Conversations with my thirteen year old self

[tehhilz]

I know I did this once before for a Writer's Block, but I'm listening to the song by P!nk and I really want to do one again for No Shame November.

Dear 13 year old me:

• the scars will go away one day. Ten years later, you will still remember where they are though.
• boys are boys. They are mean in middle school. Don't listen to them right now. Love yourself.
• everyone in mean in middle school. Don't go into that bathroom and puke. Someday you will remember doing it and it will come back to kick you in the heart and the throat, not the ass.
• your best friend just moved away, and I know it is hard. Please wait. Another girl will be coming into your life in the next two years and even though it doesn't seem like it at first, she will be the best thing that ever happened to you.
• trying to push others away with lies isn't going to help you. Someday you will find the ones that you want to tell the truth to, but you aren't going to know how to anymore. It will scare the hell out of you and you will be so broken that you just want to die but they are going to love you no matter what the truth is. You have to remember that.
• relationships come and go. You don't want to become attached because you don't want your heart to get broken, and it will get even more difficult when your parents seperate in the few years, but do it. Fall in love with that girl your freshman year and let her know. Get your heart broken and put it back together. You will get hurt far worse in the future, but at least you won't regret not saying the things you felt. Don't deny love.
• people tell you that you can't do things. Fuck them. Don't let yourself lose interest and prove them wrong!
• you are having a hard time learning Spanish and Japanese seems like a great idea, but people are making fun of you for it and you are a bit confused about grammer and the alphabets. Who cares? Even if you can't speak Spanish and Japanese ends up being a bust, when you find that language you click with and fall in love with, the lessons you learned will help. Remember, English is the hardest language to learn and you did that!
• shapedown class is so much fun! You love the stationary bike and working out to get rid of your emotions, so do that instead of cutting or binging! You already walk in the snow when you are upset; keep doing it. Start running. Sweating is another form of purging emotions, but in a healthy way. Who cares if you think people will judge you for being fat and running. You are trying and you will get there if you keep trying, but if you give up now you will only have yourself to blame.
• music will continue being a huge part of your life. Enjoy it and don't be ashamed.
• keep writing. Even if you feel like you suck, just keep at it. Don't compare yourself to others, because then you will just keep putting yourself down or even worse, give up like I have now. I don't ever write anymore, at 20 and haven't for a while and sometimes I really miss it.
• smoking and drinking make you feel better temporarily. You don't become addicted to either, but you will go through withdrawl from nicotine once and you will find out just how much you mean to two people in your life.