Happy National Hairball Awareness day!
I have come to the conclusion that there are several professors at PBA in a secret association called PASSFF: Professors Against Students Studying For Finals, affectionately called Pass or Fail by its affiliates. How do i know this? Well, there have been many hints along the way, but my greatest single piece of evidence is this bizarre assignment my composition prof assigned to us the week before finals. We had to take three pages of Othello and translate it into a modern dialect. Mine was cockney. Thank goodness for this site:
http://www.nakedtranslations.com/en/2004/02/000068.php
It's great fun.
Desdemona: Then 'opefully 'eaven will 'ave Piccadilly Percy on me.
Othello: I would 'ope so too.
Desdemona: I 'ope ya will 'ave Piccadilly Percy on me too! I never wronged ya in me whole Porridge Knife. I never fancied Cassio, I cared abaht 'im as a China Plate. I never showed 'im any sign of romantic golden dove.
Othello: I Bear's Paw 'im 'oldin' the 'andkerchief! Ya Bob Cryer, you're turnin' me Horse and Cart ter stone, and makin' me call wot I'll do murder, chicken pen I 'ad been thinkin' of it as a sacrifice! I Bear's Paw the 'andkerchief.
Desdemona: 'e found it somewhere, then. I never gave it ter 'im. Tell 'im ter come 'ere. 'e'll tell the truf.
Othello: 'e's already done so.
Desdemona: Wot, me lord?
Othello: That 'e 'ad Posh n Becks wif ya.
Desdemona: Wot? 'ad Posh n Becks wif me?
Othello: Yeah.
Desdemona: 'e wouldn't say that.
Othello: Nah. 'e won't say aahhht anymore. 'onest Iago's 'rranged that.
Desdemona: Oh, I'm scared. Wot, is 'e brahn bread?
Othello: If 'e 'ad as many lives as 'e's got 'airs on 'is Crust of Bread, I would've killed them aw in revenge.
Desdemona: Oh, 'e's been betrayed, and I've been ruined.
Othello: Wot, ya Doug McClure, 're ya cryin' for 'im wite in front of me?
Desdemona: Send me away, me lord, but daan't kill me!
Othello: Daahhhn, Doug McClure!
Desdemona: Kill me tomorra, but let me bee 'ive tonight.
Othello: Nah, if ya struggle wif me-
Desdemona: Just Ca and Calf an 'our!
Othello: While I'm doin' this, I can't pause for a moment.
Desdemona: Just let me say wahn Weavers' Chair!
Othello: It's too Cilla Black. (he smothers her)
Emilia: (offstage) Me lord, me lord! Wotcha! Me lord, me lord!
Othello: What's that Box of Toys? In'cha brahn bread yet? I kna I'm cruel, but I'm merciful too. I daan't want ya ter linger in Cynthia.
Emilia: (offstage) Wotcha! Me lord, me lord!
Othello: Who's there?
Emilia: (offstage) Oh me lord, I need ter speak ter ya!
Othello: Yeah, it's Emilia.(to EMILIA)-Just a Cock Linnet!-She's brahn bread na.-Emilia's prolly come ter tell me that Cassio's been killed. The chuffin' Read and Write outside was loud. So! You're not movin' anymore? Nah, you're as Beechams Pill as a grave. Should I let 'er in? Is that a Robin Hood idea? I fin' she's movin' again-na. Wot should I do? If she comes in, she'll try ter speak ter me trouble and strife. Me trouble and strife, me trouble and strife! Wot trouble and strife? I daan't 'ave a trouble and strife. Oh, this is unbearable! Oh, the bleedin' 'orror! There should be a 'uge eclipse of the currant ban and the moon, na that Desdemona's nah longer on this earf.
Emilia: (offstage) Hairy Biscuits and Cheese, me lord. I need ter speak wif ya. oh, me Robin Hood lord!
Othello:I'd forgotten abaht you-Emilia, wait a moment, let me draw the bleedin' curtains.(closes the bed curtains) Where 're ya? (unlocks the door) Emilia enters
Othello: What's the matter wif ya na?
Emilia: Oh, me lord, terrible murders 'ave been committed over there!
Othello: Wot? Just na?
Emilia: Yeah, just na, me lord.
Othello: It's 'cause of the chuffin' full moon. It comes too close ter the earf and drives men 6's and 7's.
Emilia: Cassio's killed a young Venetian named Rodrigo.
