When it Comes It's Always Too Late
It's been an interesting last few days. It seems like since Graham's 21st birthday party on Monday, things have been progressing more and more securely, and without any apparent cause. Is this what it's like to be in your 20s? Heh.
I met a boy on Monday who I hit it off with wonderfully. His name is John, and he's an English major at Rhode Island College (read: smart). He's also good looking and incredibly sweet. And once you actually get him talking, he's rather funny and insightful at the same time. He's got an incredibly abstract way of thinking (something I find incredibly sexy) and we really hit it off well. He's a bit younger than I am, at 19, though you wouldn't know it, given his miraculous maturity level. (That's not to say that a three year difference in age is very big; I know lots of couples who are nearly 10 years apart, and somehow it works for them.)
We've been hanging out steadily since Monday, and I really enjoy being around him. Sometimes I wish we had more to talk about, but it's only been three days. so I shouldn't jump to criticism just yet. The fact is actually that we have a plethora of potential conversation topics (the entire reason I even talked to him was because he was wearing a Siouxsie and the Banshees shirt at a gay bar - one that wasn't hosting a goth night!) We even have matching Siouxsie ring tones (something that was true even before we met.)
Jolly as this all sounds, my natural reservations have managed to kick in. I like him, make no mistake, but I'm always cautious when it comes to this sort of thing. I'm staunchly against making things official until it's positively pointless ad inhibiting not to. I like things to flow and evolve on their own, without shoves from "official" declarations which only serve to complicate the situation and make things seem more claustrophobic.
Am I making any sense?
One of my biggest fears is that my avoidance of making official declarations of exclusivity comes off as standoffish and doubtful. Even if I have no doubt that it's what I want, I may still be hesitant to state as much, just because of the level of pressure it adds; the obligation, the expectations. I suppose that's all part of these crazy things called "relationships", and I suppose that I shouldn't even consider one if I'm not ready to face those kinds of obligations and expectations. One might say that is what separates people from being "ready" for a relationship and those who are not. I suppose then, that this would place me in the former category. Suffice it to say that I'm alright with this, actually, as the issue doesn't necessarily reflect that I'm not ready for a relationship of any sort, but more than I'm not sure that I'm ready for this relationship in particular.
That, and of course the fact that I've known him three days.
But we've covered a lot of ground in three days, believe you-me. It seems that the idea of "dating" each other officially hangs in the air, and the subject will be breached soon. This is one instance where I'm actually grateful for his shyness, because I won't have to worry about him bringing it up.
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not.
Anyway, I've got a lot of sort out, I imagine.
I met a boy on Monday who I hit it off with wonderfully. His name is John, and he's an English major at Rhode Island College (read: smart). He's also good looking and incredibly sweet. And once you actually get him talking, he's rather funny and insightful at the same time. He's got an incredibly abstract way of thinking (something I find incredibly sexy) and we really hit it off well. He's a bit younger than I am, at 19, though you wouldn't know it, given his miraculous maturity level. (That's not to say that a three year difference in age is very big; I know lots of couples who are nearly 10 years apart, and somehow it works for them.)
We've been hanging out steadily since Monday, and I really enjoy being around him. Sometimes I wish we had more to talk about, but it's only been three days. so I shouldn't jump to criticism just yet. The fact is actually that we have a plethora of potential conversation topics (the entire reason I even talked to him was because he was wearing a Siouxsie and the Banshees shirt at a gay bar - one that wasn't hosting a goth night!) We even have matching Siouxsie ring tones (something that was true even before we met.)
Jolly as this all sounds, my natural reservations have managed to kick in. I like him, make no mistake, but I'm always cautious when it comes to this sort of thing. I'm staunchly against making things official until it's positively pointless ad inhibiting not to. I like things to flow and evolve on their own, without shoves from "official" declarations which only serve to complicate the situation and make things seem more claustrophobic.
Am I making any sense?
One of my biggest fears is that my avoidance of making official declarations of exclusivity comes off as standoffish and doubtful. Even if I have no doubt that it's what I want, I may still be hesitant to state as much, just because of the level of pressure it adds; the obligation, the expectations. I suppose that's all part of these crazy things called "relationships", and I suppose that I shouldn't even consider one if I'm not ready to face those kinds of obligations and expectations. One might say that is what separates people from being "ready" for a relationship and those who are not. I suppose then, that this would place me in the former category. Suffice it to say that I'm alright with this, actually, as the issue doesn't necessarily reflect that I'm not ready for a relationship of any sort, but more than I'm not sure that I'm ready for this relationship in particular.
That, and of course the fact that I've known him three days.
But we've covered a lot of ground in three days, believe you-me. It seems that the idea of "dating" each other officially hangs in the air, and the subject will be breached soon. This is one instance where I'm actually grateful for his shyness, because I won't have to worry about him bringing it up.
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not.
Anyway, I've got a lot of sort out, I imagine.