(no subject)
I am fucking freaking out right now. My stomach hurts so bad it feels like it's eating itself. I am not eating right and i know it. It scares me - a lot. But at the same time a horrible part of me loves it.
I am so hungry, that i am beyond hungry. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Two years i think. I want to eat, but NOTHING sounds good. What am i supposed to do when that happens? I just want to curl up in bed and fall asleep because i know when i wake up the hunger pains will be gone.
I want to/should call my therapist and let her know i'm not doing well, but i don't want her to know.
Fuck i feel like shit. I don't even know what i eat anymore. I hate this i hate this i hate this.
Why the fuck can i not have a fucking normal relationship with food?
I hate this. I am so fucking sick of this shit. My eating disorder is so happy right now. I am not happy. When i am weak because of not eating i let the eating disorder take over.
I will now go try to force food down my throat.
I am so hungry, that i am beyond hungry. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Two years i think. I want to eat, but NOTHING sounds good. What am i supposed to do when that happens? I just want to curl up in bed and fall asleep because i know when i wake up the hunger pains will be gone.
I want to/should call my therapist and let her know i'm not doing well, but i don't want her to know.
Fuck i feel like shit. I don't even know what i eat anymore. I hate this i hate this i hate this.
Why the fuck can i not have a fucking normal relationship with food?
I hate this. I am so fucking sick of this shit. My eating disorder is so happy right now. I am not happy. When i am weak because of not eating i let the eating disorder take over.
I will now go try to force food down my throat.