That little thing you fasten round your neck...
I briefly mentioned in my first entry that I'd thought for a long time that I would never collar anyone, but I find that I have. There are other things I want to write about, but I can't get past this until I've written more.
I'd never been happy being called Master. To me, that implies the other party is my slave, and I place such a high value on freedom that I never wanted that. I even grumble when called Sir, because usually it comes from social convention, from what is expected, rather than some deeply held feeling.
But one moment, where we were both very deeply engaged in what we were doing together, my submissive called me Master. And, it felt right. For the first time, ever, I felt I truly held someone so completely that Master was no longer just a word, but a genuine expression of feeling.
Even months on, with our connection even deeper, she doesn't call me Master unless it arises from deep down, expresses that complete surrender she is feeling in that moment. And every time I hear it, I feel complete.
This was supposed to be about collars. But that is where it started, with my acceptance of her calling me Master, even though she submitted to me only when she chose to.
Then, two things happened. Firstly, the two of us were out, in a gay club, just talking at the bar, talking about polyamory, relationships, etc. She said something that made me think, and realise that I wasn't giving her as much as I wanted to. My feelings for her were much stronger than I was acting on, and it no longer felt right to hold back and not give her more. Secondly, I was reading a friend's weblog (hi, telynor), and from that, I came to understand how much telynor desired to be owned - what it meant to her. I asked my submissive, did she want to be owned? I expected to hear "no". But I didn't.
I told her then that I would think about whether that was possible, but that currently I didn't feel it was. She knew how I felt about freedom, and said she understood that it wasn't likely to happen.
I realised that a collar was a symbol to other people, as well as to us. Otherwise, why wear something others will recognize? So, I wanted to know what others would think it meant - and in the process, refine my thinking on what I thought a collar meant.
Here are some of the thoughts others gave me, the ones that made sense enough to note down, at least. Some of these thoughts are cynical observations of others, some of them are personal impression, it should be obvious which are which:
--- A collar stands for Commitment, Ownership, Training, Honour, Trust, Protection, and Faith.
These days, people have all sorts of different levels of collars, which are often intended to do no more than equalize the ego of the Dom with other Dom's who have collared their subs.
Collars now seem to be statements of intent, rather than something earned.
A true collar is something earned: a symbol of committment and ownership.
The meaning of a collar is only between the two people it connects. It's personal, and you can never truly know what someone else's collar means.
A collar says "TAKEN", in the D/s world.
A collar is a symbol of love, respect and trust. A bond of committment and ownership.
A collar means different things to different people. Each unique relationship defines it in their own way. It truly doesn't matter if anyone else understands their particular significance as long as the two involved mutualy agree and understand it.
A collar symbolizes not only ownership, commitment, love and devotion, but embodies the qualities of honour, respect and trust. There is no honour, no commitment as many participate in what is often refered to as the "Collar of the Month Club."
A collar is about ownership. When I am owned, I give someone the right to make decisions for me, and to punish me. ---
Then I thought what it would mean to me, if I could accept it.
I wanted it to be something earned, rather than intent. I wanted it to represent trust, protection, comittment, love. I wanted it to be a symbol of the still-growing depth of our relationship. I wanted it to represent her submission to be, but not kill that free spirit I value so highly.
I found a way I could do that. I told her that I was willing to own her, that above the relationship we already had, I wanted her to promise that I would always have the last word - that she could refuse my requests, but should I "put my foot down", insist that she obey, that she would. She agreed, without condition. Once she had given that to me, in return I promised that I would only ever insist on her obedience in this way to protect her, I would never take that obedience for myself. At other times, I will continue to earn her submission, to bring it out from her, but not to compel it or demand it. To take nothing from her, only to give.. and accept.
In this way I can own her, hold her so very tightly, and yet allow her to be free. And in that, I feel complete.
I cannot even find the words for how owning her makes me feel now - the emotions are too intense, too deep. I am proud of her, so very deeply proud. And she's mine.
I'd never been happy being called Master. To me, that implies the other party is my slave, and I place such a high value on freedom that I never wanted that. I even grumble when called Sir, because usually it comes from social convention, from what is expected, rather than some deeply held feeling.
But one moment, where we were both very deeply engaged in what we were doing together, my submissive called me Master. And, it felt right. For the first time, ever, I felt I truly held someone so completely that Master was no longer just a word, but a genuine expression of feeling.
Even months on, with our connection even deeper, she doesn't call me Master unless it arises from deep down, expresses that complete surrender she is feeling in that moment. And every time I hear it, I feel complete.
This was supposed to be about collars. But that is where it started, with my acceptance of her calling me Master, even though she submitted to me only when she chose to.
Then, two things happened. Firstly, the two of us were out, in a gay club, just talking at the bar, talking about polyamory, relationships, etc. She said something that made me think, and realise that I wasn't giving her as much as I wanted to. My feelings for her were much stronger than I was acting on, and it no longer felt right to hold back and not give her more. Secondly, I was reading a friend's weblog (hi, telynor), and from that, I came to understand how much telynor desired to be owned - what it meant to her. I asked my submissive, did she want to be owned? I expected to hear "no". But I didn't.
I told her then that I would think about whether that was possible, but that currently I didn't feel it was. She knew how I felt about freedom, and said she understood that it wasn't likely to happen.
I realised that a collar was a symbol to other people, as well as to us. Otherwise, why wear something others will recognize? So, I wanted to know what others would think it meant - and in the process, refine my thinking on what I thought a collar meant.
Here are some of the thoughts others gave me, the ones that made sense enough to note down, at least. Some of these thoughts are cynical observations of others, some of them are personal impression, it should be obvious which are which:
--- A collar stands for Commitment, Ownership, Training, Honour, Trust, Protection, and Faith.
These days, people have all sorts of different levels of collars, which are often intended to do no more than equalize the ego of the Dom with other Dom's who have collared their subs.
Collars now seem to be statements of intent, rather than something earned.
A true collar is something earned: a symbol of committment and ownership.
The meaning of a collar is only between the two people it connects. It's personal, and you can never truly know what someone else's collar means.
A collar says "TAKEN", in the D/s world.
A collar is a symbol of love, respect and trust. A bond of committment and ownership.
A collar means different things to different people. Each unique relationship defines it in their own way. It truly doesn't matter if anyone else understands their particular significance as long as the two involved mutualy agree and understand it.
A collar symbolizes not only ownership, commitment, love and devotion, but embodies the qualities of honour, respect and trust. There is no honour, no commitment as many participate in what is often refered to as the "Collar of the Month Club."
A collar is about ownership. When I am owned, I give someone the right to make decisions for me, and to punish me. ---
Then I thought what it would mean to me, if I could accept it.
I wanted it to be something earned, rather than intent. I wanted it to represent trust, protection, comittment, love. I wanted it to be a symbol of the still-growing depth of our relationship. I wanted it to represent her submission to be, but not kill that free spirit I value so highly.
I found a way I could do that. I told her that I was willing to own her, that above the relationship we already had, I wanted her to promise that I would always have the last word - that she could refuse my requests, but should I "put my foot down", insist that she obey, that she would. She agreed, without condition. Once she had given that to me, in return I promised that I would only ever insist on her obedience in this way to protect her, I would never take that obedience for myself. At other times, I will continue to earn her submission, to bring it out from her, but not to compel it or demand it. To take nothing from her, only to give.. and accept.
In this way I can own her, hold her so very tightly, and yet allow her to be free. And in that, I feel complete.
I cannot even find the words for how owning her makes me feel now - the emotions are too intense, too deep. I am proud of her, so very deeply proud. And she's mine.