desir casse
There is no love greater than that of a true love's first bloom, no feeling sweeter than the feeling that all will be fine because he is there.
It's supposed to last forever. I thought it would last forever. Even though I knew it couldn't, I knew, I believed it would. Because the ego will do such things to protect the pysche.
He was the only one who made me want to improve myself. Who made me want to be a better person. Who made me want life as much as I did. Who allowed me to love as deeply as I did. I was willing to tame myself. To behave.
To play nice in order to gain his actual affections instead've just his fear, his lust, his worship.
After all, those are just kneejerk reactions. Things mortals can't help but feel in my presence.
I wanted him to make a choice.
To choose me.
And he hasn't.
Arrogant little bastard. I could crush him like a bug, and perhaps I will, but it shan't make me feel better.
When will you see that you cannot hide from me?
I could break his will and make him my slave, of course, but that won't be enough.
A lot of times I feel like screaming.
And sometimes I do.
So I shall grow up a little. I am going to try my best to keep all the anger within myself, and not erupt on just any poor random soul, because that only leads to genocide anyway. Always has.
I'm gonna keep my temper this time, honest. In my pocket, and zip it up.
I should just never get in a relationship again to save mankind.
I ruin people.
I am a people ruiner.
Sorry.
I'm woolgathering again. Must take my mind off these things.
I remember one day, not long ago, eating lychees. I was sitting on the steps of the carosel with a bowl of lychees and was able to narrow my senses totally on them, really seeing them for the first time. I felt the crusty outer shell, a varying map of colors and surfaces, like an alien planet which was slowly stripped away. The sun gleamed on the white flesh, a glistening flare in my palm. A taste of violets, juiciness, tenderness, the whole world, right there. Laughter, and wonderment. If the whole world could also see my lychees the way I saw them, would humanity continually suffer the horrors that it does?
The mistake I think so many of you make is to assume I choose what I am, and what I do; I don't. We're as much or moreso the slaves of your whims when you pray and demand, bowed to the Heavens. I don't make this bloodshed- you do. I'm just a reflection of you.
Life was simpler then; no cancerous emotions; no placebo.
Oh, screw this pretention. We all know what's coming next.
I'm coming for him, of course. My high priest, my kamlo.
And I will crush every one of you who has laid a hand upon him in my time away.
It's supposed to last forever. I thought it would last forever. Even though I knew it couldn't, I knew, I believed it would. Because the ego will do such things to protect the pysche.
He was the only one who made me want to improve myself. Who made me want to be a better person. Who made me want life as much as I did. Who allowed me to love as deeply as I did. I was willing to tame myself. To behave.
To play nice in order to gain his actual affections instead've just his fear, his lust, his worship.
After all, those are just kneejerk reactions. Things mortals can't help but feel in my presence.
I wanted him to make a choice.
To choose me.
And he hasn't.
Arrogant little bastard. I could crush him like a bug, and perhaps I will, but it shan't make me feel better.
When will you see that you cannot hide from me?
I could break his will and make him my slave, of course, but that won't be enough.
A lot of times I feel like screaming.
And sometimes I do.
So I shall grow up a little. I am going to try my best to keep all the anger within myself, and not erupt on just any poor random soul, because that only leads to genocide anyway. Always has.
I'm gonna keep my temper this time, honest. In my pocket, and zip it up.
I should just never get in a relationship again to save mankind.
I ruin people.
I am a people ruiner.
Sorry.
I'm woolgathering again. Must take my mind off these things.
I remember one day, not long ago, eating lychees. I was sitting on the steps of the carosel with a bowl of lychees and was able to narrow my senses totally on them, really seeing them for the first time. I felt the crusty outer shell, a varying map of colors and surfaces, like an alien planet which was slowly stripped away. The sun gleamed on the white flesh, a glistening flare in my palm. A taste of violets, juiciness, tenderness, the whole world, right there. Laughter, and wonderment. If the whole world could also see my lychees the way I saw them, would humanity continually suffer the horrors that it does?
The mistake I think so many of you make is to assume I choose what I am, and what I do; I don't. We're as much or moreso the slaves of your whims when you pray and demand, bowed to the Heavens. I don't make this bloodshed- you do. I'm just a reflection of you.
Life was simpler then; no cancerous emotions; no placebo.
Oh, screw this pretention. We all know what's coming next.
I'm coming for him, of course. My high priest, my kamlo.
And I will crush every one of you who has laid a hand upon him in my time away.