The New England Conference
I left home with nothing but $10, a stolen suit, an acoustic guitar, and a handful of hopes and dreams. I packed a change of clothes, because it’s time to move on.
This is what I do when I feel lost.
Life is like a puzzle. I put all the pieces together, and there is still one piece missing. That one tiny hole is enough to make me wonder whether or not it’s worth living for what little time I may have left. Without it… well, you know how it is, I presume.
I figure if I create a place for new pieces, I can forget about that one gap, if only for a moment.
Something inside me told me to say goodbye, I realize that now. I drove as far north as I could on a half tank of gas, but like everything I try to do in my life, it’s not good enough. I thought a lot on the way up.
It’s funny, but some things take a long time to really hit me the way they should.
The word ‘overdose’ very suddenly turns to ‘suicide.’
The word ‘suicide’ decides that reproduction is in order, and turns into ‘suicide pact.’
Fuck. If that isn’t a slap in the face, I don’t know what is…
So I then find myself in a Target parking lot with $4 and an empty tank of gas. I don’t know; there was something about that parking lot that really fucked with me. I got directions off map quest using the wireless internet from the parking lot.
Hurrah.
The gravity of the situation hasn’t yet been fully appreciated. I think it’s easiest to just say that I’m stupid. So I hop in the back seat, and throw on my suit. Dress shoes? Fuck, might as well. The guitar is tuned to E minor. Perfect.
The key of Em = Emo. That’s just how it works. Also notice Em = Emo - o.
The best way to get an audience is to create some hype, so what else is there to do? I grab a few random guys walking by, and tell them they should stand around my car for a while, and look like they’re having a good time.
I hope they were having a good time.
The best way to lose an audience is to be boring on stage. I hop on the roof, and sing like I have never sung before, and it was amazing. I rocked out like a metal band on an acoustic guitar, and did a sexy dance.
You know what they say about opposites?
After a while, the three menfolk standing around my car and myself attracted a few mildly interested womenfolk. It was cool; people actually knew what I was playing, and sang along. And that’s when it happened.
My heart was ripped to pieces, only to be put back together, and broken again.
That’s the only way I can describe it.
Standing underneath a street light, on top of my car, in the center of a parking lot in some backwoods town in Maine, singing an Unspoken Theory original. It started to snow, and all I can remember was looking into the street light, through the snow and thinking.
Thank God for previously established musical icons.
There is so much more beauty in the world than we will ever be able to comprehend.
Amen.
Two hours, seventeen sing along songs, and $70 later. I was finally alone at my car, with the exception of one girl that had been there since the beginning. She asked me what I was doing here, and I told her that I didn’t know. I guess I must have run out of gas.
Did I want a place to stay? Not really, but I needed a place to call home. Once again, people ask the wrong question, or even worse… don’t even know any of this is happening. Don't aknowledge my existence, and go long periods of time without speaking to me. Gr.
She asked if I wanted to come out with her, and get something to eat or… whatever. Seeing as I hadn’t eaten in what felt like days, I agreed, and it wasn’t soon after.
She asked me who I was, and I told her I didn’t know.
She asked me what I did know, and I told her.
I told her everything…
My name is Brian. I’m 17 years old. I grew up in Boston, and sometimes I still miss it. I love the ocean, I love theme parks, I love air planes, and I hate selling my soul to total strangers. I love waiting in line, and I am in love with the stars, and the summer sky.
Sometimes I still wish that you understood…
Okay, who am I kidding?
All the time.
I decided that I might as well just go the rest of the way, I was so close anyway. My two old best friends are dead. They committed suicide, because they were stupid and thought it would be cool, or something. My parents are abusive, but it’s okay; I’ve grown used to it.
It doesn’t hurt me anymore.
So why does your silence still sting?
I trusted you… I thought you cared.
My life is going to end pretty soon. 3mg at a time. Twice a day, as long as it takes, and then I will die.
I was basically kidnapped, at this point.
She had a really nice apartment, considering she was only nineteen. She tried moderately hard to get me to have sex with her, but I told it like it was. My heart is way too broken to do anything but sing sad songs, and run away from home.
I’m way too emo for my own good.
Maybe she could have saved me.
She said she understood, and who knows. Maybe that was the truth. She asked me to sing her to sleep, and since that’s all I’m good for, I agreed. I always manage to see the best in people, and for once in my life, I saw all of the good in the world. All the beauty and truth, and it was completely amazing.
I snuck out of the house, and left nothing but a letter expressing my deepest gratitude.
I only have two keys left now.
That must have hurt…
She told me that she loved me, after only knowing me for a few hours.
