That Sunday feeling
Back in 2000, I wrote this in an email to a friend somewhat wiser than I about Tantric things...
... One of the most intense dreams Ive ever had. In it, a large woman (I could
say she was a giantess, she was perhaps 7 feet tall, and as strong as me,
if not stronger) held me down while performing oral sex on me.. The
experience, in the dream, was far more intense than anything Ive ever had
in reality - even in the dream at times I felt that I could only just cope
with where the feelings were taking me (in part because I didnt entirely
trust her).. It ended with a feeling building in me that I can only
describe as fire - a burning hot wave rolling up my body, then down my
arms to my fingertips, up my neck to the top of my head, etc..
When I woke up, I could still feel it, and indeed I carried that surging
energy around with me for most of that day, as it slowly ebbed away.
I had been extremely stressed, but that was entirely gone.
Compared to this dream, any sexual experience Ive had before seems like a
mere release of frustration, rather than the ecstacy this dream experience
produced. In fact, the feeling is far closer to the peaks of ecstacy that
I have attained on occasion during shamanic work, than to anything
physical.
That experience was what triggered my active interest in Tantra. My friend said that even though it was in a dream, it was indeed a Tantric initiation, a kundalini awakening. She warned me of the risks of 'kundalini sickness', gave me some advice to focus on strengthening myself in all aspects of my being, and to explore gently.
At the time I didn't have a partner I could explore Tantra with. Later, I did, and I did experience something which might have been a faint echo of my dream. I did feel that dragon-energy, that fire, rise within me, but never to reach the top of the inner-tree, and explode through me like it did in the dream. That experience became a marker of what I could attain, rather than something I expected to repeat in reality any time soon.
If anything did happen, I also expected it to happen when I was at my strongest, most together, focussing on breathing, working tantrically, shifting consciousness, ... not when I was stressed, tired, a little drunk, not focussing on anything, and just having damn good sex.
But, it did happen last Saturday. And Ohmigod, did it happen. I can't honestly say I knew what was happening at first. I was full of fire, everywhere. I felt the dragon surge inside me. I have no words for it, truly. I felt disoriented, and I know ruine_ worried about me. I couldn't figure out why she kept offering me water, asking me if I was OK, at the time. I just knew I felt great. Better than I ever had.
The fire subsided into a glow. That glow was still there in the morning. And for the rest of the day.
The next morning, It was gone.. But I felt that warm, snuggly, I've just cum feeling.. Some 30 hours after the event.
Wow.
I need to find someone to discuss this with, who has experienced it. If only to convince myself it really happened, and to find out how to experience it again! My wise friend may still be accessible.. if not, I'm sure the right person for me to discuss with will show up one way or another.