Writer's Block: Priorities
Well, that's a toughie... The man I love, the man I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, acutally has to have a few qualities, so it's really hard for me to choose the most important quality.
The most imporant one, the one that comes mind right away, is MUTIAL RESPECT. He has to respect me, my beliefs, and my thoughts and opinions. Not talk down to me, not push me around. Of course, I would respect him, too, as I do with everyone, but more so because he would be the most important person in my life.
The second quality: COMMON INTERESTS. If you can't hang out with the guy, why even bother dating him?
The third quality: DIFFERENCES. If you guys do the same thing at the same time all the time, you'll drive each other nuts. You have to have something different to about each of you besides gender. It allows you "me time" and even a chance to share a new interest with your beloved if the time comes when they want to try something new.
The fourth quality: PATIENCE. It's for when you and your partner are engaged in something that one of you doesn't fare well in, and you have to accomplish the task, you must show patience towards your partner and at the same time never assume that they are ever going to enjoy the task.
The fifth quality: TOLERANCE. You must be tolerate, or able to accept, each other's odd qualities, habits, quirks, etc... For example, (....) The quirky things that really don't matter in the long run you have to learn to tolerate, no matter how much you thought you had in common, these little things will bother you if you let them.
The sixth quality: COMPASSION. Compassion is defined by NinjaWords.com as "deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it." Feelings of love/compassion for your partner in that, you are willing to "suffer" for them. If you're willing to trade places with them in a torture situation, do their laundry, take a bullet to the chest, or file their taxes, etc.
The seventh qaulity: RESPONSIBLITY, where you would accept responsibility for you and the other person and your commitment to each other, and no matter what trial or tribulation occurs you will maintain your commitment to each other because you voluntarly accepted the responsibity. This means taking responsiblity with all of rewards and consequences for all behaviors of both parties, including fidelity and trustworthiness.
The eighth quality: SENSE OF HUMOR. He has to laugh with me, at me, make me laugh, and be able to understand the abstract humor of my father which I've grown up with all of my life. :) It's also been proven that couples have a similar sense of humor and make each other laugh actually last longer than those who do not. 1
The ninth quality: AFFECTIONATE. If my man won't hold my hand in public or tell me that he loves me (if he does -- I don't want him saying it if he doesn't actually feel that way about me), won't kiss me in front of people or cuddle me, I don't want him. I'm a physically affectionate person2 and when my man robs me of the purest pleasure of a sweet kiss or a both-arms-wrapped-around-me hug, I don't want to be with him. When there is no contact, no matter how small or large, it just makes me feel ignored and unwanted, just a nobody -- "I don't exist, I shouldn't even be here right now, etc..." My boyfriend, however, knows that I need lots and lots of cuddling, hand-holding, and tender kisses to keep me happy. :) Affection is given and needed in different forms for different people, as shown in the book "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman3, such as words of encouragement and love, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time. What ever way you need your affection, that's how your honey should be able to convey to you, even if that person "speaks a different language."
As side note: I can compromise with my man. Say he doesn't like PDA. You already know I do. If he can learn to hold my hand when we're walking, I can learn to not be all over in front of his friends. If he can give me a short little kiss or a hug at the book store, I can learn to give him his space by going our seperate ways. If he can put his arm around me while we're watching a movie, I can learn not to give passionate kisses during the previews.
You see what I'm getting at? We each give up a little something for each other so that we can make each other happy.
And now I give present to you the TENTH Bonus Quality: THE ABILITY TO COMPROMISE. From hubpages.com, "Knowing how to compromise is a key component to a healthy and relationship of any type that you hope will last a long time or perhaps a lifetime. Without the willingness and ability to compromise, your work, friendship and committed relationships can be at risk for failure."4
Well, I think that's covering everything. :)
REFERENCES:
1 Marano, Hara Estroff, "The Benefits of Laughter," Psychology Today
2 Love Languages Test, adapted from Gary Chapman's "The Five Languages of Love."
3 Huber, Joyce, What are the Five Languages of Love?
4MaryD, "Compromise in a Relationship71"
OTHER THINGS TO CHECK OUT:
5 Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious, Cosmopolitan, 2008-2009
The most imporant one, the one that comes mind right away, is MUTIAL RESPECT. He has to respect me, my beliefs, and my thoughts and opinions. Not talk down to me, not push me around. Of course, I would respect him, too, as I do with everyone, but more so because he would be the most important person in my life.
