Hearts in Disguise / SGA
Title: Hearts in Disguise
Rating: PG
Fandom: SGA
Prompt: You're driving in your car.
Summary: Rodney McKay just wanted to buy a car. (A Transformers AU that I re-wrote a little. :D Slightly cracked, I'm afraid.)
It wasn’t a crush. It wasn’t. Forty-year-old astrophysicists didn’t get crushes, but Rodney could admit that maybe John Sheppard was attractive, and maybe he got a little tongue-tied around him, and maybe he tried a little too hard to impress the guy. Maybe. But that was beside the point, because even if John was interested, Rodney couldn’t take him to dinner or meet him at the movies. Why? Rodney didn’t own a car. As a slave to science, he’d relied on the bus to get him to the labs, and now that Doctor Weir was ordering him to take a vacation (Rodney was supposed to entertain himself for a week), he realized he needed more than just public transport.
And if he had a more time-efficient way to get around town, maybe he could forget all about John Sheppard, who worked right across the street from Rodney’s lab, and who was always perfectly sweaty and smelly when he took a break to make small talk while Rodney waited at the bus stop like an embarrassed teenager. The stop was on the sidewalk, ten feet from the auto garage, and Rodney was fairly sure no self-respectable scientist relied on the county to get from work to home to work again. He was brilliant. He was a genius.
He deserved a damn car.
But despite his high IQ, Rodney wasn’t exactly rich. While he made ends meet easily enough, there was no financial room for-say-a Porsche, so he ended up at a used car lot with an enthusiastic black man and his kick-ass grandma. It took some tough negotiating (and a sonic event that left Rodney's science senses tingling), but he eventually found a vehicle that didn’t make him want to commit buyer’s remorse suicide. The paint job was a little juvenile for his tastes (racing stripes? So 1970s), but four grand was a hard price to resist. All in all, he was pretty happy with it.
Until, at nine that night, it drove away on its own.
He couldn't just let it disappear; four thousand dollars was hard to come by, so he did what any self-respecting man would do: he pursued it.
It wasn’t something you’d see on an action movie, but Rodney wasn’t Chuck Norris or Steven Segal-there were no cool motorcycles or manly cars conveniently waiting on the side of the street. The only means of transport he had at his disposal was Madison’s skateboard and Jeannie’s bike, which (while not exactly a tough choice, since skateboards were death on wheels) were still two very undignified ways to make tracks. Of course, he chose Jeannie’s bike (with the pink handle bars and purple basket, God) over the Dora the Explorer board and began the chase. The chase itself was pretty undignified as well, and after an exhausting ride and a frantic call to the police, Rodney found himself in the junkyard and in two different states of mind. First (and most predominant) was panic, because Rodney had just watched his car transform in a giant robot, and the second was gleeful disbelief, because his car had just transformed into a giant robot. Naturally, the police showed up at the wrong time, and Jeannie had to both reclaim her bike and bail Rodney out once he could prove his system was drug-free.
By that point, Rodney knew there was only one person who could help him: John Sheppard, automobile expert. It wouldn’t earn him any cool points, but Rodney was so low on the scale he doubted it even mattered.
---
John looked surprised to see him, but not repulsed, so Rodney figured it was safe to enter the garage instead having John waltz to the bus stop. “It’s about my car,” Rodney informed him, “and you aren’t allowed to laugh.” John just smiled a little uncertainly and nodded, following Rodney to the parking lot.
Once he saw it, John lit up at the paint job (of course), congratulated him on finally buying one (which involved a slap on the back and some mechanic talk that Rodney couldn’t translate), and a look beneath the hood (a requirement of men everywhere, Rodney supposed).
"Holy crap," John said. "This engine is amazing!"
"Yes, it's very shiny," Rodney impatiently cut in. "Look, there's something-"
That's when the police car rolled into the garage.
It was all very subtle at first, but John's shoulders tensed and no one stepped out of the car once it had stopped. Rodney swallowed.
"Get in," he said, motioning for John to hop into Rodney's Camaro. "Now. C'mon, in, let's go," and just as John, after struggling for a few seconds, slid into the passenger's seat, the police car turned into another giant robot. Rodney felt shockingly calm, even as his heart leapt into his mouth and snuggled onto his tongue.
It was the proverbial cherry on top. His Camaro (Bumblebee, as Rodney later discovered) raced a good race, but Rodney was in no mood to die. It was an uncomfortable experience, really, and he especially regretted having John along for the ride. Not only did John nearly die as well, but after the whole debacle, he was a little wary of having to sit behind the wheel.
“What? Why?” Rodney demanded, having already settled into the passenger’s seat. “It’s not going to bite you.”
“Because he’s driving,” John stressed, obviously referring to the car. “It’d be rude, okay? And excuse me for being a little freaked out by everything that’s happened.”
“I’m just as freaked out as you, but unless you sit in the driver’s seat, the only place left is my lap. Would you please just-"
But John was already moving. He crouched low, did a weird little turning maneuver, and finally found the perfect spot on Rodney’s thighs.
