Love
So I was in the shower thinking about how drastically my life has changed in the past month, and what, if anything I am missing. I still have a great friend in Tony, and I love him as such. I did give up a ring (replacable), but also gave up planning every girl's dream, my wedding. Honestly, I'm thankful for the huge stress release that happened when the wedding was no longer an issue, but I'm disappointed in losing this. Now that it's not "on", I keep thinking of all the easier, cheaper ways that I could do next time to avoid the stress and cost. But inside I know I always wanted that wedding, even with Jake we wanted to do something big on an anniversary because I missed out... and now I have this beautiful dress and no wear date in sight. Sigh...
Beyond that though I'm happy as can be, surprisingly, and I know questions will come up about my feelings and if it's genuine, and what I'm really after, but I'm not worried about it. I know why I am where I am. Now for the truths, some hard, but all very real. Tony was more attractive in his way, and healthy/fit, and somewhat more enjoyable in bed because of this. But I can't be with someone for the rest of my life based on something so part-time. Some may think I'm with Corey now because he makes more money, is more capable of caring for me, but that isn't true either. Yes, he does make more, but he has his own list of things he has to pay for while Tony was more than capable of coming here and only sharing my expenses. Money not tied down is in fact more money...
So why go against the grain, lose things I feel I've been waiting my entire life for to start over again? Because of Love. Corey is my best friend and he knows me almost as well as I know myself; although sometimes he thinks he knows me better. ;) I don't have to tell him if I'm down, he knows before I say a word. When I talk to him on the phone he knows if something is bothering me, and even on the internet it's like he has some inside connection. *I suddenly feel the need to check my house for cameras... :P* When I'm tired but can't seem to find sleep, I talk to him and I relax so much that suddenly I'm fighting to stay awake. When I see him I'm drawn to be near him, and when he touches me I can feel my body relax. Just being near him, hearing him breath, satisfies so many of my needs that it is unreal. He is a man's man, not afraid to stand up for anything, and definitely willing to tell me how it is even if he knows it will upset me. Yet at the same time he is so in tune, not only with my feelings, but also with his own. He is a great dad, and willing to be that for my children, knowing the strain that it will initially put on his own relationship with his daughter.
How could I miss so much, how could I choose what seemed like the better path just because of some minor difficulties. I wonder if I ever really stopped loving him way back, and the answer is no. I burried so much to make my life livable, to do what I had to do. I long for happiness, true love, and a satisfying life... and suddenly the details, that I concentrated so hard on before to find happiness, seem unimportant as long as we have each other. Wow, thank you love, what a great time for the Halmark holiday of Love.
Beyond that though I'm happy as can be, surprisingly, and I know questions will come up about my feelings and if it's genuine, and what I'm really after, but I'm not worried about it. I know why I am where I am. Now for the truths, some hard, but all very real. Tony was more attractive in his way, and healthy/fit, and somewhat more enjoyable in bed because of this. But I can't be with someone for the rest of my life based on something so part-time. Some may think I'm with Corey now because he makes more money, is more capable of caring for me, but that isn't true either. Yes, he does make more, but he has his own list of things he has to pay for while Tony was more than capable of coming here and only sharing my expenses. Money not tied down is in fact more money...
So why go against the grain, lose things I feel I've been waiting my entire life for to start over again? Because of Love. Corey is my best friend and he knows me almost as well as I know myself; although sometimes he thinks he knows me better. ;) I don't have to tell him if I'm down, he knows before I say a word. When I talk to him on the phone he knows if something is bothering me, and even on the internet it's like he has some inside connection. *I suddenly feel the need to check my house for cameras... :P* When I'm tired but can't seem to find sleep, I talk to him and I relax so much that suddenly I'm fighting to stay awake. When I see him I'm drawn to be near him, and when he touches me I can feel my body relax. Just being near him, hearing him breath, satisfies so many of my needs that it is unreal. He is a man's man, not afraid to stand up for anything, and definitely willing to tell me how it is even if he knows it will upset me. Yet at the same time he is so in tune, not only with my feelings, but also with his own. He is a great dad, and willing to be that for my children, knowing the strain that it will initially put on his own relationship with his daughter.
How could I miss so much, how could I choose what seemed like the better path just because of some minor difficulties. I wonder if I ever really stopped loving him way back, and the answer is no. I burried so much to make my life livable, to do what I had to do. I long for happiness, true love, and a satisfying life... and suddenly the details, that I concentrated so hard on before to find happiness, seem unimportant as long as we have each other. Wow, thank you love, what a great time for the Halmark holiday of Love.