AURAL SEX JOKES GO HERE

Oct 26, 2010 02:26

HI SO BECAUSE REILI DOESN'T WANT ME TO FINISH WRITING ABOUT TINY FRANK AND TINY CROSSDRESSING GERARD, I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A POST TO COMBAT HER RECENT ONE ABOUT WRITING ON THE BODY AND WHY IT IS HOT.

And then after I finish it they can do battle. In a pit of lions. Which I'm also supposed to be writing about. The lions, not the battling.

I. Yeah. I'm typing really fast and not making much sense so OKAY THIS IS MY POST.



So, if you ever talk to me for more than five minutes, you will probably learn a few things about me.

a) I have the same name as a Harry Potter character

b) I never shut up unless you stop me yourself

c) I have the worst case of voicekink in the history of ever

We're going to focus on C today, through a series of audio clips that will showcase how much of a freak I am and why you should share my pain!

Because this is my journal, we're going to start with a certain shapeshifting genius.

Section 1: PATRICK VAUGHN STUMP

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Highlights include the holy shit glissando (the...glidey thing) at 0:14, oh my god, and the low notes from 0:21-0:24. Just. Later we'll find out that I have the biggest falsetto kink, but low notes, jesus fuck.

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Right now we are going to talk about the section from 3:28 to the end, because seriously. Seriously, Patrick Stump you and your a capella is going to be the death of me.

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I love the final cut with Lil Wayne doing the bridge and all, really, but Patrick's take on it (starting at 2:20) is just. lskdjf PATRICK. I will kick him in the face for his diction all day but the way he says "venting" here does things to me. THINGS, OKAY.

Going back in time to when Patrick was still kind of sort of a baby Patrick,

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This song? The whole thing? Is gorgeous. I could talk about orchestration and musical merit and MANDOLINS and shit but I am supposed to be talking about Patricks and how Patricks does that thing where he harmonizes with himself and lkjsldfkj JUST. THE CHORUS. WHY DOES HE SAY "TIME" LIKE THAT? I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN.

We are not going to talk about Sugar because it is a bad song and it defames Patrick's voice. 'scuse me while I go get crucified by every Fall Out Boy fan who isn't me now. \o/

Section 2: MATTHEW JAMES BELLAMY

Ahahaha you knew this was coming.

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Will I ever give up any chance to talk about this song? No I will not. This was off Muse's first album, which means they all still sound kind of raw and Matt has to breathe a lot, but even when they were just a baby band Matt could hit those NOTES at the chorus (first one's at 1:09). I just. Hi, Matt, have my falsetto babies?

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I would like to direct your attention to the bit from 2:50 to 3:37. That guitar solo there? That's no guitar solo. It's Matt Bellamy's voice, filtered all to hell and sounding SO FUCKING BADASS I CAN'T EVEN TAKE IT.

Why yes, this is going to tangent from "Hot voices for everyone to enjoy!" to "Ginny likes to talk about voices!"

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This entire song is just. Sex. And I would like to direct your attention to Chris doing backup, because Christopher Watsonholmes needs to sing forever. If you watch the HAARP DVD you'll see that he can falsetto up the place pretty well, too.

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You may have noticed that I'm not putting up music videos for any of these. This is because a) Some videos interrupt the music (cough FOB cough) b) Muse does not know how to make good music videos (sorry boys) and c) The point is the musics anyway, so go away.

ANYWAY. THIS SONG. I COULD LISTEN TO IT ALL DAY. AND HAVE FREQUENTLY PUT IT ON LOOP WHILE MAKING PASTA. IT IS MY PASTA SONG. I'm rather fond of the megaphone part (starting at 1:22) but it's the unfiltered verses that make me all *_____* in the face.

This is a good transition to our next performer!

Section 3: ADAM MITCHEL GLAMBERT

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I really wanted to post the performance of him doing this song in like, a white suit, being the hottest drama queen ever, but. Music. Go to 1:33 and listen to that ridiculous high note and try not to swoon, okay.

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And this is the part where I just give you a whole song and flop over out of nnnghngnguhadam.

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CAN WE TALK ABOUT ADAM AND HIS HABIT OF SAMPLING WHIP NOISES IN HIS SONGS. I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

No but seriously I want to have sex with this song. Maybe just to this song, but it wouldn't be quite the same.

Section 4: GABRIEL EDUARDO SAPORTA

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The whole beginning section before the chorus (at 0:50), just. Gabe speaking Spanish! Latin rhythms! GABE'S LITTLE LILTY GLISSY KIND OF TONE DURING THE VERSE HI I'LL BE IN MY BUNK. Yes I am making up words to express my sexual desire. Not my fault.