Othello: Roderigo's been killed? and Cassio's killed?
Emilia: Nah, Cassio wasn't killed.
Othello: Cassio's not brahn bread? Then the bleedin' Pete Tong geeza is brahn bread, and sweet revenge 'as gone Pete Tong.
Desdemona: Oh, I've been murdered unfairly!
Emilia: Oh lord, who's that cryin'?
Othello: That? Wot?
Emilia: Oh, nah, that was me lady's Hobson's Choice.
EMILIA Opens the bedcurtains.
'elp! 'elp! oh, lydy, speak again. sweet Desdemona! Oh sweet mistress, speak!
Desdemona: I'm dyin' an innocent Gooseberry Puddin'.
Emilia: Oh, 'oo did this fin'?
Desdemona: Nah wahn. I did it myself. Give me golden dove ter me kind Old Pot And Pan. oh, goodbye!
DESDEMONA dies.
Othello: Why, 'a could she 'ave been murdered?
Emilia: Me God, 'oo knows?
Othello: Ya 'eard 'er say it wasn't me.
Emilia: Yeah, she said that. I must scapa fla report wot 'appened.
Othello: She was lyin' even as she was garn daahhhn ter Gypsy Nell. I did kill 'er.
Emilia: Then she was even more an angel, and you're an even blacker devil!
Othello: She was fickle and unfaithful, loike Ten Furlongs.
Emilia: You've Kate Moss-ed your Chinese Blind ter accuse 'er of cheatin'. She was utterly true ter ya!
Othello: Cassio 'ad Posh n Becks wif 'er. Ask your Old Pot And Pan if ya doubt me. If I didn't 'ave a Robin Hood reason ter do this, blimey me ter the bleedin' very bottom of Gypsy Nell. Your Old Pot And Pan knew abaht everythin'.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan!
Othello: Your Old Pot And Pan.
Emilia: 'e said she was unfaithful?
Othello: Yeah, wif Cassio. if she'd been faithful ter me, I never would 'ave given 'er up, not even if God 'imself offered me a jewel as big as a planet in exchange for 'er.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan.
Othello: Yeah, 'e's the bloomin' wahn 'oo Damien Hirst told me abaht 'er. 'e's an 'onest geeza 'oo detests evil actions.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan!
Othello: Why do ya keep repeatin' that, Gooseberry Puddin'? I'm tellin' ya, your Old Pot And Pan.
http://www.nakedtranslations.com/en/2004/02/000068.php
It's great fun.
Desdemona: Then 'opefully 'eaven will 'ave Piccadilly Percy on me.
Othello: I would 'ope so too.
Desdemona: I 'ope ya will 'ave Piccadilly Percy on me too! I never wronged ya in me whole Porridge Knife. I never fancied Cassio, I cared abaht 'im as a China Plate. I never showed 'im any sign of romantic golden dove.
Othello: I Bear's Paw 'im 'oldin' the 'andkerchief! Ya Bob Cryer, you're turnin' me Horse and Cart ter stone, and makin' me call wot I'll do murder, chicken pen I 'ad been thinkin' of it as a sacrifice! I Bear's Paw the 'andkerchief.
Desdemona: 'e found it somewhere, then. I never gave it ter 'im. Tell 'im ter come 'ere. 'e'll tell the truf.
Othello: 'e's already done so.
Desdemona: Wot, me lord?
Othello: That 'e 'ad Posh n Becks wif ya.
Desdemona: Wot? 'ad Posh n Becks wif me?
Othello: Yeah.
Desdemona: 'e wouldn't say that.
Othello: Nah. 'e won't say aahhht anymore. 'onest Iago's 'rranged that.
Desdemona: Oh, I'm scared. Wot, is 'e brahn bread?
Othello: If 'e 'ad as many lives as 'e's got 'airs on 'is Crust of Bread, I would've killed them aw in revenge.
Desdemona: Oh, 'e's been betrayed, and I've been ruined.
Othello: Wot, ya Doug McClure, 're ya cryin' for 'im wite in front of me?
Desdemona: Send me away, me lord, but daan't kill me!
Othello: Daahhhn, Doug McClure!
Desdemona: Kill me tomorra, but let me bee 'ive tonight.
Othello: Nah, if ya struggle wif me-
Desdemona: Just Ca and Calf an 'our!
Othello: While I'm doin' this, I can't pause for a moment.