She told me that she loved me, and who knows.
Maybe she meant it.
Peace, Love, Empathy
This is what I do when I feel lost.
Life is like a puzzle. I put all the pieces together, and there is still one piece missing. That one tiny hole is enough to make me wonder whether or not it’s worth living for what little time I may have left. Without it… well, you know how it is, I presume.
I figure if I create a place for new pieces, I can forget about that one gap, if only for a moment.
Something inside me told me to say goodbye, I realize that now. I drove as far north as I could on a half tank of gas, but like everything I try to do in my life, it’s not good enough. I thought a lot on the way up.
It’s funny, but some things take a long time to really hit me the way they should.
The word ‘overdose’ very suddenly turns to ‘suicide.’
The word ‘suicide’ decides that reproduction is in order, and turns into ‘suicide pact.’
Fuck. If that isn’t a slap in the face, I don’t know what is…
So I then find myself in a Target parking lot with $4 and an empty tank of gas. I don’t know; there was something about that parking lot that really fucked with me. I got directions off map quest using the wireless internet from the parking lot.
Hurrah.
The gravity of the situation hasn’t yet been fully appreciated. I think it’s easiest to just say that I’m stupid. So I hop in the back seat, and throw on my suit. Dress shoes? Fuck, might as well. The guitar is tuned to E minor. Perfect.
The key of Em = Emo. That’s just how it works. Also notice Em = Emo - o.
The best way to get an audience is to create some hype, so what else is there to do? I grab a few random guys walking by, and tell them they should stand around my car for a while, and look like they’re having a good time.
I hope they were having a good time.
The best way to lose an audience is to be boring on stage. I hop on the roof, and sing like I have never sung before, and it was amazing. I rocked out like a metal band on an acoustic guitar, and did a sexy dance.
You know what they say about opposites?
After a while, the three menfolk standing around my car and myself attracted a few mildly interested womenfolk. It was cool; people actually knew what I was playing, and sang along. And that’s when it happened.
My heart was ripped to pieces, only to be put back together, and broken again.
That’s the only way I can describe it.
Standing underneath a street light, on top of my car, in the center of a parking lot in some backwoods town in Maine, singing an Unspoken Theory original. It started to snow, and all I can remember was looking into the street light, through the snow and thinking.
Thank God for previously established musical icons.
There is so much more beauty in the world than we will ever be able to comprehend.
Amen.
Two hours, seventeen sing along songs, and $70 later. I was finally alone at my car, with the exception of one girl that had been there since the beginning. She asked me what I was doing here, and I told her that I didn’t know. I guess I must have run out of gas.
Did I want a place to stay? Not really, but I needed a place to call home. Once again, people ask the wrong question, or even worse… don’t even know any of this is happening. Don't aknowledge my existence, and go long periods of time without speaking to me. Gr.
She asked if I wanted to come out with her, and get something to eat or… whatever. Seeing as I hadn’t eaten in what felt like days, I agreed, and it wasn’t soon after.
She asked me who I was, and I told her I didn’t know.
She asked me what I did know, and I told her.
I told her everything…
My name is Brian. I’m 17 years old. I grew up in Boston, and sometimes I still miss it. I love the ocean, I love theme parks, I love air planes, and I hate selling my soul to total strangers. I love waiting in line, and I am in love with the stars, and the summer sky.
Sometimes I still wish that you understood…
Okay, who am I kidding?
All the time.
I decided that I might as well just go the rest of the way, I was so close anyway. My two old best friends are dead. They committed suicide, because they were stupid and thought it would be cool, or something. My parents are abusive, but it’s okay; I’ve grown used to it.
It doesn’t hurt me anymore.
So why does your silence still sting?
I trusted you… I thought you cared.
My life is going to end pretty soon. 3mg at a time. Twice a day, as long as it takes, and then I will die.
I was basically kidnapped, at this point.
She had a really nice apartment, considering she was only nineteen. She tried moderately hard to get me to have sex with her, but I told it like it was. My heart is way too broken to do anything but sing sad songs, and run away from home.
I’m way too emo for my own good.
Maybe she could have saved me.
She said she understood, and who knows. Maybe that was the truth. She asked me to sing her to sleep, and since that’s all I’m good for, I agreed. I always manage to see the best in people, and for once in my life, I saw all of the good in the world. All the beauty and truth, and it was completely amazing.
I snuck out of the house, and left nothing but a letter expressing my deepest gratitude.
I only have two keys left now.
That must have hurt…
She told me that she loved me, after only knowing me for a few hours.
She told me that she loved me, and who knows.
Maybe she meant it.
Peace, Love, Empathy