(no subject)
i am so fucking lost anymore. i want to let go, but i cant deny my emotions, i feel what i feel. i want to be a happy person again, but i dont know if i can right now. i dont give a fuck if she reads this, cus i know she will, im not trying to make you feel bad, but its easier to type it here than to talk to you and make you sad with me. i feel like a hypocrite, i tell her to just let go of eric, and i cant let go of her myself. i want to move on, because by me being so depressed because she doesn't love me that way, it hurts here, and that makes me feel even worse. there isnt a thing i wouldnt do for her, i would quit smoking, quit guitar, give up both arms, whatever she asked of me, but i cant move on, which is what i think she wants most. i just want her to be happy, regardless of my emotional wellbeing, yeah, it hurts to know that right now, she is making out with another guy, it hurts to know that she is even cuddling with him, because i want so badly to be that person, and i cant. so yes, it will hurt like hell, it will be one of the worst things i have ever felt, but if it makes her happy, then i will deal with it, she means that much to me. i would rather have her as a friend than as nothing, but dammit, it fucking burns to the core of my soul. why do i get so fucking attached??? why cant i be a normal guy who forgets after a few days, ITS BEEN THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!!! but to deny my emotions is beyond who i am, i refuse to do that, i have done that for so much of my life, and i know that you only end up hurting more as a result. i sick of this shit, i wish i had the lack of feeling to go make out with some other girl right now, but i only want to be with one person, and that is her.