Second verse, much less optimistic than the first
It may not look like it, but this is my second entry today. By my rules (I haven't gone to sleep yet).
Shortly after I posted my first, I departed for a...well, I guess you'd call it a date, though it didn't much seem like one. We met at Whetstone, hit the library, however briefly, then took a long walk in and around the park, enjoying the sunshine. We exchanged small talk for a long while, we conversed, we shared our pet peeves, the usual thing. I actually thought it went alright, considering I kept my 'Lion of Awkwardness' almost completely tame for a couple of hours out of the day, which is rare. I hope I came off better than I think I did, though.
Then we went to grab a bite with the meager amounts of cash we had, and hopped over to cup o' joe, where the bagels were sparse, but oh so worth the 95 cents. I guess I still feel rather awkward and unsure of how to act when around other people with her, and I think the lion let loose for a little while there, I tried to get him under control. I also feel kinda wierd since Fiona has already warned me not to get involved with Frank, and it's wierd that I totally disregarded said warning.
Well, Fiona and Susanne went on a cigarrette run, and Frank and I were left to talk about our....sitch. Apparently, not all that much has changed, and, though I was mostly ok with it when it was first expressed to me by Noah, I guess it's getting more and more frustrating. It's been a constant snowball effect involving the gradual massing of virtually everyone's views and emotions regarding the subject. Although Frank and I have had little conversation recently, I suppose I've been soaking up everyone's respective two cents, rolling it like clay with a little bit of relevant news, and then lying down and smashing it against my face for all of two to three months now. I'm simply overanalyzing everything until I don't really have a grip of anything anymore.
The only reason I can put forth is that I'm just getting tired of wishing, and now that the courting process has begun to roll, I'm just a little impatient to actually start things up. I know that it would be selfish to just start things all of a sudden, it's not what she wants and it certainly wouldn't be good for me. I know it's radical and erratic, and I know it's probably irrational to be jumping to what look like conclusions but actually are entrances to black holes of complication and regret.
I'm stressing myself out and I'm making it so that everything looks grim and inadequate. I've now effectively convinced myself, though I was all in all content with my casting for the musical, that I'm humiliating myself by accepting the parts. I'm taking my mostly satisfactory school situation and molding it into what looks more like the disasterous road to a career in Dairy Queen shift management. Plus, I never thought I'd be saying this, but LJ really isn't proving to be an outlet with enough voltage to jolt me back into optimism. At this moment, considerably more than normal, I feel like my brain is squeezed between three car bumpers, each one with the hammer down. At least one of my woes needs to show evidence of conclusion soon, or else I'm seriously not going to be able to deal with all of it anymore. Literally everything that isn't going right right now is pissing the hell out of me. Many of the thoughts that are crossing my mind right now regarding things at school, the musical, and more of the trivial institutions that I've been dealing with lately surely make me sound like a valley girl bitch.(except for the whole dating game (I wouldn't describe that as trivial at all, anyway)).
Get a grip.
I'm done. Closing remarks:
Fiona, I'm sorry I'm not heeding your warnings, I suppose I'm at a point that I just want to try things out for myself right now. I'm also sorry that I'm saying this via livejournal. We can talk in person about it, though. I think I'd like to.
Frank, I don't think you're a livejournal kinda gal, at least I've never seen your page, but don't take my rantings as discouragement. Also, don't feel forced to make any moves just to shut me up. I hope to see you soon so that we can figure it out amongst ourselves.
The Drama Queen sweeps her sceptor across the whole court. She thanks you for attending.
Shortly after I posted my first, I departed for a...well, I guess you'd call it a date, though it didn't much seem like one. We met at Whetstone, hit the library, however briefly, then took a long walk in and around the park, enjoying the sunshine. We exchanged small talk for a long while, we conversed, we shared our pet peeves, the usual thing. I actually thought it went alright, considering I kept my 'Lion of Awkwardness' almost completely tame for a couple of hours out of the day, which is rare. I hope I came off better than I think I did, though.
Then we went to grab a bite with the meager amounts of cash we had, and hopped over to cup o' joe, where the bagels were sparse, but oh so worth the 95 cents. I guess I still feel rather awkward and unsure of how to act when around other people with her, and I think the lion let loose for a little while there, I tried to get him under control. I also feel kinda wierd since Fiona has already warned me not to get involved with Frank, and it's wierd that I totally disregarded said warning.
Well, Fiona and Susanne went on a cigarrette run, and Frank and I were left to talk about our....sitch. Apparently, not all that much has changed, and, though I was mostly ok with it when it was first expressed to me by Noah, I guess it's getting more and more frustrating. It's been a constant snowball effect involving the gradual massing of virtually everyone's views and emotions regarding the subject. Although Frank and I have had little conversation recently, I suppose I've been soaking up everyone's respective two cents, rolling it like clay with a little bit of relevant news, and then lying down and smashing it against my face for all of two to three months now. I'm simply overanalyzing everything until I don't really have a grip of anything anymore.
The only reason I can put forth is that I'm just getting tired of wishing, and now that the courting process has begun to roll, I'm just a little impatient to actually start things up. I know that it would be selfish to just start things all of a sudden, it's not what she wants and it certainly wouldn't be good for me. I know it's radical and erratic, and I know it's probably irrational to be jumping to what look like conclusions but actually are entrances to black holes of complication and regret.
I'm stressing myself out and I'm making it so that everything looks grim and inadequate. I've now effectively convinced myself, though I was all in all content with my casting for the musical, that I'm humiliating myself by accepting the parts. I'm taking my mostly satisfactory school situation and molding it into what looks more like the disasterous road to a career in Dairy Queen shift management. Plus, I never thought I'd be saying this, but LJ really isn't proving to be an outlet with enough voltage to jolt me back into optimism. At this moment, considerably more than normal, I feel like my brain is squeezed between three car bumpers, each one with the hammer down. At least one of my woes needs to show evidence of conclusion soon, or else I'm seriously not going to be able to deal with all of it anymore. Literally everything that isn't going right right now is pissing the hell out of me. Many of the thoughts that are crossing my mind right now regarding things at school, the musical, and more of the trivial institutions that I've been dealing with lately surely make me sound like a valley girl bitch.(except for the whole dating game (I wouldn't describe that as trivial at all, anyway)).
Get a grip.
I'm done. Closing remarks:
Fiona, I'm sorry I'm not heeding your warnings, I suppose I'm at a point that I just want to try things out for myself right now. I'm also sorry that I'm saying this via livejournal. We can talk in person about it, though. I think I'd like to.
Frank, I don't think you're a livejournal kinda gal, at least I've never seen your page, but don't take my rantings as discouragement. Also, don't feel forced to make any moves just to shut me up. I hope to see you soon so that we can figure it out amongst ourselves.
The Drama Queen sweeps her sceptor across the whole court. She thanks you for attending.