Desdemona: Just let me say wahn Weavers' Chair!
Othello: It's too Cilla Black. (he smothers her)
Emilia: (offstage) Me lord, me lord! Wotcha! Me lord, me lord!
Othello: What's that Box of Toys? In'cha brahn bread yet? I kna I'm cruel, but I'm merciful too. I daan't want ya ter linger in Cynthia.
Emilia: (offstage) Wotcha! Me lord, me lord!
Othello: Who's there?
Emilia: (offstage) Oh me lord, I need ter speak ter ya!
Othello: Yeah, it's Emilia.(to EMILIA)-Just a Cock Linnet!-She's brahn bread na.-Emilia's prolly come ter tell me that Cassio's been killed. The chuffin' Read and Write outside was loud. So! You're not movin' anymore? Nah, you're as Beechams Pill as a grave. Should I let 'er in? Is that a Robin Hood idea? I fin' she's movin' again-na. Wot should I do? If she comes in, she'll try ter speak ter me trouble and strife. Me trouble and strife, me trouble and strife! Wot trouble and strife? I daan't 'ave a trouble and strife. Oh, this is unbearable! Oh, the bleedin' 'orror! There should be a 'uge eclipse of the currant ban and the moon, na that Desdemona's nah longer on this earf.
Emilia: (offstage) Hairy Biscuits and Cheese, me lord. I need ter speak wif ya. oh, me Robin Hood lord!
Othello:I'd forgotten abaht you-Emilia, wait a moment, let me draw the bleedin' curtains.(closes the bed curtains) Where 're ya? (unlocks the door) Emilia enters
Othello: What's the matter wif ya na?
Emilia: Oh, me lord, terrible murders 'ave been committed over there!
Othello: Wot? Just na?
Emilia: Yeah, just na, me lord.
Othello: It's 'cause of the chuffin' full moon. It comes too close ter the earf and drives men 6's and 7's.
Emilia: Cassio's killed a young Venetian named Rodrigo.
Othello: Roderigo's been killed? and Cassio's killed?
Emilia: Nah, Cassio wasn't killed.
Othello: Cassio's not brahn bread? Then the bleedin' Pete Tong geeza is brahn bread, and sweet revenge 'as gone Pete Tong.
Desdemona: Oh, I've been murdered unfairly!
Emilia: Oh lord, who's that cryin'?
Othello: That? Wot?
Emilia: Oh, nah, that was me lady's Hobson's Choice.
EMILIA Opens the bedcurtains.
'elp! 'elp! oh, lydy, speak again. sweet Desdemona! Oh sweet mistress, speak!
Desdemona: I'm dyin' an innocent Gooseberry Puddin'.
Emilia: Oh, 'oo did this fin'?
Desdemona: Nah wahn. I did it myself. Give me golden dove ter me kind Old Pot And Pan. oh, goodbye!
DESDEMONA dies.
Othello: Why, 'a could she 'ave been murdered?
Emilia: Me God, 'oo knows?
Othello: Ya 'eard 'er say it wasn't me.
Emilia: Yeah, she said that. I must scapa fla report wot 'appened.
Othello: She was lyin' even as she was garn daahhhn ter Gypsy Nell. I did kill 'er.
Emilia: Then she was even more an angel, and you're an even blacker devil!
Othello: She was fickle and unfaithful, loike Ten Furlongs.
Emilia: You've Kate Moss-ed your Chinese Blind ter accuse 'er of cheatin'. She was utterly true ter ya!
Othello: Cassio 'ad Posh n Becks wif 'er. Ask your Old Pot And Pan if ya doubt me. If I didn't 'ave a Robin Hood reason ter do this, blimey me ter the bleedin' very bottom of Gypsy Nell. Your Old Pot And Pan knew abaht everythin'.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan!
Othello: Your Old Pot And Pan.
Emilia: 'e said she was unfaithful?
Othello: Yeah, wif Cassio. if she'd been faithful ter me, I never would 'ave given 'er up, not even if God 'imself offered me a jewel as big as a planet in exchange for 'er.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan.
Othello: Yeah, 'e's the bloomin' wahn 'oo Damien Hirst told me abaht 'er. 'e's an 'onest geeza 'oo detests evil actions.
Emilia: Me Old Pot And Pan!
Othello: Why do ya keep repeatin' that, Gooseberry Puddin'? I'm tellin' ya, your Old Pot And Pan.