The second quality: COMMON INTERESTS. If you can't hang out with the guy, why even bother dating him?
The third quality: DIFFERENCES. If you guys do the same thing at the same time all the time, you'll drive each other nuts. You have to have something different to about each of you besides gender. It allows you "me time" and even a chance to share a new interest with your beloved if the time comes when they want to try something new.
The fourth quality: PATIENCE. It's for when you and your partner are engaged in something that one of you doesn't fare well in, and you have to accomplish the task, you must show patience towards your partner and at the same time never assume that they are ever going to enjoy the task.
The fifth quality: TOLERANCE. You must be tolerate, or able to accept, each other's odd qualities, habits, quirks, etc... For example, (....) The quirky things that really don't matter in the long run you have to learn to tolerate, no matter how much you thought you had in common, these little things will bother you if you let them.
The sixth quality: COMPASSION. Compassion is defined by NinjaWords.com as "deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it." Feelings of love/compassion for your partner in that, you are willing to "suffer" for them. If you're willing to trade places with them in a torture situation, do their laundry, take a bullet to the chest, or file their taxes, etc.
The seventh qaulity: RESPONSIBLITY, where you would accept responsibility for you and the other person and your commitment to each other, and no matter what trial or tribulation occurs you will maintain your commitment to each other because you voluntarly accepted the responsibity. This means taking responsiblity with all of rewards and consequences for all behaviors of both parties, including fidelity and trustworthiness.
The eighth quality: SENSE OF HUMOR. He has to laugh with me, at me, make me laugh, and be able to understand the abstract humor of my father which I've grown up with all of my life. :) It's also been proven that couples have a similar sense of humor and make each other laugh actually last longer than those who do not. 1
The ninth quality: AFFECTIONATE. If my man won't hold my hand in public or tell me that he loves me (if he does -- I don't want him saying it if he doesn't actually feel that way about me), won't kiss me in front of people or cuddle me, I don't want him. I'm a physically affectionate person2 and when my man robs me of the purest pleasure of a sweet kiss or a both-arms-wrapped-around-me hug, I don't want to be with him. When there is no contact, no matter how small or large, it just makes me feel ignored and unwanted, just a nobody -- "I don't exist, I shouldn't even be here right now, etc..." My boyfriend, however, knows that I need lots and lots of cuddling, hand-holding, and tender kisses to keep me happy. :) Affection is given and needed in different forms for different people, as shown in the book "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman3, such as words of encouragement and love, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time. What ever way you need your affection, that's how your honey should be able to convey to you, even if that person "speaks a different language."
As side note: I can compromise with my man. Say he doesn't like PDA. You already know I do. If he can learn to hold my hand when we're walking, I can learn to not be all over in front of his friends. If he can give me a short little kiss or a hug at the book store, I can learn to give him his space by going our seperate ways. If he can put his arm around me while we're watching a movie, I can learn not to give passionate kisses during the previews.
You see what I'm getting at? We each give up a little something for each other so that we can make each other happy.
And now I give present to you the TENTH Bonus Quality: THE ABILITY TO COMPROMISE. From hubpages.com, "Knowing how to compromise is a key component to a healthy and relationship of any type that you hope will last a long time or perhaps a lifetime. Without the willingness and ability to compromise, your work, friendship and committed relationships can be at risk for failure."4
Well, I think that's covering everything. :)
REFERENCES:
1 Marano, Hara Estroff, "The Benefits of Laughter," Psychology Today
2 Love Languages Test, adapted from Gary Chapman's "The Five Languages of Love."
3 Huber, Joyce, What are the Five Languages of Love?
4MaryD, "Compromise in a Relationship71"
OTHER THINGS TO CHECK OUT:
5 Traits a Guy Should Have Before You Get Serious, Cosmopolitan, 2008-2009