everything. Then the floor man walks in. Then Ron Galant walks in. He's the central air conditioning dude. I was thinking to myself that it was turning out to be A Night at the Opera thing. Then I took a real good look at Ron Galant. He was wearing shorts, tee shirt, and sandals. It was very cold outside. And, as I mentioned, very wet.
Me: Umm. Aren't you cold? You're dressed for summer and it's...not.
Ron: Oh! I always wear shorts. Right, guys?
Guys: Yeah. He always does. Never have seen him in long pants.
Me: Never?
Ron: Never.
Guys: Never.
Ron: I was 17 years old when I decided that I was never gonna wear long pants again.
This mystified me.
Me *amused*: Oh, you and Peter Jackson have something in common.
Ron *smiling broadly*: Who?
Me: Uh. Peter Jackson. The director from New Zealand. Lord of the Rings? King Kong? He always wears shorts, even in winter.
Ron: Well, if he's been wearing shorts for more than 30 years, then I am copying him. But if he's been wearing shorts less than 30 years, he's copying me!
Me *couldn't let it go*: Are you married?
Ron *looking at me as if I was coming on to him*: Not anymore!
Me *needing to disabuse him of that thought*: Well, when you got married, did you wear long pants?
Ron: Oh. Well. Yeah. I wear them only in front of priests, rabbis, judges and..well, that's about it. But my second wife had a pair of tuxedo pants made into shorts, so after the ceremony, I wore them for the reception.
He then proceeded to tell me that wearing shorts was also good luck because it saved his life.
Me: Oh?
Ron: Yeah. Once I was in Israel and my group was going touring and we were told we had to wear long pants because it got very cold at night where we were going.
Me: So, naturally, you arrived wearing...shorts.
Ron *winking*: You know it, baby!
Me: And this saved you, how?
Ron: Well, the group did not let me go with them. I was left at the hotel. It ended well, but the group was accosted, taken hostage--no deaths--but it was harrowing.
Us: What!
Ron *smiling*: Yeah, so my shorts kept me from that life and death situation.
Me: Well.
Ron *going upstairs*: Say are you married?
Didn't answer because the doorbell rang and more people came in. The new owners of the house looked at me and said that they hoped that I didn't mind that they invited all these people. Of course not, I thought bitterly, this is just what I need. A billion people climbing over everything!
The real estate lady looked at me apologetically. She told me that she felt like all of them should help me in some way.
Hmm. 10 minutes later, Ron/Peter had finished walking the dog, floor guy had moved some boxes for me downstairs, new owner had made coffee, architect had packed a box with books, and Edison...he just walked around shaking his head and telling me that the house was very large and it would take him and his three helpers a really long time to do the paint job.
I stood back and smiled. Me and my little family. Spending four hours together. Now it would be great if they..went home. Eventually, they did. Before Ron left he told me not to worry about him because he's never too hot, or too cold. He's always just right. Oh, did I forget to mention that Ron is...bowlegged? Yeah.