Rodney didn't scream.
But it was a near thing.
---
It was a moot point. Once they met the other Autobots, Ratchet sniffed and mused, "It appears the Doctor wishes to mate with Sheppard," to which Rodney wished Optimus would just squash him with his giant metal foot and be done with it. John turned to look at him with wide eyes, though Rodney couldn't tell whether it was horror from Rodney's inadvertent outing or being in the company of five humongous alien robots who were there to save the world.
Rodney figured it was probably a little bit of both.
---
The next day (or was it the day after that?), he and John rescued Earth. By the time Rodney: was arrested by the goons at Sector 7, rescued by Optimus, nearly fell to his death, watched Bumblebee get captured, re-arrested by Sector 7, taken to Hoover Dam, met the Secretary of Defense, introduced to NBE1, reacquired his car, and nearly died in the streets of Mission City, he wanted some coffee.
But Bumblebee had given him an assignment-save the All-Spark-and Rodney had grown to love that car. He was going to damn well do what it asked, especially now that it was in pieces.
"I'm going to take care of Bumblebee," John said, motioning towards an abandoned tow truck. "You get that All-Spark to its rightful place. You're a soldier now, Rodney."
"John, no, wait, I sucked at sports, there's not a chance in hell I'll make it all the way over there!"
"And then," John said, ignoring Rodney's concerns, "we're going to take a shower, a nap, and start this mating thing off right," and then kissed him-quickly, but with extreme intent-and Rodney suddenly loved Ratchet like never before.
Rodney grabbed the cube, turned, and started to run.
---
In the end, it worked. Rodney couldn't let Optimus die, of course, so he shoved that stupid All-Spark right into Megatron's chest and watched with exhausted satisfaction as the power-hungry freak died on the asphalt.
He did take a shower, later. He ate lunch. He had a nap. The Secretary of Defense felt they even deserved to be debriefed about things, so he, John, and the soldiers were informed on how events were going to play out. Dropping the dead aliens into a life-crushing, sub-zero location was a good idea in Rodney's book, and Jeannie and Kaleb were even interviewed on TV.
"You were great out there," Captain Lorne said to John, just as they were leaving. John shrugged.
"I was military, once," he said, which might have been a shocker three days ago, but was now just a tidbit of information to be stored away and referred to later. Secretary Keller's eyebrows rose.
"Interested in reinstatement?" he asked, and John just looked at Rodney.
"Maybe when you change the rules," John answered, a reply Rodney didn't understand until later that evening, when their lips finally met, the sun setting over the city while Optimus looked out into the world.
FIN.
Rating: PG
Fandom: SGA
Prompt: You're driving in your car.
Summary: Rodney McKay just wanted to buy a car. (A Transformers AU that I re-wrote a little. :D Slightly cracked, I'm afraid.)
It wasn’t a crush. It wasn’t. Forty-year-old astrophysicists didn’t get crushes, but Rodney could admit that maybe John Sheppard was attractive, and maybe he got a little tongue-tied around him, and maybe he tried a little too hard to impress the guy. Maybe. But that was beside the point, because even if John was interested, Rodney couldn’t take him to dinner or meet him at the movies. Why? Rodney didn’t own a car. As a slave to science, he’d relied on the bus to get him to the labs, and now that Doctor Weir was ordering him to take a vacation (Rodney was supposed to entertain himself for a week), he realized he needed more than just public transport.
And if he had a more time-efficient way to get around town, maybe he could forget all about John Sheppard, who worked right across the street from Rodney’s lab, and who was always perfectly sweaty and smelly when he took a break to make small talk while Rodney waited at the bus stop like an embarrassed teenager. The stop was on the sidewalk, ten feet from the auto garage, and Rodney was fairly sure no self-respectable scientist relied on the county to get from work to home to work again. He was brilliant. He was a genius.
He deserved a damn car.
But despite his high IQ, Rodney wasn’t exactly rich. While he made ends meet easily enough, there was no financial room for-say-a Porsche, so he ended up at a used car lot with an enthusiastic black man and his kick-ass grandma. It took some tough negotiating (and a sonic event that left Rodney's science senses tingling), but he eventually found a vehicle that didn’t make him want to commit buyer’s remorse suicide. The paint job was a little juvenile for his tastes (racing stripes? So 1970s), but four grand was a hard price to resist. All in all, he was pretty happy with it.
Until, at nine that night, it drove away on its own.
He couldn't just let it disappear; four thousand dollars was hard to come by, so he did what any self-respecting man would do: he pursued it.
It wasn’t something you’d see on an action movie, but Rodney wasn’t Chuck Norris or Steven Segal-there were no cool motorcycles or manly cars conveniently waiting on the side of the street. The only means of transport he had at his disposal was Madison’s skateboard and Jeannie’s bike, which (while not exactly a tough choice, since skateboards were death on wheels) were still two very undignified ways to make tracks. Of course, he chose Jeannie’s bike (with the pink handle bars and purple basket, God) over the Dora the Explorer board and began the chase. The chase itself was pretty undignified as well, and after an exhausting ride and a frantic call to the police, Rodney found himself in the junkyard and in two different states of mind. First (and most predominant) was panic, because Rodney had just watched his car transform in a giant robot, and the second was gleeful disbelief, because his car had just transformed into a giant robot. Naturally, the police showed up at the wrong time, and Jeannie had to both reclaim her bike and bail Rodney out once he could prove his system was drug-free.
