I give up...but in this case, that's actually a good thing.
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love - I guess I have lost.
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!
--"Defying Gravity" from Wicked
Well, in this case, I can say that I've tried to change things in my family. I've tried to reason with them, I've tried to argue with them, I've tried to use "imagine if you were in my position" type examples to prove my point. The fact of the matter is, they're never going to change. Or if they do, it'll take something or someone a lot more powerful and persuasive than me to do the job.
I'm also never going to get them to accept me for who I am, and by extension, I'll never get them to accept anyone with whom I might fall in love and choose to spend my life. They may love me, but it's only in their own limited way, under their conditions, and anything outside of that...well, I've come to accept that I can't expect much from them.
It's heartbreaking. I'm not going to pretend it's not. It hurts more than I can describe here to know that I am less than a full human being to these people who have been such a large part of my world for thirty-six years. To know that my own mother, although she does love me, is still going to be torn between loving me and loyalty to her brother and sisters, and that there are going to be several times that I'm going to end up on the losing end of that battle.
But I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm not going to play the role of dutiful son/nephew/cousin/grandchild, keeping silent through my pain, swallowing my anger, being the good, amicable boy who just smiles through it all and sacrifices his very identity to the cause of Family Unity. I deserve to be loved and accepted on my terms, and if I can't get that from my family, well, there are plenty of other places I can find it.
Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love - I guess I have lost.
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!
--"Defying Gravity" from Wicked
Well, in this case, I can say that I've tried to change things in my family. I've tried to reason with them, I've tried to argue with them, I've tried to use "imagine if you were in my position" type examples to prove my point. The fact of the matter is, they're never going to change. Or if they do, it'll take something or someone a lot more powerful and persuasive than me to do the job.
I'm also never going to get them to accept me for who I am, and by extension, I'll never get them to accept anyone with whom I might fall in love and choose to spend my life. They may love me, but it's only in their own limited way, under their conditions, and anything outside of that...well, I've come to accept that I can't expect much from them.
It's heartbreaking. I'm not going to pretend it's not. It hurts more than I can describe here to know that I am less than a full human being to these people who have been such a large part of my world for thirty-six years. To know that my own mother, although she does love me, is still going to be torn between loving me and loyalty to her brother and sisters, and that there are going to be several times that I'm going to end up on the losing end of that battle.
But I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm not going to play the role of dutiful son/nephew/cousin/grandchild, keeping silent through my pain, swallowing my anger, being the good, amicable boy who just smiles through it all and sacrifices his very identity to the cause of Family Unity. I deserve to be loved and accepted on my terms, and if I can't get that from my family, well, there are plenty of other places I can find it.