A rant.
Well, I notice that there are few ranting lj posts anymore, so I'd like to add one.
I have about had it with SU. I seriously do not like this place at all.
Starting with the academics. This school has made me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I feel like I can't get anything the teachers are saying. I used to think I was smart, now it's exactly the opposite. And I don't think it has anything to do with difficulty. I mean, I survived Batton's class with good grades, and Durham's. I passed both A.P. tests for those classes. I really don't understand why I'm doing so bad. Mind you, I'm not failing, but I'm not getting all A's either. Also, the classes are so fucking huge, it pisses me off that so much human life can exist in one room at a given time. I hate big classes, they're so inpersonal. Almost all of the teachers don't even remember my name, and I'm afraid to ask questions in class because I hate being with large groups of people. Wor-Wic was so much better...the classes were rarely large, and even when they were I was always remembered by my teachers. And no, hardly any of them knew my mom. The environment was so much friendlier, and I think the campus looks a lot better than SU's. Though maybe that has to do with all the people being at SU.
I used to think that what I did, the waiving of my senior year of high school to go to Wor-Wic, was something to be proud of and showed that I actually managed to accomplish something. I thought that graduating there in a year and moving to a four year college made me special, because you don't hear about that too often. I felt like I was somebody. And now I regret it almost entirely. Graduating a year early has done NOTHING for me. Sure I may be two years ahead of the average person my age, but all that has done is separate me from my friends. If I hadn't waived my senior year, if I hadn't gone to Wor-Wic so early, I could be taking classes with some of you guys. And the friends I have at SU I hardly ever see. Sometimes I get so bad I feel like I don't have any friends.
And I can't make friends here. I'm not outgoing enough, almost all my friends came to me. I don't want to know any of the people here anyway. One of the only things I ever hear anyone talking about is drinking. Or getting wasted the other night at a party. Or sex. Almost all the guys there seem to be a bunch of surfer jock musclehead guys, and almost all the girls I've seen are fucking airheads.
And my job here is a piece of fucking shit. I'm seriously thinking about just quitting, because I'm tired of it. I get 6 dollars an hour to sit on my ass and do nothing. And the dumbass scheduler insists on having me work these 6 hour shifts of sitting on my ass and deal with fucking imbeciles. I'm tired of it. My whole weekend on the 8th and 9th is screwed before it even started.
For some reason, moving to this school has done nothing but hurt me. I feel like I'm not going to make anything of myself. And I get stressed so easily now. I was never stressed about school before, no matter what we had to do. But now I feel like everything is blowing up in my face.
I'm not trying to be emo, and I'm not trying to whine. I don't want to hear anything from anyone saying something like "Well my life is worse", because I'm not comparing my life to anyone's or saying that anyone should feel sorry for me. I am completely down right now and I'm just trying to do something to let everything out instead of keeping it pent up inside me.
I have about had it with SU. I seriously do not like this place at all.
Starting with the academics. This school has made me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I feel like I can't get anything the teachers are saying. I used to think I was smart, now it's exactly the opposite. And I don't think it has anything to do with difficulty. I mean, I survived Batton's class with good grades, and Durham's. I passed both A.P. tests for those classes. I really don't understand why I'm doing so bad. Mind you, I'm not failing, but I'm not getting all A's either. Also, the classes are so fucking huge, it pisses me off that so much human life can exist in one room at a given time. I hate big classes, they're so inpersonal. Almost all of the teachers don't even remember my name, and I'm afraid to ask questions in class because I hate being with large groups of people. Wor-Wic was so much better...the classes were rarely large, and even when they were I was always remembered by my teachers. And no, hardly any of them knew my mom. The environment was so much friendlier, and I think the campus looks a lot better than SU's. Though maybe that has to do with all the people being at SU.
I used to think that what I did, the waiving of my senior year of high school to go to Wor-Wic, was something to be proud of and showed that I actually managed to accomplish something. I thought that graduating there in a year and moving to a four year college made me special, because you don't hear about that too often. I felt like I was somebody. And now I regret it almost entirely. Graduating a year early has done NOTHING for me. Sure I may be two years ahead of the average person my age, but all that has done is separate me from my friends. If I hadn't waived my senior year, if I hadn't gone to Wor-Wic so early, I could be taking classes with some of you guys. And the friends I have at SU I hardly ever see. Sometimes I get so bad I feel like I don't have any friends.
And I can't make friends here. I'm not outgoing enough, almost all my friends came to me. I don't want to know any of the people here anyway. One of the only things I ever hear anyone talking about is drinking. Or getting wasted the other night at a party. Or sex. Almost all the guys there seem to be a bunch of surfer jock musclehead guys, and almost all the girls I've seen are fucking airheads.
And my job here is a piece of fucking shit. I'm seriously thinking about just quitting, because I'm tired of it. I get 6 dollars an hour to sit on my ass and do nothing. And the dumbass scheduler insists on having me work these 6 hour shifts of sitting on my ass and deal with fucking imbeciles. I'm tired of it. My whole weekend on the 8th and 9th is screwed before it even started.
For some reason, moving to this school has done nothing but hurt me. I feel like I'm not going to make anything of myself. And I get stressed so easily now. I was never stressed about school before, no matter what we had to do. But now I feel like everything is blowing up in my face.
I'm not trying to be emo, and I'm not trying to whine. I don't want to hear anything from anyone saying something like "Well my life is worse", because I'm not comparing my life to anyone's or saying that anyone should feel sorry for me. I am completely down right now and I'm just trying to do something to let everything out instead of keeping it pent up inside me.