snowflakes.
I started working again...same place from over the summer as a full-time employee. I couldn't begin to describe how strange it is that I handed in my paperwork for health insurance yesterday morning. I had a fantastic run for the last 3 months. Travel, good friends, amazing experiences, heartbreak, and capoeira. It's what life should be all the time.
I've been thinking recently of taking a step back from capoeira. Just...going MIA for a while. It had gotten to the point where I wasn't enjoying it anymore and in fact caused me quite a deal of misery. I recognize that it was due in part to my break up, but also that I feel spiritually bereft. Lacking something, that driving force. It's an integrated part of my life and certainly has taken me to incredible places in mindy, body, and soul. And like life, there will be the tumbles and the rollercoaster rides through uncertainty and frustration as well as the joy and passion.
And I wondered, could I do it? Could I step back from capoeira long term? And I came to the conclusion that it would be like...suicide. So I am really asking myself--do I want to stop breathing? Do I want to kill myself? It may seem like a radical statement but any true capoeirista could relate to the intensity of the emotions that statement embodies. It goes along with any passion that you dedicate yourself to. It's not that YOU become a part of IT but IT becomes a seamless part of YOU, another little heart that pumps the blood through your veins.
I would miss it. And that's the affirmation I need to keep going. As much as it sucks right now.