Integrity
At work, around this time last year and earlier, I was stressed enough to need to take a couple of months off work sick. There was more than one issue that brought me to that space, but the main one related to one of the company directors. He was "throwing blame around" - and a lot of it at me. In particularly, he was using the platform of the company briefings to, as I saw it, criticise me personally.
A year on, that's no longer happening - and when I recently felt that it did, I got the man responsible on the other end of a phone call, and explained to him how his words had been perceived, and how it had affected myself and my team. He listened. He explained what he'd been trying to convey. We discussed his issues and how I could help him with them, and my issues, and how he could help me with them. He kept every promise he made on that call.
I think I understand him better. I still think he's a terrible people-manager, he attacks and demotivates people when things are going badly -- but he always says things as he sees them, he's prepared to admit and explain mistakes, and he's prepared to keep promises and do what he thinks is right.
Don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't want to work directly under him - I think people-skills are important in a boss -- but other events have just focussed me on integrity, and how important that is too.
One of the other directors has been making his presence felt much more in my working life in this last year. He's friendly, easy to get along with, visits my office, takes everyone out for drinks and food, sends us money to go out with at Xmas -- generally first impressions are that he's a good guy to work with. However, other things have happened too.. requests have disappeared, certain questions when asked are not answered -- and more recently, when I've asked this director direct questions about these things, he's lied to me about them.
I could pin down a long thing of specific thing's he's done; and he could probably justify each one independantly. But when you put them all together, it forms a pattern of management by "smiling face and dagger behind the back". Direct lies I find hard to forgive.
Looking back over my last few years, and indeed previous employment at other companies, what I find hardest to deal with are value clashes -- where a value I hold important and dear to me is not valued by others. Particularly if someone else claims to hold a value as well, but clearly and repeatedly fails to act on that value.
The key here, for me, is "integrity in the moment of choice": given a difficult decision to make, are you true to your principles, do you act from them? Or do you take the cop-out choice, the easy choice, the "me first" choice?
What is integrity anyway? To me, someone with integrity has questioned themselves, has identified what their values and principles are, and uses those as a guide to the daily choices they make. Someone with integrity can make and keep committments, and won't make committments they can't or won't keep.
Integrity is balanced by maturity -- maturity allows you to temper the courage of your convictions, with the compassion for others that allows to to express them with consideration. An immature person can't find that balance, and either allows conviction to ride rough-shod over others' feelings; or allows compassion to sway them from what they hold dear.
What I'm discovering is that I need both in someone I work for. Right now, I don't have that. Neither do I have the energy to fight and change. I need to work for someone who shares my values. It's time to move on.
A year on, that's no longer happening - and when I recently felt that it did, I got the man responsible on the other end of a phone call, and explained to him how his words had been perceived, and how it had affected myself and my team. He listened. He explained what he'd been trying to convey. We discussed his issues and how I could help him with them, and my issues, and how he could help me with them. He kept every promise he made on that call.
I think I understand him better. I still think he's a terrible people-manager, he attacks and demotivates people when things are going badly -- but he always says things as he sees them, he's prepared to admit and explain mistakes, and he's prepared to keep promises and do what he thinks is right.
Don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't want to work directly under him - I think people-skills are important in a boss -- but other events have just focussed me on integrity, and how important that is too.
One of the other directors has been making his presence felt much more in my working life in this last year. He's friendly, easy to get along with, visits my office, takes everyone out for drinks and food, sends us money to go out with at Xmas -- generally first impressions are that he's a good guy to work with. However, other things have happened too.. requests have disappeared, certain questions when asked are not answered -- and more recently, when I've asked this director direct questions about these things, he's lied to me about them.
I could pin down a long thing of specific thing's he's done; and he could probably justify each one independantly. But when you put them all together, it forms a pattern of management by "smiling face and dagger behind the back". Direct lies I find hard to forgive.
Looking back over my last few years, and indeed previous employment at other companies, what I find hardest to deal with are value clashes -- where a value I hold important and dear to me is not valued by others. Particularly if someone else claims to hold a value as well, but clearly and repeatedly fails to act on that value.
The key here, for me, is "integrity in the moment of choice": given a difficult decision to make, are you true to your principles, do you act from them? Or do you take the cop-out choice, the easy choice, the "me first" choice?
What is integrity anyway? To me, someone with integrity has questioned themselves, has identified what their values and principles are, and uses those as a guide to the daily choices they make. Someone with integrity can make and keep committments, and won't make committments they can't or won't keep.
Integrity is balanced by maturity -- maturity allows you to temper the courage of your convictions, with the compassion for others that allows to to express them with consideration. An immature person can't find that balance, and either allows conviction to ride rough-shod over others' feelings; or allows compassion to sway them from what they hold dear.
What I'm discovering is that I need both in someone I work for. Right now, I don't have that. Neither do I have the energy to fight and change. I need to work for someone who shares my values. It's time to move on.