Listen, be mad at me for what happened on AIM, if you care anymore I can still tell you what you "did". Now that I think of it, it almost seems like a guilt trip so it's best you don't know it. You can read this and roll your eyes and not care. I love you to the deepest depths of my heart and soul. I'm not about to sit by and let you walk past my life. I'm going to put my arm out and hold you tightly and never let go. I don't want to force anything out of you but please think of everything we've done together, especially when I went to New York for you. And think of the words you've said to me that made me love you even more. You can't tell me you don't feel anything when you think of it still. As i've said many times to myself, I can't believe this happened, especially when I held you in my arms while you cried, I stayed with you and didn't say a word as I held you closer to me. I wanted to make you smile again. I know things got rough a lot but how bad was it when I was there? We got along very well. I don't want to sound full of myself, but there's no one in the world who could love you more than I could. You even managed to make me cry of happiness again, even if we didn't get back together. That's twice, the first time, if you remember, was when you said that I was special to you and talked me out of suicidal thoughts. We've been through a lot, and I don't want things to end because of the rough spots. I know you want your freedom and don't want me or you depressed when you're out all day. I'm not a depressing guy, I used to be but not anymore. Now when I get depressed, I do my best to turn it around and think of the positive things. Sadly I see no positive things in my life without you. Your friends hate me, your family hates me, tons of people hate me. It's probably even for the best if you never love me again. I really strongly believe things would be better. I'd bet my life on that. Remember prom? My pants kept falling down and my tux kept being annoying, Lol. Also remember how I begged you to go behind the water fountain but you said no? And when we were dancing together and I sang to you but forgot some of the words? I was happiest then. I was the happiest guy ever, that was like an escape from my hellhole of a life. I wish I could've done more while I was there, I wish I had gotten money and went there a second time, I wish I hadn't messed up your life with my existance. I feel like crying now but I'm holding back as hard as I can. I remember you told me something like you hated it when I was like this and ended up typing somewhere about how I feel. I'm sorry. The majoriy of this post is a guilt trip isn't it. I just wanted you to remember the best parts of our relationship and to think about them.
I'm really sorry Melissa. I truely am. And I'd apologize everyday for how I am. This should be the final time I post my emotions to you. The rest will prolly be on my LJ.
You can read this and roll your eyes and not care. I love you to the deepest depths of my heart and soul. I'm not about to sit by and let you walk past my life. I'm going to put my arm out and hold you tightly and never let go. I don't want to force anything out of you but please think of everything we've done together, especially when I went to New York for you. And think of the words you've said to me that made me love you even more. You can't tell me you don't feel anything when you think of it still.
As i've said many times to myself, I can't believe this happened, especially when I held you in my arms while you cried, I stayed with you and didn't say a word as I held you closer to me. I wanted to make you smile again.
I know things got rough a lot but how bad was it when I was there? We got along very well. I don't want to sound full of myself, but there's no one in the world who could love you more than I could. You even managed to make me cry of happiness again, even if we didn't get back together. That's twice, the first time, if you remember, was when you said that I was special to you and talked me out of suicidal thoughts. We've been through a lot, and I don't want things to end because of the rough spots. I know you want your freedom and don't want me or you depressed when you're out all day.
I'm not a depressing guy, I used to be but not anymore. Now when I get depressed, I do my best to turn it around and think of the positive things. Sadly I see no positive things in my life without you.
Your friends hate me, your family hates me, tons of people hate me. It's probably even for the best if you never love me again. I really strongly believe things would be better. I'd bet my life on that.
Remember prom? My pants kept falling down and my tux kept being annoying, Lol. Also remember how I begged you to go behind the water fountain but you said no? And when we were dancing together and I sang to you but forgot some of the words? I was happiest then. I was the happiest guy ever, that was like an escape from my hellhole of a life. I wish I could've done more while I was there, I wish I had gotten money and went there a second time, I wish I hadn't messed up your life with my existance.
I feel like crying now but I'm holding back as hard as I can. I remember you told me something like you hated it when I was like this and ended up typing somewhere about how I feel. I'm sorry. The majoriy of this post is a guilt trip isn't it. I just wanted you to remember the best parts of our relationship and to think about them.
I'm really sorry Melissa. I truely am. And I'd apologize everyday for how I am. This should be the final time I post my emotions to you. The rest will prolly be on my LJ.
Again, i'm sorry..
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