Revelation
I’ll never be good enough for you. I’m okay with that. I’ll never be good enough for anyone. I’ve come to accept that nothing I can do will ever really matter. Let me explain.
I talked to a friend of mine in the car. He asked me how life was, and I said it sucked. I’ll be completely honest here, and tell you. In the past month or so, I have considered suicide, and began cutting myself on a regular basis. I’ve realized that life is just going to suck, and that’s all there is to it. The only thing I can do is accept it.
We continued to talk, and I continued to realize. I’m not so sure that life was meant to be taken seriously. It’s more of a cruel joke, now that I think about it. Why not laugh at it? Why not skip the part where life just gets you down, and realize that some day you’ll be dead, and it won’t matter anyway.
The further away from home I get, the more I begin to see that life is pain, and that salvation is different for each person. All I want out of life is companionship. I know I shouldn’t depend on others for happiness, but I don’t feel that’s what I would be doing at all. I just need someone to talk to, and someone I can be with. There are some serious drawbacks to this, seeing as I am so afraid of people, and that when I start getting close to someone, I more or less push myself away.
So what do I do? Let go?
I get out of the car, and lie down in the middle of the field I’m parked next to. The moon reflecting off the snow illuminates everything so perfectly. I look at all of the stars, and my heart just overflows. That’s the only way I can explain it. The emotion came pouring out and for the first time in a long time, I felt everything that I had hidden inside myself.
I let go.
Love, hate, heart ache, and heart break. It was in that moment that I saw exactly what I had to do. The cycle had to be broken, and I had to break it myself. Life isn’t just pain, and lies, and suffering. Life is beauty, and truth, and hope.
Once again, I turn to the stars, and think of someone. I wish more than anything that she could be here, and that I could show her. Show her the beauty, and truth, and hope. I don’t need to be happy with myself, just okay. All I have to do now is accept that this is who I am, and be cool with it.
I need to show you, no matter who you are, that in order to find happiness, you must first find yourself. In order to find yourself, you must acknowledge what your heart feels.
My heart feels for something that it may never have. What about yours?
I talked to a friend of mine in the car. He asked me how life was, and I said it sucked. I’ll be completely honest here, and tell you. In the past month or so, I have considered suicide, and began cutting myself on a regular basis. I’ve realized that life is just going to suck, and that’s all there is to it. The only thing I can do is accept it.
We continued to talk, and I continued to realize. I’m not so sure that life was meant to be taken seriously. It’s more of a cruel joke, now that I think about it. Why not laugh at it? Why not skip the part where life just gets you down, and realize that some day you’ll be dead, and it won’t matter anyway.
The further away from home I get, the more I begin to see that life is pain, and that salvation is different for each person. All I want out of life is companionship. I know I shouldn’t depend on others for happiness, but I don’t feel that’s what I would be doing at all. I just need someone to talk to, and someone I can be with. There are some serious drawbacks to this, seeing as I am so afraid of people, and that when I start getting close to someone, I more or less push myself away.
So what do I do? Let go?
I get out of the car, and lie down in the middle of the field I’m parked next to. The moon reflecting off the snow illuminates everything so perfectly. I look at all of the stars, and my heart just overflows. That’s the only way I can explain it. The emotion came pouring out and for the first time in a long time, I felt everything that I had hidden inside myself.
I let go.
Love, hate, heart ache, and heart break. It was in that moment that I saw exactly what I had to do. The cycle had to be broken, and I had to break it myself. Life isn’t just pain, and lies, and suffering. Life is beauty, and truth, and hope.
Once again, I turn to the stars, and think of someone. I wish more than anything that she could be here, and that I could show her. Show her the beauty, and truth, and hope. I don’t need to be happy with myself, just okay. All I have to do now is accept that this is who I am, and be cool with it.
I need to show you, no matter who you are, that in order to find happiness, you must first find yourself. In order to find yourself, you must acknowledge what your heart feels.
My heart feels for something that it may never have. What about yours?