That's. Pretty much the most obvious one. Anything else I'd have to say about Gabe would just be how good he looks in a suit.

Section 5: WILLIAM EUGENE BECKETT, JR.

...

...The Working Class Hero acoustic cover is kind of pretty? /o\

Section 6: TERRANCE MOTHERFUCKING ZDUNICH

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/flop

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Just. Go to 1:17. That note there? Yeah. I need to go change my panties real quick.

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The fun verses start at 0:28. I just, why don't they bottle this man's voice up and sell it as a sex toy. Alexa isn't sounding all that bad here either. Of course I could just be biased because LEITMOTIIIIIFS but that's another story.

Section 7: BRENDON BOYD URIE

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Why yes, yes I do enjoy the way he says "fuck," why do you ask. But I'm also rather fond of how he says "touch," so I'm not being entirely uncreative here. Also, the falsetto on "harlequin" makes me happy.

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I have adored this song since I was in, what, sixth grade. Just, the whole feel of it, the swinging and the lyrics and HI WHY CAN'T I HAVE SEX WITH THIS SONG. Oh and to keep it on track with VOICESVOICESVOICES, the harmony at 2:40 is sort of my favorite thing.

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This is going here because RYAN'S VOICE ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE I DON'T NEED TO SHOVE A DRUM KEY DOWN HIS THROAT, HALLELUJAH.

Also Brendon's bizarro live voice is sort of darling. And his habit of hitting a bunch of low notes that he doesn't on the record is simultaneously totally weird and totally hot.

Section 8: GERARD ARTHUR WAY

Okay, okay here's the thing. As you may know, I hated MCR a lot before I was forcibly sat down and made to listen to The Black Parade. This was because of both the raging guitars (which I'm getting better with!) and Gerard's voice, which I thought was screamy and obnoxious. It is still pretty screamy and obnoxious, but I have learned to appreciate it more. Especially in the following:

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This is the part where we talk about rolled R's. For me, rolling an R is like the equivalent of like, a pelvic thrust or a body roll for normal people who would rather look at people than listen to them. Here, Gerard has chosen to roll an R that DOES NOT EXIST at 1:21. "Ashes" does not have an R, but he still rolls it. Does that affect how much it makes me squirm? No, no it does not.

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This is basically the only song off Three Cheers that I legit like, and that's mostly for the lyrics. But the little half-whispered section at the very beginning? I. Yeah. *_*

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GERARD? GERARD, "FUCK" IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD IN THE ENTIRE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. WHY IS IT STILL HOT WHEN YOU SAY IT? I DON'T KNOW. (see: 1:31 and 2:07, nnngh fucking garbage okay)

Section 9: MISCELLANEOUS

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Can we talk about how Javert says "chain" at 0:12? Because I. Yeah. Nnnngh.

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Yes, this is a song about masturbation. But more importantly can we just pay attention to how Danny Elfman says "tell me your secrets"? Especially at 1:41, hiiii Danny Elfman I kind of have a crush on you, ahahaha.

...Okay this is the part where it gets creepy so if you are creeped out easily just turn around now.

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...I was going to just find a clip of him talking but I went Youtube searching and HOLY SHIT NO ONE TOLD ME ANTHONY STEWART HEAD COVERED SWEET TRANSVESTITE.

Yes, yes I have a crush on Anthony Stewart Head. Do I care that he's old, no, I want to sleep with his voice, wrinkles are not important.

...Hi I'm going to just sit over here and listen to this a few more times *______*

But yeah, even when he's just pretending to be a stuffy old king or a bat alien that eats children I could just listen to this man talk all day. I am a creep.

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...Yeah, see, this guy was the first voice actor I noticed a lot back when I was still all ~anime~ and stuff, and "oh hey I know this guy's voice" turned into "STEVEN JAY BLUM IS IN THIS SHOW I NEED TO WATCH IT *_____*" So. Yeah. There's not a good clip here of him doing Orochimaru or Zabuza, but at 2:35 it's him doing Vincent Valentine, which is the best example of THE BLUM in the video.

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Oh hey here's his Orochimaru voice! The one that makes me weak in the knees! I am a creepster!

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...Shut up okay, I'm already outing myself as Big Creep On Campus anyway.

SO YEAH, AND THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX UNLESS IT IS PHONESEX.

ahahaha, slush is a creeper, i don't need a kinky sex tag, someone shut me up, so many videos, music is my soul soul

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