By that point, Rodney knew there was only one person who could help him: John Sheppard, automobile expert. It wouldn’t earn him any cool points, but Rodney was so low on the scale he doubted it even mattered.
---
John looked surprised to see him, but not repulsed, so Rodney figured it was safe to enter the garage instead having John waltz to the bus stop. “It’s about my car,” Rodney informed him, “and you aren’t allowed to laugh.” John just smiled a little uncertainly and nodded, following Rodney to the parking lot.
Once he saw it, John lit up at the paint job (of course), congratulated him on finally buying one (which involved a slap on the back and some mechanic talk that Rodney couldn’t translate), and a look beneath the hood (a requirement of men everywhere, Rodney supposed).
"Holy crap," John said. "This engine is amazing!"
"Yes, it's very shiny," Rodney impatiently cut in. "Look, there's something-"
That's when the police car rolled into the garage.
It was all very subtle at first, but John's shoulders tensed and no one stepped out of the car once it had stopped. Rodney swallowed.
"Get in," he said, motioning for John to hop into Rodney's Camaro. "Now. C'mon, in, let's go," and just as John, after struggling for a few seconds, slid into the passenger's seat, the police car turned into another giant robot. Rodney felt shockingly calm, even as his heart leapt into his mouth and snuggled onto his tongue.
It was the proverbial cherry on top. His Camaro (Bumblebee, as Rodney later discovered) raced a good race, but Rodney was in no mood to die. It was an uncomfortable experience, really, and he especially regretted having John along for the ride. Not only did John nearly die as well, but after the whole debacle, he was a little wary of having to sit behind the wheel.
“What? Why?” Rodney demanded, having already settled into the passenger’s seat. “It’s not going to bite you.”
“Because he’s driving,” John stressed, obviously referring to the car. “It’d be rude, okay? And excuse me for being a little freaked out by everything that’s happened.”
“I’m just as freaked out as you, but unless you sit in the driver’s seat, the only place left is my lap. Would you please just-"
But John was already moving. He crouched low, did a weird little turning maneuver, and finally found the perfect spot on Rodney’s thighs.
Rodney didn't scream.
But it was a near thing.
---
It was a moot point. Once they met the other Autobots, Ratchet sniffed and mused, "It appears the Doctor wishes to mate with Sheppard," to which Rodney wished Optimus would just squash him with his giant metal foot and be done with it. John turned to look at him with wide eyes, though Rodney couldn't tell whether it was horror from Rodney's inadvertent outing or being in the company of five humongous alien robots who were there to save the world.
Rodney figured it was probably a little bit of both.
---
The next day (or was it the day after that?), he and John rescued Earth. By the time Rodney: was arrested by the goons at Sector 7, rescued by Optimus, nearly fell to his death, watched Bumblebee get captured, re-arrested by Sector 7, taken to Hoover Dam, met the Secretary of Defense, introduced to NBE1, reacquired his car, and nearly died in the streets of Mission City, he wanted some coffee.
But Bumblebee had given him an assignment-save the All-Spark-and Rodney had grown to love that car. He was going to damn well do what it asked, especially now that it was in pieces.
"I'm going to take care of Bumblebee," John said, motioning towards an abandoned tow truck. "You get that All-Spark to its rightful place. You're a soldier now, Rodney."
"John, no, wait, I sucked at sports, there's not a chance in hell I'll make it all the way over there!"
"And then," John said, ignoring Rodney's concerns, "we're going to take a shower, a nap, and start this mating thing off right," and then kissed him-quickly, but with extreme intent-and Rodney suddenly loved Ratchet like never before.
Rodney grabbed the cube, turned, and started to run.
---
In the end, it worked. Rodney couldn't let Optimus die, of course, so he shoved that stupid All-Spark right into Megatron's chest and watched with exhausted satisfaction as the power-hungry freak died on the asphalt.
He did take a shower, later. He ate lunch. He had a nap. The Secretary of Defense felt they even deserved to be debriefed about things, so he, John, and the soldiers were informed on how events were going to play out. Dropping the dead aliens into a life-crushing, sub-zero location was a good idea in Rodney's book, and Jeannie and Kaleb were even interviewed on TV.
"You were great out there," Captain Lorne said to John, just as they were leaving. John shrugged.
"I was military, once," he said, which might have been a shocker three days ago, but was now just a tidbit of information to be stored away and referred to later. Secretary Keller's eyebrows rose.
"Interested in reinstatement?" he asked, and John just looked at Rodney.
"Maybe when you change the rules," John answered, a reply Rodney didn't understand until later that evening, when their lips finally met, the sun setting over the city while Optimus looked out into the world.
FIN.