yayaya walgreens
i dont know why there was ever a fuss over birthdays.
i have decided there are only a 100 days in the year. so that would make me, what, 67?
we will do away with all the winter months. sorry guys, winter is gross. i suppose that means you were never born!
my birthday is sunday, i hope you are coming to my bash. youll all invited, especially the ones i know cannot feasibly come all the way to chicago! get it, because i dont want you there!
i suppose ill use this time to complain about walgreens.
as your service clerk, dearest customers, i would prefer that you not do any of these things to piss me the fuck off.
here is my little questionnaire.
DO YOU PISS CARLY OFF?
if you qualify as any of these types of people, carly most likely hates you, and you make her job officially the worst thing that has ever happened in her life.
1. THE DOUBLE-BAG IT WHEN ITS NOT NECESSARY PERSON the old people say "double plastic it." i say, FUCK OFF, BITCH. i do not put a lot of items in each bag as to avoid you asking me to double bag your shit. god, this package of socks is so fucking heavy, i better bag it three times over! i mean, i understand POSSIBLY double-bagging a gallon of milk, but thats fucking it. ASSHOLES! the only thing that pisses me off more is when they steal some of my bags without asking me. fuuuuuuck, i didnt triple bag that bag of skittles, you better just reach over and jack as much as you can before i see you!
2. IMMIGRANT THAT SPEAKS LITTLE TO NO ENGLISH PERSON i am ignorant, so what. but if youre living here in america, probably illegally, i would really appreciate it if you decided to abandon the motherland language and pick up a few phrases of english. fucking polaks. and i cant stand when i talk to them, or ask them if they want a bag, and they say yes or smile as if they actually understood what i was saying.
3. THE RETARD. why are people so dumb? combined with number two, this is the ultimate worst. a few weeks ago i had these two fifty-something old ladies come in. we were having a sale where the speedstick and lady speedstick deoderant was free after mail-in rebate. they come to the counter with about 6 deoderants. anyways, i finish ringing them up, and give them their total.
polak 1: free?
me: what?
polak 2: deoderant FREE?
me: oh, after a mail-in rebate, yes.
*silence*
me: your total is $whatev
*pause*
polak 1: free?
4. THE I LIKE TO MAKE SHIT UP PERSON. pretty self explanatory. i have sneaky as fuck old people come in telling me shit is on sale when its not, or that my manager said it was half-price for no reason. re-cockulous.
5. I SMOKE THEREFORE I AM NUTS PERSON. we sell a crapload of cigarettes in one day at walgreens. often we run out of the more popular ones, like marlboro lights. i have had people actually go insane because i didnt have what they wanted. anyways, if you smoke, you most likely piss me the fuck off.
6. FUCK YOU, IM ON WELFARE! hey, the fact that im paying for your fat lazy ass to buy these chocolate bars does not bug me THAT much, but when you come in with that foodstamps card and dont know how to use it...
asshat: how do you do this?
me: you have to use the keypad.
asshat: yeah, i dont know how.
me: you have to enter in your pin number.
asshat: whats that?
me: i dont know what your pin number is..
asshat: why do you work at walgreens if you dont know how to use a link card?
me: why do you HAVE a link card if you dont know how to use it?
asshat: youre a little bitch!
by the grace of an imaginary god, i didnt get fired that day.
well. there you go. im sure i am missing a crapload of things people do that piss me off, but i think ive covered the major bases. HAAAAAAAAAVE A NICE NIGHT!
i have decided there are only a 100 days in the year. so that would make me, what, 67?
we will do away with all the winter months. sorry guys, winter is gross. i suppose that means you were never born!
my birthday is sunday, i hope you are coming to my bash. youll all invited, especially the ones i know cannot feasibly come all the way to chicago! get it, because i dont want you there!
i suppose ill use this time to complain about walgreens.
as your service clerk, dearest customers, i would prefer that you not do any of these things to piss me the fuck off.
here is my little questionnaire.
DO YOU PISS CARLY OFF?
if you qualify as any of these types of people, carly most likely hates you, and you make her job officially the worst thing that has ever happened in her life.
1. THE DOUBLE-BAG IT WHEN ITS NOT NECESSARY PERSON the old people say "double plastic it." i say, FUCK OFF, BITCH. i do not put a lot of items in each bag as to avoid you asking me to double bag your shit. god, this package of socks is so fucking heavy, i better bag it three times over! i mean, i understand POSSIBLY double-bagging a gallon of milk, but thats fucking it. ASSHOLES! the only thing that pisses me off more is when they steal some of my bags without asking me. fuuuuuuck, i didnt triple bag that bag of skittles, you better just reach over and jack as much as you can before i see you!
2. IMMIGRANT THAT SPEAKS LITTLE TO NO ENGLISH PERSON i am ignorant, so what. but if youre living here in america, probably illegally, i would really appreciate it if you decided to abandon the motherland language and pick up a few phrases of english. fucking polaks. and i cant stand when i talk to them, or ask them if they want a bag, and they say yes or smile as if they actually understood what i was saying.
3. THE RETARD. why are people so dumb? combined with number two, this is the ultimate worst. a few weeks ago i had these two fifty-something old ladies come in. we were having a sale where the speedstick and lady speedstick deoderant was free after mail-in rebate. they come to the counter with about 6 deoderants. anyways, i finish ringing them up, and give them their total.
polak 1: free?
me: what?
polak 2: deoderant FREE?
me: oh, after a mail-in rebate, yes.
*silence*
me: your total is $whatev
*pause*
polak 1: free?
4. THE I LIKE TO MAKE SHIT UP PERSON. pretty self explanatory. i have sneaky as fuck old people come in telling me shit is on sale when its not, or that my manager said it was half-price for no reason. re-cockulous.
5. I SMOKE THEREFORE I AM NUTS PERSON. we sell a crapload of cigarettes in one day at walgreens. often we run out of the more popular ones, like marlboro lights. i have had people actually go insane because i didnt have what they wanted. anyways, if you smoke, you most likely piss me the fuck off.
6. FUCK YOU, IM ON WELFARE! hey, the fact that im paying for your fat lazy ass to buy these chocolate bars does not bug me THAT much, but when you come in with that foodstamps card and dont know how to use it...
asshat: how do you do this?
me: you have to use the keypad.
asshat: yeah, i dont know how.
me: you have to enter in your pin number.
asshat: whats that?
me: i dont know what your pin number is..
asshat: why do you work at walgreens if you dont know how to use a link card?
me: why do you HAVE a link card if you dont know how to use it?
asshat: youre a little bitch!
by the grace of an imaginary god, i didnt get fired that day.
well. there you go. im sure i am missing a crapload of things people do that piss me off, but i think ive covered the major bases. HAAAAAAAAAVE A NICE NIGHT!