(no subject)
Things have been going up and down. Slowly feeling better, slowly managing to stay standing. I'm more resigned now. The initial shock of complete and total rejection has started to fade. A quiet bitterness has started to sink in. It's a bittersweet feeling, this.
I love him, this much I know. I love him and forgive him. I wish he'd let me be a part of his life still, and while I'm pretty sure this absence isn't forever, it still hurts like hell. I'm willing to be strong though. I refuse to abandon him...I'm not weak. But I guess for right now, he wants me to let him go. Letting pieces of him go is like tearing myself in half, watching my own dust scatter into the wind. I love him and if he needs to be free, then free he shall be.
I'm just sad is all. I'm so used to taking care of him and talking to him and seeing him everyday that it's still difficult to not even have a sliver of that normalcy anymore. But I'm willing to be strong for this, for him, for myself.
It comes and it goes. Quiet hatred is bubbling up but it's not for him as I wish it were; it's for myself, for the situation.
A now ex-friend told me this was all my fault the other night. I hate myself because I know on some level, it is.
I love him, this much I know. I love him and forgive him. I wish he'd let me be a part of his life still, and while I'm pretty sure this absence isn't forever, it still hurts like hell. I'm willing to be strong though. I refuse to abandon him...I'm not weak. But I guess for right now, he wants me to let him go. Letting pieces of him go is like tearing myself in half, watching my own dust scatter into the wind. I love him and if he needs to be free, then free he shall be.
I'm just sad is all. I'm so used to taking care of him and talking to him and seeing him everyday that it's still difficult to not even have a sliver of that normalcy anymore. But I'm willing to be strong for this, for him, for myself.
It comes and it goes. Quiet hatred is bubbling up but it's not for him as I wish it were; it's for myself, for the situation.
A now ex-friend told me this was all my fault the other night. I hate myself because I know on some level, it is.