From Something Fishy
If you Really knew me you'd know...
...I don't like the eating disorder, I just am having a hard time disliking it.
...I am unable to see my potential right now but it helps me to hear you when you tell me it's there
...As I'm smiling and laughing, I have voices screaming and degrading me in my head
...When I laughingly say I don't want to grow up, I'm not joking. I really am terrified
...I have no confidence in myself or my abilities
...I would give anything to get out of my head and into my body when I am being intimate with my boyfriend
...Some days I feel like the old me & it feels so liberating
...I'll lie to everybody to keep them from being hurt or from hurting them
...Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I feel like an alien and that I don't belong in this time because my outlook feels so foreign
...I don't like myself right now and I need support, but then when I get that support, I'm scared to let go of it again, scared that I'll lose it
...I hate being needy and yet I long to be taken care of
...Without this mask I don't really know who I am
...I feel guilty about all the pain I feel
...I pray that I will still be able to have children someday
...I don't want you to give up on me
...I don't like the eating disorder, I just am having a hard time disliking it.
...I am unable to see my potential right now but it helps me to hear you when you tell me it's there
...As I'm smiling and laughing, I have voices screaming and degrading me in my head
...When I laughingly say I don't want to grow up, I'm not joking. I really am terrified
...I have no confidence in myself or my abilities
...I would give anything to get out of my head and into my body when I am being intimate with my boyfriend
...Some days I feel like the old me & it feels so liberating
...I'll lie to everybody to keep them from being hurt or from hurting them
...Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I feel like an alien and that I don't belong in this time because my outlook feels so foreign
...I don't like myself right now and I need support, but then when I get that support, I'm scared to let go of it again, scared that I'll lose it
...I hate being needy and yet I long to be taken care of
...Without this mask I don't really know who I am
...I feel guilty about all the pain I feel
...I pray that I will still be able to have children someday
...I don't want you to give up on me